Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

The larger problem here is that the in laws are terrible hosts. They can see she is not eating the meals they have so why are they not asking her what she would like and either let her use the kitchen to make it herself or have their chef make it for her

If there is a cultural issue where the in laws keep encouraging OP to order out of politness but clearly do not mean it then yes it is on the DP to explain that rather than join in with encouraging her to order.

i think they have handled it incredibly well. Instead of pointing out how ill mannered this was, they have politely pretended she forgot to bring her own chocolate and asked her to remember to throw it in her case and said they have bought her oranges so she can continue to have freshly squeezed juice.

The in laws were disingenuous. They encouraged her to order but didn't mean it. Fake generosity. Not only that, her DP encouraged her to order too.

They could have told their son we are only offering out of politeness (fake generosity) and we do not want your wife to order from the app, then he could have dealt with it rather than three people telling OP to keep ordering.

What was this magical app? Was it just uber eats or deliveroo type thing?

They encouraged her to order more bars of chocolate but she stuck to one plus orange juice on alternate days, I would hardly feel that was taking the piss! She actually downplayed how hungry she was and didn't order food via the app as that would have cost her hosts more. At the time they seemed more than happy to treat her but now they are are implying she did something wrong and greedy, what an awful way to make your DIL feel.

It’s not fake generosity, they really were that generous and that polite.

This time round, however, it makes more practical sense to order in the oranges and bring her own chocolate so she doesn’t waste money on Deliveroo.

If they hadn’t meant it they would have asked her to stop.

OP is not a child and she shouldn’t need manners explaining to her by her DP.

It is not about the OP being a child.

As I said:

If there is a cultural issue where the in laws keep encouraging OP to order out of politeness but clearly do not mean it then yes it is on the DP to explain that rather than join in with encouraging her to order.

Some people have suggested that their urging her to order more might have been sarcastic. If true, that's still pretty rude and dickish, and also kind of stupid because it clearly didn't work.

Nope. There was a kitchen full of staff and a chef, and an app full of food offered.

I have hosted guests like the OP who have disordered eating. I offer plenty, but it isn't up to me to navigate their issues around food.

Clearly, they found OP odd and let her order chocolate daily, I would have done the same, but definitely not a second time. Hence them addressing it before their next arrival.

OP said herself she doesn't buy this chocolate in the UK as she is too tight to.

The in-laws aren't the problem here.

The in laws are a problem and odd

The DP is odder.

Well yes they have a kitchen full of staff and yet they have neglected to ask her what she would actually like to eat. Terrible hosts

I suspect you haven't hosted very much.

The in-laws sound perfectly reasonable. They just don't like the OP's weird attitude to their food and her piss taking ways.

I would wonder why they wanted to send you this message tbh

It actually makes far more sense for them to order oranges to make the juice and for OP to bring the chocolate rather than it being imported at twice the price. If you can’t afford to have it every day, then have one bar every couple of days?

I would use this opportunity to discuss meals with the in laws though as they have brought food up. Say that as they know, you have big issues around food and are thinking about what you could eat when you are there. Would it be possible for you to buy some groceries on arrival and use the kitchen to prepare your own food? Or could the chef whip you up some boiled rice/plain pasta/potatoes/vegetables etc

Can you take some crackers and cereal with you as well?

Are we talking about a grown woman who is saving for a house and wants to have a baby, or a 4 year old?

She is their DIL not a stranger. She prefers to sit and observe their wealth, rather than integrate - and get herself some bloody food.

May my dc never bring home someone so ineffective!

I think they handled it pretty well by pretending you forgot to buy your chocolate. Who buys £7-8 chocolate every single day? You knew you were taking the piss.

You have no idea about my life 🙄

They just don't like the OP's weird attitude to their food and her piss taking ways.

Then there is no need to encourage her to order from the app. They could have told their son but no. He kept encouraging her to order too.

If they knew she was taking the piss, why did the in laws and her DP keep encouraging her to order then?

Did you offer them money to pay for your treats?

Maybe they felt like you took advantage last time or they felt you used them - you clearly have the attitude ‘well they can afford it’

Yes it is,

And as I said that’s nonsense. Manners and intelligence are not cultural issues. You could get equally polite and generous hosts in the U.K. You should be equally polite in response.

The hosts did mean it and followed through. However this time round they are making more convenient and less expensive arrangements.

Are we talking about grown up in laws and a DP who do not seem to be able to open their mouths and object to OP ordering but rather than do the opposite and encourage her?

What nonsense.

There are cultural issues regarding manners. Try learning about different cultures. It helps.

Her DP should have not have encouraged her to order.

Quite amusing to order so much chocolate. I think you are known as Greedy at their house, now. You took them literally, didn't you. Effusive doesn’t mean sincere.