Feeling embarrassed after in-laws asked me to bring my own treats

[twentie]

I am so embarassed.

When I last went to stay with my in laws in Asia who are very wealthy people, they were very generous and kept saying, order whatever you want. They had an app where you could get pretty much anything delivered in 30 minutes.

I know they use this all day every day, freshly squeezed orange juice, cake, coffee.

They really emphasised they wanted me to use it. They got the bill and I really struggle with food.

So I did. And I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and my favourite bar of chocolate each day.

This chocolate costs £4 in the UK so is just a bit too expensive for me to enjoy here and I never buy freshly squeezed orange juice, because again it's too expensive. So this was luxurious.

But in this country the chocolate bar, because it's imported costs £6/7.

I really didn't think they minded as they kept asking if I wanted another one. Wanted me to feel welcome with my home comforts. It was lovely to feel a little bit of luxury, because I have been scrimping a bit at home and I never doubted that they could afford it as they ordered similar for themselves.

Well we're going back next week and I was really looking forward to the orange juice and chocolate.

MIL just message DP asking me to bring my own chocolate because I forgot last time and it was too expensive over there and cheaper here. And she has brought me oranges so I can squeeze my own juice, as it's cheaper.

I just feel so embarrassed. Like they thought I was being cheeky and couldn't tell me. I am mortified and wish I hadn't ordered anything.

But also feel so much less welcome. Why encourage me to use it so much if they thought that?

Also I know it may seem dramatic but I am not looking forward to go as much. Theres never really much for me to eat or drink over there as I really dislike the food they cook as I tend to like plain food. So knowing I can order these little snacks and drinks I really enjoy really perks me up and made my day.

Just a rant really

OP with this and everything else you've said about how the app was used, I'm not surprised you thought your use was fine. So much so that I'm wondering if their request for you to bring your own snacks is a deliberate snub. I would be really reluctant to go back over there unless your DH can explain why they are treating you this way in a way that seems believable and not unkind, and can arrange for there to be food that you can eat. Stop underplaying your hunger. BE open with him and let him fix it, or don't go.

They sound weird, OP. They were encouraging you to buy the chocolate each day! And you said they were ordering themselves fresh orange juice, why do you have to juice yours yourself?

I would just not bother with the chocolate, if they ask why you didn't bring any just say they must have changed the recipe and you've gone off it or something. Accept the oranges graciously and either eat them as they are or juice them if you can be bothered (if they have a fancy kitchen with staff maybe they have a juicer?).

Take your own food as far as you can - muesli bars, bags of nuts, instant noodles even? Whatever you normally eat that's shelf stable. I would also probably download the app and set up your own account so you can order what you want from it with your own funds.

People like this are seriously odd - trying to come across as generous and hospitable but clearly they want you to say "no thank you" every time. Why must they be so performative?

I also probably wouldn't bother going back again after this trip. It sounds way too hard work just to keep up with these weird social cues

It may simply be that, although well-off, they are practical and world-wise people. They know full well the chocolate brand is much cheaper in the UK, so it makes sense for you to bring it rather than buy it every day with the added import costs. And they've taken the trouble of buying in lots of oranges because they remember you like fresh squeezed orange juice. They may be well off but they aren't money-wasters.

I want to see the post that MIL will have put on her Asian version of MN asking for advice on her British DIL and her awkward eating habits!

Could it be that they are offended that you spent the money on chocolate and not actual food that you need? You didn’t the chocolate if you’re starving you need actual food.

I get why you were embarrassed but it sounds like you used and abused a bit their kindness in my opinion. I get buying 2-3 times a week but doing everyday I feel it’s too much. And to be fair they haven’t done anything unreasonable with buying oranges, I feel it’s thoughtful that they remembered you liked oranges and they stocked up. Also with regards to the chocolate, if you were buying something that it doesn’t exist in the UK it would make sense but buying an overpriced chocolate overseas sounds a bit over the top.

I’m just curious which chocolate is this as am
looking for a good chocolate bar but so far disappointed

This sums it up for me, no matter what someone says i know what is right and wrong myself and doing this every day is odd

how much chocolate are you eating for it to cost £4 a bar in the UK? Every single day? I think that’s excessive OP and you should consider your health. Also you should absolutely offer a gift, or meal for them as it sounds like they go out of their way to make you feel welcome. My MIL lives abroad and I would never visit her expecting her to pay for my treats, regardless of whether she offered. If the chocolate bar is imported there surely you can go out and buy it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I really don’t think they were ordering themselves freshly squeezed orange juice daily, maybe as occasional treats and I suspect the stuff they ordered was a fraction of tne cost, otherwise they’d not have taken this action,

they were clearly trying to be kind hosts, and thought at some point basic decency would kick in,and she’d decline and offer to buy them something, it’s basic manners.

im stunned the op won’t pay for it here and said she was looking forward to it again, so she was fully intent on going back over and doing it all over again.

also it makes no sense if you’ve personal chefs why you’d buy it or have to squeeze it yourself, I doing these people are any where near wealthy as she thinks, she’s completely misunderstood the culture and economy

bur even if they were wealthy it’s really ill mannered, her follow up ststment of if she was wealthy she’d do it is embarassing, it’s always said by those with their hand out. She doesn’t even want to buy it herself snd was waiting so she could go there and have them buy it for her. And if she has food issues as she says, she can easily ask the chefs to cook her something plain.

Well they can stick their app. You just need to pack enough goodies to keep you going while you are there.

Just apologise. Tell them you understand that you made a mistake.

Just sign up to the app under your own account and order (and pay for) whatever food you want. Local food in most of Asia is pretty cheap.

Cancel your flight and try to get some money back. You don’t like your boyfriend’s family’s attitude towards money, you don’t like the culture’s food, you don’t understand their culture. Rethink whether you want to marry into this family or have a child that will forever link you with this family. It doesn’t sound like you like them very much in your updates.

Also maybe look into seeing a professional around your eating - sounds disordered as you're afraid to eat certain foods especially food that isn’t ‘simple’ and ‘very healthy.’

Again I think this is a DP problem. If he knows you are fussy with food why didn't he intervene and ask the chef to cook foods you would eat.
I think his family would see it off that you wouldn't eat their meals but happily ordered expensive chocolate bars.
Could the chef not rustle up orange juice at the time? Surely on the first day you could have had a quiet word with DP to say I don't like what they drink, do you think they can get some juice instead.
I can see they felt you were a rude guest as your behaviour doesn't seem normal with food.

So the issue really is that you like their food, didn’t like what they bought for you ? So you ate chocolate and drank orange juice?

That seems so unfair to make you so uncomfortable. Can your dh handle this? They seem mean considering how wealthy they are, they should be delighted to treat you to your OJ & chocolate treat. Maybe your dh shouldn’t have told you about their comments. Could your dh ask the staff to make you omelettes or something plain? Could your dh cook for you, considering it’s his parents house? Or maybe eat in McDonald’s during the day!! I hope you enjoy the trip

They are married

Ordering food every day is mental. No wonder the climate's fucked. Can't they walk to a shop?

It's also really rude of them to encourage you to order all the time and then imply that it was too expensive. They completely set you up.

She said she brought them all for dinner

Couldn’t you have asked the staff to make you something? Like a salad ?

This! They are wealthy, encouraged you as their guest and and you took it at face value.

In all honesty OP they probably don't really like you otherwise they wouldn't have said BYO chocolate. Maybe they take you not liking their food as a rejection of their culture? Tbh I find people who "only like plain food" to be quite tiresome and they probably feel the same.

You've paid for flights and agreed to go so this time you need to go. Next time just say to partner that he goes alone and you don't go to save money. If you do have kids you'll have the last laugh so I wouldn't worry.

Sorry but I can’t believe you ordered chocolate every day that’s cheaper at home. It’s cheeky.

She says DP not DH