Dad upset that I want both parents to walk me down the aisle

[wasnot]

Dad is upset that I am asking both my parents to walk me down the aisle.

My parents are going through a messy divorce.

I have always felt the tradition of the dad didn't sit right with me and I wanted both my parents to do it.

My parents aren't talking so I made peace that one may decline but they have both accepted the role.

I didn't ask my parents to, I separately explained what I wanted and asked if they would both do it. They both had neutral 'what every you want' reactions which I was happy with

My sibling told me dad is very upset that I didn't ask just him. dad felt that was his role as a dad and that it meant alot to him and I was dilouting the moment and making it difficult for him with my mum there too. Sibling thinks I should offer it to just my dad and mum won't mind. This is correct, my mum wouldn't mind, but it is what I want. Shall I go ahead anyway with my preference?

I think it's a nice idea for parents who are together but for parents in the middle of a divorce? It's really awkward and I don't know why you would have thought it was a good idea!

Why do you want both parents, or any parents, to give you away? You are not a child, and they are not a couple any more. It can only be awkward to have them both there when they are in the middle of a contentious divorce.

Sounds like a bun fight in the making. How about df walks you down and dm does a speech?

Sorry love, but this is a bonkers idea.

Have you got a brother of sister who could do it? Ot have you considered not having anyone walk you down the aisle?

One of my friends did both and it is lovely and much more modern. That being said your sitiation isnt ideal and I dont think its fair to put two people in the midst of a divorce in this position. It might be what you want but if its at the cost of people being upset is it worth it.

Nice idea but totally unworkable in your situation. Patriarchal nonsense anyway. Who wants to be given away by one man and handed to another? Just walk on your own. Or meet H-to-be at the door and walk in together. I’m sure you’re partners already.

Stupid, stupid idea.

Never mind what your dad thinks - what were you thinking?

Either go with performativevtradition, 8n which your dad" gives you away".

Or be a modern woman, and no- one gives you away.

But to ask your in-the-middle-or-divorce parents to do this? Cruel, stupid, thoughtless bridezilla behaviour.

No because they’re divorcing and it’s not amicable. Give them separate roles.

I think it's a bit of a sexist tradition for just the dad.

And they won't have to talk to each other more than they would at any other point in the wedding. The whole wedding will be awkward because of their divorce. It's a small wedding and they're spending the whole day together and everyone is staying on site that evening.

DH and I walked in together. I really wouldn’t do this to your parents.

I am also ok if neither accepted but they both did

Recently a friend of mine (F) walked in front of her DD on the arm her DF as the DD wanted both parents

I don't think it's a good idea to do this to your parents who are divorcing.

I didn’t have either. DH and I walked in together. It’s such a cringeworthy idea to be given away. Blergh.

I’d just say to them you’ll give each of them a different role.

Your Dad is really showing his colours as a lover of the patriarchy though isn’t he. Don’t fold for his little strop!

The general opinion seems to be it's a bit unfair on your parents for you to ask this of them but it's down to you and your wedding and your relationship with your parents.
I'm also on the side of give them seperate roles. Maybe your Mum could welcome the guests or something else as nice for her to play a part but they are getting divorced and you're about to start a new life of your own now.

It does look a bit too much in the context of divorce but maybe they can make an effort for your sake just for a day?
You should probably explain to them ( separately) that they both are important to you and you never liked this tradition and always dreamt about both of them walking you.
How would it work though? Would they walk beside you or each holding one of your hands?

I don't think this is very fair on your parents. Would it really make you happy to have them both by your side but knowing that they aren't happy. You're lucky they're both willing to attend your wedding, I wouldn't push your luck. I'd go for one of them or neither of them.

My dad didn't come to my wedding even though he divorced my mam years ago. I walked myself down the aisle, I didn't want a substitute if he wasn't there.

It's traditional in Jewish weddings for both parents to "give away" the bride/groom. Makes a lot more sense to me. In the vast majority of cases the mother does more parenting than the father, anyway, so it's an even more stupid tradition for just the father to do it.

My parents separated when I was very young and I lived mostly with my mum, although I did have regular contact with my dad. I didn't want to walk down the aisle with either of them, I walked with DH. I did ask my dad to give a speech though. If he was offended about the aisle thing he didn't make a big deal of it. He did a great speech. And my mum did a reading.

Do want you want, don't let your sibling interfere, talk again to each of your parents to double check they are definitely ok with it (in light of their divorce) but don't pick one over the other. You shouldnt tell your mum you don't want her to do it any more and you just want your dad, that would be awful. You should have both or neither, now that you've discussed it with them both.

Oh and my parents did manage to be civil to each other at my wedding, despite the fact that their separation was not amicable and as I got older they did not communicate with each other at all unless absolutely necessary.

They were adult enough to realise it was my wedding day and they were both there to show me their support and love.

I didn't have a "top table" though and seated them separately!

Lots of stuff about weddings is quite sexist (grooms don't wear white to show they're virgins etc) but most people choose to follow the traditional things, secure in the knowledge they aren't a possession being handed from one man to another.
If you can't get comfortable with that, you can do what you want, but if you're wearing a traditional sort of dress, would there even be room for 3 people walking down the aisle? And if your left hand's in mum's and your right in dad's, how will you hold the flowers? Your dad might have been looking forward to this 1:1 time, as the mum usually goes on hen dos/wedding dress shopping, and is more involved in day to day stuff. But it doesn't have to be that way- if you've thought about it and made your decision, it's up to you.

Your poor old dad. I mean, it’s obviously patriarchal nonsense, but he’s probably been thinking fondly of this day since you were a newborn baby girl. Walking his daughter down the aisle. And now you have diluted and complicated it by involving his recent ex-wife. It kind of gives the message to him that he isn’t enough by himself.

I had my dad walk me down the aisle. We didn’t do all the “who gives this woman to be married” nonsense, just walked in together. The photos are some of my favourites - he looks so proud.

You could get your mum to sign the marriage certificate instead.

I would split the Dad duties in this scenario, but not have them completed jointly.

E.g. my Dad walked me down the aisle but my Mum gave the parent of the Bride speech alongside the best man and the groom.

it worked well for us and gave them both special roles in our day.

For the top table both mine and my husbands parents were divorced so we sat the two Dad's together and the two Mum's together. The Mums side and the Dads side each had one additional partner to include so it balanced out the table quite nicely!

Have neither you aren’t a chattel.

I would let dad do the aisle thing as mum will presumably be doing dress and make up with you, but offer them both to do a speech. As women don’t talk enough at weddings