Dad upset that I want both parents to walk me down the aisle

[wasnot]

Dad is upset that I am asking both my parents to walk me down the aisle.

My parents are going through a messy divorce.

I have always felt the tradition of the dad didn't sit right with me and I wanted both my parents to do it.

My parents aren't talking so I made peace that one may decline but they have both accepted the role.

I didn't ask my parents to, I separately explained what I wanted and asked if they would both do it. They both had neutral 'what every you want' reactions which I was happy with

My sibling told me dad is very upset that I didn't ask just him. dad felt that was his role as a dad and that it meant alot to him and I was dilouting the moment and making it difficult for him with my mum there too. Sibling thinks I should offer it to just my dad and mum won't mind. This is correct, my mum wouldn't mind, but it is what I want. Shall I go ahead anyway with my preference?

Just walk yourself down the aisle. I wasn’t given away to anyone. DH and I walked together if that’s an option.

My parents aren't talking so I made peace that one may decline but they have both accepted the role.

'My parents aren't talking, so I've planned something that will make them and everyone at the wedding, feel incredibly awkward.'

Again, what were you thinking?

Should she not have invited them to the wedding at all since being in the same room would make them feel awkward?
I can’t understand how a 12 second walk to their seats with their shared daughter would be so horrific for them when they are also both sharing the entire day with her.

I think you are putting too much thought about how it will look (everyone seeing how lovely they are walking down together, all together in the photos..) and not enough thought on how it's going to feel. You will already be nervous and stressed. Do you really want to be subjected to tension as you walk down the aisle. Instead of all feeling joyful, plastering fake smiles on and just getting through it. All hoping everyone keeps their mouth shut. Praying for the best. All three dreading the moment in the lead up to the wedding. Is that worth it? You should be able to focus on enjoying your special day with your DH.

You sound incredibly selfish.
Would you like to do this with your ex partner in the middle of your divorce.

Yes, the reality is that at their daughter's small wedding they're already going to be at close quarter more than they want. Across the whole event, and also at specific moments like photos.

Either OP doesn't have a wedding until such a time as they don't feel awkward being around each other, which may never happen, she has it now and one or both doesn't come, or she has it now and they both cope with it.

And OP how do you feel about the divorce ? I know you are an adult but having parents split up is traumatic at any age

I expect it isn't that.

It is that giving what is usually a father's role to both parents when they are mid divorce clearly sends a particular message which is bloody awkward in front of your friends and family.

I appreciate the OP wanted this for a long time and hasn't thought about it in the new context but that makes a difference

I didn’t/don’t like the idea of being given away. But my dad was a bit traditional (not sexist!) and so he did walk me as I wanted to do it for him. If that makes sense.

If I ever get married again (now divorced!) it won’t be an option as he died a couple of years ago, but I think I’d just have no one or I’d ask my son and daughter.

It is (more than a bi) sexist to "give the bride away" full stop, whoever is doing it.

No-one is giving your fiance away, because he's a man.

It is an old-fashioned tradition based on sexism, daughters as property.

I think you shouldn't have either of them, especially if they are currently getting divorced.
Either walk in with your intended or on your own.

If you parents were happily married this would be lovely but they aren't. They are in the middle of a divorce. It's not fair to ask them both. Can't you ask your Mum to sign the register as your witness and let Dad give you away? I'd also give them option of sitting apart at reception. It is traditional for the Grooms Dad to sits next to the brides Mum and the Grooms Mum to sit next to brides Dad.

Well why make it more awkward
I’d be thinking of way to smooth things like seating arrangements and practical things
this is just adding fuel to the fire aggravating a difficult situation

It's daddy's role? Honestly, that's such an outdated and patriarchal load of bollocks. Historically, this originated from arranged marriages where a woman was legally considered the property of her father, and the act represented a transfer of ownership or guardianship to the new husband in exchange for a dowry.

As that is no longer the case, it can be the mum's role just as much as the dad's and that is what OP wants.

Oh cmon, sure both can do it, but irrelevant of it’s origins. Few see it that way anymore, times move on, simply the father gets to walk his daughter down the aisle. It’s seen more as a tradition and an honour, and for most where the relationship is good between father and daughter that’s what happens.

personally I’ve never seen both parents walk someone down the aisle, never mind two warring parents, and most aisles couldn’t even accommodate it, they aren’t wide enough. Even with a wide aisle. It would just look really awkward , the three of them,

id not think that’s sweet if I was a guest, I’d cringe a bit for them, and think it was something to do with the divorce.

Whereas I’d cringe for someone who couldn’t grasp that she was perpetuating a sexist tradition in having her father walk her down the aisle. Presumably you’re financially independent and chose your own groom, so why cosplay daughterly chattel status?

wow you must be a joy at weddings 😂

You're the one talking about cringing at the bride and her parents...

I just can't get my head around the ickyness of a man giving me away. I think I would prefer my mum, but that would be ww3.

I also wouldn't mind going myself but the reason I asked both parents was because I know it was really important to my dad, but for me it would feel too icky for just my dad.

The icky mess of a man? He’s not just a random man and he’s not giving you away. This isn’t the 1800s. It’s 2026, he’s just walking you up the aisle.

I just read through alot of the comments. There are 17 people coming to the wedding. It's not a church wedding, but in a pretty room with seating we can arrange to create a wider aisle.

It's a very small wedding that starts at 11am and finishes 12 midnight. So slightly longer than the previous few I have been to. Grooms siblings are travelling from the USA so we wanted a full day of memories with everyone.

Yeah, it's really awkward. We would be married already but have held off due to their divorce which has been messy for two years now.

We want a baby and DP will only do that after marriage. So we finally put a date in the diary. We did feel disappointment from my parents who both didn't feel it was a good time. But I don't want to tell them that we are TTC and are on a timeline yet as I know I will get their hopes up and millions of questions. Both parents suggested moving it back a year but they don't realise we already have!

Due to it being a small wedding, they will be close to each other throughout the day. I won't seat them next to each other, but it's the nature of small weddings. It's awkward and unfortunate and I wish they weren't arguing but I can't control that.

I really didn't think the walking down the aisle was a big deal in terms of them divorcing and asking them. They will be on either side of me, don't have to talk, and walk down the aisle for 10 seconds. I really didn't expect such a negative response from so many people for 10 second walk. Also I wouldn't be disappointed if either pulled out but both accepted.

So it's OK for you to say that you would cringe at both parents walking down the aisle but another poster saying that she would cringe at just the dad walking his daughter down the aisle is them being a killjoy at weddings?

Massive double standards there.

Anyway, OP would actually prefer just her mum to walk her down the aisle but she has asked her dad so as not to hurt his feelings. He is now complaining to her sister. He should just shut up or OP may just change her mind about him walking her down the aisle.

I would prefer both, but if I had to choose 1 I would pick my mum just because it would feel sexist to just pick my dad because he's a man.

You will find that if you want to do something that challenges the more sexist aspects of traditional weddings, the barrel will be scraped in criticising you. Always. I don't know what you're planning to do about names, but if you start a thread on here saying you want to keep yours/double barrel, someone will show their whole arse there too.

My sympathies about having to deal with this level of parental selfishness. Wanting you to delay getting married is awful!

This. I hate the idea too of being given away or the dad only. It’s yoir day, do it how you want: either both parents or none