Dad upset that I want both parents to walk me down the aisle

[wasnot]

Dad is upset that I am asking both my parents to walk me down the aisle.

My parents are going through a messy divorce.

I have always felt the tradition of the dad didn't sit right with me and I wanted both my parents to do it.

My parents aren't talking so I made peace that one may decline but they have both accepted the role.

I didn't ask my parents to, I separately explained what I wanted and asked if they would both do it. They both had neutral 'what every you want' reactions which I was happy with

My sibling told me dad is very upset that I didn't ask just him. dad felt that was his role as a dad and that it meant alot to him and I was dilouting the moment and making it difficult for him with my mum there too. Sibling thinks I should offer it to just my dad and mum won't mind. This is correct, my mum wouldn't mind, but it is what I want. Shall I go ahead anyway with my preference?

I wouldn’t do it in your situation. It’s also a tiny thing. Just be kind to them and enjoy your day.

Its sexist but I lost my Dad two weeks ago and he eas a quiet man and always sat back. He was so proud to walk me into the registry office....the rest of the the day my Mum as MOB was the second centre of attention to my husband and I, so Dad deserved his place. Im very pleased I did it.

That was 35 years ago now!

But for more complex situations, yes, walk yourself.

I do think youve added a complexity to the day that wasnt necessary,but good luck! Maybe theyll realise many good things came from their marriage too

it already felt a little bit rubbish with the divorce for them and me, I honestly don't think this makes it more rubbish.

Also my dad is a big personality. I know he wants to do a big grand speech, walk me down the aisle, will be making jokes in front of everyone. (Probably won't be as confident with my mum there)

My mum is quiet and nervous. I fear her feeling like the second choice. Or that my dad is the star of the show and hes comfortable and confident while she cowers in the corner. I wanted for my parents to know I equally choose them and for my mum to have a moment too. She would never do a speech.

Out of interest is your fiance going to be walked in by his parents?

If not, why isn't that icky to you?

To be totally honest, it sounds like you care more about your mum's feelings than your dad's. Which is fine but just own that.

@iniati my dad is more confident than her

You have clearly decided that it therefore isn't an issue to hurt his feelings. Which is fine if that's your view. But own that decision

And I am still interested to know if your fiancé will be given away by his parents and if not why that only being the case for you isn't icky

@iniati everyones feelings are already hurt by this divorce. I want to treat them equally hence asking both to walk me down the aisle. I can't control how my dad feels. No, groom will be waiting for me at the top of the aisle

So why are you posting? You have decided that it doesn't matter to you that your dad is hurt. That's ok, but there's no point angsting about it if that's your decision

My view is that it isn't treating them equally at all - it is expected (rightly or wrongly) that your dad do it, it is not expected that your mum do it, so asking them both to do it in the context where they are halfway through divorce is a pretty clear statement

And I don't really understand why it's not icky to you that you're still planning a ceremony where you are represented as someone who needs to be given away but your intended is a full grown adult who doesn't get given away

Split the task to give them their moment each. Mum walks you down the aisle and dad does the speech. No icky feelings about a man giving you away. No mum doing a speech that she doesn't want to do.

There's no point in asking them both to make them feel special when it's just making them both uncomfortable.

Why bother posting OP?

Have you asked to your mum how she feels about it? Whether she'd prefer to walk you down the aisle or to avoid the awkwardness and leave it? And is there another important role you could potentially give your mum to make it feel more equal if she didn't? Then maybe also have her come with you to pick your dress and get involved in choosing the wedding decor maybe? Or anything else you can think of she might enjoy? Just something to make her feel like an important part of the wedding in a less awkward way?

Fathers no longer 'give away' their daughters. The 'who gives this woman to be married to this man' part of the ceremony was abandoned long ago.

All the father does now is walk his daughter up the aisle and then sit down

So, given that the patriarchal shite verbal part of the ceremony has gone, why retain the physical action based on it?

It absolutely is still part of a church wedding ceremony

Assuming you mean C of E, no, it’s entirely optional, and can be omitted or replaced with an egalitarian alternative like ‘Who supports these people in marriage?’ It’s not in the Catholic marriage ceremony at all — marriage is a sacrament the couple confer on one another.