Dad upset that I want both parents to walk me down the aisle

[wasnot]

Dad is upset that I am asking both my parents to walk me down the aisle.

My parents are going through a messy divorce.

I have always felt the tradition of the dad didn't sit right with me and I wanted both my parents to do it.

My parents aren't talking so I made peace that one may decline but they have both accepted the role.

I didn't ask my parents to, I separately explained what I wanted and asked if they would both do it. They both had neutral 'what every you want' reactions which I was happy with

My sibling told me dad is very upset that I didn't ask just him. dad felt that was his role as a dad and that it meant alot to him and I was dilouting the moment and making it difficult for him with my mum there too. Sibling thinks I should offer it to just my dad and mum won't mind. This is correct, my mum wouldn't mind, but it is what I want. Shall I go ahead anyway with my preference?

It’s the dads moment of the day and as your mum isn’t bothered it seems as though you’re creating a difficult and upsetting situation where there really needn’t be one.

DF sharing how 'very upset' he is with someone who's also close to OP and in a position to relay it back to her instead of, say, a person in his life who doesn't know her is an interesting choice.

You’re treating it like a tantrum by suggesting OP has to bend to his whim because how awful that the father be unhappy on her wedding day, much better for OP to lose out.

It’s not at all unusual for both parents to do it. Or even the mum to.
Your dad is a grown man. He shouldn’t be throwing a tantrum and is capable of behaving like a big boy on your wedding day and respecting your wishes. And certainly not complaining about you to your siblings. Suspect I know why your mum is divorcing him. Yuck.

You must be very flexible to be able to stretch that far.

I completely understand why you would want this and I think it’s more and more common now. But it does sound like it might be a little awkward.

If you wanted to do something different you could ask your mum to be one of the witnesses to the signing of the registry and do a little speech in her honour at the reception and present your bouquet to her. I’ve seen both done and I think mothers deserve some public recognition of their importance in the lives of their children.

If your dad has not spoken to you directly then I would proceed with your preference. His reasons are very sexist and that is your problem with the tradition so it’s only logical that you don’t take them into account.

It’s daddy’s role. Honestly. Imagine walking down the aisle scrunched up between two people anyway. Never mind 2 people that hate each other !!

Just like a woman’s role being in the kitchen times change and people can make their own choices.

I just walked down by myself. This was 30 years ago
It was complicated because my dad was the Vicar marrying me 😀

I think you're making a thing out of a thing and you should've just said you're gonna walk down by yourself

A bit weird. The thing with weddings, most brides that have a wedding party ask all sorts from their bridal party and guests. People oblige because they feel they have to/do the right thing. I can’t really understand the asking people to do something they aren’t comfortable with. You have been made aware your Dad isn’t happy about it so why on earth would you want him to do this.

Is the aisle even wide enough for 3 abreast?

I would have e one walk you down the aisle and the other to do another job eg a reading or something.

Sexism aside, I think it’s unfair on both of them to expect them to both walk you down the aisle when they’re going through a messy divorce.
If they were happily married it might be different.

Your poor dad.

It is a sexist tradition but so much about weddings is!

Did you get an engagement ring? Did you give your fiancé one?

Are you planning to wear white? Throw a bouquet? Take your husband's surname?

I am not saying that you can't do some sexist traditions and not others - I think we all do that to some extent but given that your parents are going through a divorce, picking the one that features your father was bound to come across as taking sides in the divorce

I don't find it odd in concept; I've been to several weddings where more than one person escorts the bride (often seen it with someone who has two mums or two dads, and most recently a dad plus a stepdad, and once both grandparents who'd raised the bride as her parents had died when she was very young). Unhappy relations between the two people might be an issue, but I've never seen it be a problem with space/logistics.

If you really want this and each of your parents have said it's OK with them, go ahead. I'm sure they're probably not thrilled but it's a few minutes to do something that makes their daughter happy on one of the most important days of her life. Trust your dad to tell you if it's an issue for him; he's an adult and doesn't need a mediator and he probably has no idea that your sibling has inserted themself. Tell your sibling to butt out; it's none of their business.

If they were together it would be lovely. In the middle of a messy divorce, awkward for everyone involved and not something I would want anyone to have to deal with on my wedding day.

I would have thought any parent 'giving you away' to your husband to be is sexist.

Really though, marriage as a concept is sexist, particularly a religious one.

Is the aisle big enough for 3 of you to walk down side by side. I’ve never seen it done, and could look a bit odd, rather than touching, especially if everyone knows they are divorcing, I suspect everyone will be thinking wow how awkward is that.

in part your right, it’s what you want so screw them and everyone else right. But the three of you walking down, even in the best of circumstances would look more comical than, oh that’s nice.

i don’t know why people are accusing the dad of ‘throwing a tantrum’ he has said to the op that he will do what she wants. she only knows he’s upset because one of her siblings has told her. There’s a hell of a difference between having an angry strop AT the op and quietly telling someone else that he is disappointed not to be doing something he was looking forward to it. It sounds like he is willing to do what the op wants despite his disappointment/ awkwardness with ex wife.

It’s mumsnet, it would be very rare for posters not to escalate it into something it’s not

And TBH the whole concept of being given away is sexist - is your fiance going to be given away by his parents or just you?

Is the aisle wide enough for 3 people?!

Perhaps op could wait at the altar and her future husband could walk in with his Mum and people can see how beautiful he is in his lovely suit.

She didn’t she wanted to be given away - just that she wanted someone to walk down the aisles with her

traditions and meanings change

her father needs to grow up