Dad upset that I want both parents to walk me down the aisle

[wasnot]

Dad is upset that I am asking both my parents to walk me down the aisle.

My parents are going through a messy divorce.

I have always felt the tradition of the dad didn't sit right with me and I wanted both my parents to do it.

My parents aren't talking so I made peace that one may decline but they have both accepted the role.

I didn't ask my parents to, I separately explained what I wanted and asked if they would both do it. They both had neutral 'what every you want' reactions which I was happy with

My sibling told me dad is very upset that I didn't ask just him. dad felt that was his role as a dad and that it meant alot to him and I was dilouting the moment and making it difficult for him with my mum there too. Sibling thinks I should offer it to just my dad and mum won't mind. This is correct, my mum wouldn't mind, but it is what I want. Shall I go ahead anyway with my preference?

Well,you need to sort it out because you've just made the wedding an extension of their divorce which was pretty thoughtless.

Go back to them and allocate separate roles, df walk you down the aisle and dm make a speech, or walk down the aisle with your MoH.

Don't leave it as it is or it has the potential to ruin the day for everyone including you.

Many aisles aren't wide enough for 3 abreast to walk down easily.

They accepted to make you happy, which is lovely. But both walking down the aisle with you really puts a focus on them and as they're going through a divorce that's a bad idea.

What a lot of weird overreactions. I’ve seen this done at several weddings, it’s not at all unusual these days. And it doesn’t seem like your Dad’s objection is to do with the fact that they’re divorcing, so I’m not sure why everyone is fixating on that. It’s your wedding, they should be facilitating this very simple request and keeping their mouths shut otherwise.

They both accepted.
Your dad is upset because he feels he has some entitlement to the role over your mother.
it’s about two minutes they should get on with it. They don’t have to speak to each other and their divorce isn’t your problem.

I hope your dress is small and you're all skinny because fitting 3 people down an aisle side by side won't be easy

Terrible idea & a bad portrayal of marriage, like an omen on what should be a glorious day.

Have you always thought you would like both parents to walk down the aisle with you or is this just in light of their divorce? I think it's lovely to have both if everyone is happy (and the aisle is wide enough) but in your situation it might be more comfortable for everyone to have different roles. Are you going to ask both to make a speech?

It does sound as if your Dad is just flexing his patriarchal muscles to take in the role, which is exactly what you want to avoid: sexist traditions.

Would your Dad have been the same had this happened before they needed to divorce ?

My cousin did something similar and yes her dad was upset. Same argument than your dad.

If you feel strongly about it, then stick with it.

My concern is much more about the fact your parents clearly don’t get on atm. Having them both taking you down the aisle massively increases the risk of falling out esp if your dad is still resentful he wasn’t ‘chosen’
Personally, I’d chose a happy, joyful organisation with as little triggers as possible. Which would mean no one taking you down the aisle (as they’ve both accepted)

I think it makes you look quite immature.. I don’t know why but the image of two parents down the aisle at the same time would make me think they were super needy or over involved! I know that’s possibly not the reality but aisles are quite narrow and I just imagine you all jostling along for space it seems a bit much!!! I think in the midst of a divorce aswell it’s not a good idea. I think people will assume your mum is attention seeking. I don’t think people would realise it came from you!!

Shall I go ahead anyway with my preference?

yes

Your dad is welcome to his opinion, your mum is also welcome to her opinion
it is your day and you have asked both of them, they have decided to both accept what your dad talks about to your sibling and sharing his opinion with yo9ur sibling is not your concern. Your siblings opinions aren't your concern either on this occasion

Then why make it even harder for them by adding in this unnecessary performance? You can walk up the aisle alone or with your fiancé. Or you can go with the patriarchal giving away to avoid upsetting your dad, since you have already asked him.

They probably would if we reverted to bridesmaids walking down the aisle behind the bride!

It’s your decision to make the change and their decision to accept your request or not. I don’t subscribe to the idea of only a dad walking his daughter down either, I had both parents too.
If they are both attending the wedding they should be able to walk near eachother for 10m on the day without acting like children!

Never been a fan of people being given away in any context. I also walked in with my DH but if you want to make the entrance all about you then walk in by yourself. If you old enough to commit for life to someone, you don't need mummy and daddy giving you away. Blurgh

Doing something only due to tradition and without thinking, which is why many people have the father walking them, but making your own decision to mark that both your parents are equally important in your life would be immature?

Is it also sexist that fathers don’t tend to go dress shopping.

i think you are underestimating how important these traditional roles are to parents. I agree you are being selfish.

Of course it’s up to you. But due to the situation I’d have given them differnt roles to keep them further apart. They’ll have to present a united front which will be hard for them and make it awkward for you.

have dad walk you if you’re sticking to tradition - he can be proud and do his bit. Then mum can sign and she can have her moment.

it seems a lot of people have said similar but looks like you’ll stick to having them both?

What on earth are you thinking? You want your warring parents to walk you down the aisle on one of the most important days of your life? Hopefully you will see what a terrible idea this is soon enough. Let your dad do it, then he is happy and you won't have your walk down the aisle marred by unhappy memories.

I also find the optics of being walked down the aisle by your father a bit uncomfortable and would be looking for alternatives. I also have divorced parents and am dreading the awkwardness of any future wedding. So I sympathise on this.

I don’t think it was necessarily a stupid idea or that you were wrong to ask both your parents. You’d like to think two grown adults can put aside their issues for the minute or so it takes to walk down the aisle so their daughter can have the wedding she wants.

In reality divorced parents are a nightmare. In hindsight it would’ve been best to have nobody walk you down rather than both of them but you’ve asked now and they have both technically agreed. If it doesn’t cool off ahead of the big day I think I’d attempt to remind Dad whose wedding it is and that if he’s not happy he can always sit it out.

A grown man shouldn’t be throwing a tantrum on one of the most important days of his daughter’s life then, forcing his daughter to do something she doesn’t want to do on the day in order to placate him is pathetic.

Presumably the OP has been to the venue she's marrying in and therefore has sized up whether three people will fit.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like you have to manage your parents feelings on your day OP. Personally I'd have been tempted just to go in by myself in your situation, but certainly wouldn't be impressed at a DF being 'very upset'.

I'm not sure if that's true - op asked and he accepted. He was upset about it but op only found this out through her sibling.

Where does op say he threw a tantrum? According to op she only found out he was upset through her sibling.