I think people need to stop focusing on OP being 16 when she started the relationship. You are viewing this through the lens of today’s standards. 18 years ago, 16 year olds were often in full-time work within a week of leaving school, out getting served in pubs and nightclubs and leaving home. It was also legal to get married and go off to fight in the army. 16 year old mothers were given council flats. I don’t think at that time the majority of people would view a 16 year old as a ‘child’, that’s something more recent. I had a 25 year old boyfriend at 17 who I met in a nightclub (it only lasted a few weeks, in the late 1990s), and my parents didn’t bat an eyelid, neither did his mother and neither of us had to lie about our age to anyone.
OP isn’t expressing any issue with regard to how the relationship started, or any retrospective concerns etc. What she’s expressing is that she happily went into a being a wife/mother from a young age, and now wants to do other things as the children are growing more independent. Her husband appears to not be appreciating how much she has done over the last 18 years and is not supporting her having these aspirations.
OP I think you are panicking about the future of being his carer too much, COPD is slowly progressive and it clearly isn’t stopping him from going out and about at the moment, so he doesn’t need care yet. What you need to focus on is whether he is considerate and supports you, not on the actual split of the chores/possible future care. If he’s going to be complaining every day you are out at uni, he will likely then be complaining every day you are out at work once you graduate. I assume you may have taken on the bulk of the work at home because he was out working and that’s how you divided things?
What I think you need to do is have a serious conversation with him, which may actually need to be with a marriage guidance councillor…because you need to plan out between what life is going to look like over the next 5-10 years. The children are becoming independent, that is your catalyst for change. As long are you are being reasonable (that you aren’t expecting him to do everything at homes and you aren’t expecting to move the family away from the area they know and their friends) then there isn’t a reason for him to object you having some self-development and long-term goals…as it doesn’t adversely affect him…he should be doing his share at home anyway.
As for the COPD, it is reasonable for you to expect him to look after his own health (with your support and encouragement), not just for himself but for his children. It’s also reasonable to start working out which things are more difficult for him and dividing up tasks accordingly (so for example if walking and lifting are triggers you do the weekly shop and vacuuming, but then he does the the cooking and makes the packed lunches). It’s fair to give him the tasks that least trigger the condition, but it’s not right for him to opt out of everything…thats just him not wanting to be fair to you.
If he’s still going out with friends, or still going to work….then the COPD certainly isn’t going to physically prevent him from washing dishes or cooking.