DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

It’s like the OP insisting on accompanying her DH to the hairdresser thread - OP proved right after being told she is over-reacting by massive escalation 🙄

Clearly it wasn’t a joke…

You haven’t protected your nephew and he hasn’t protected his daughter. If he dies first, it could be tomorrow, and you inherited. What stops you from writing a new will to leave everything to your nephew? Nothing. If you die tomorrow, what stops him writing a new will after he inherits all of your money, and leaving it all to his daughter?
You protect your assets by willing them to
your nephew and he wills his to his daughter. What you’ve done doesn’t protect your money. You have no control after you die and your partner can change his will and leave everything to his daughter.

It happens all the time - you trust your partner to do the right thing with your money after you’ve gone and they don’t.

It wasn’t a joke. It was and still is part of DSD’s financial plan. Better it’s come out now , rather than when her dad’s barely cold in the ground(if he goes first).

These are my thoughts exactly. Even if your parent(s) live in a house worth a million, the entire value of the house might be channelled into residential care before they die. They could easily live to be 100, by which point their offspring is retirement age themselves!
At 27 I had absolutely no thoughts whatsoever about inheritance. I was trying to earn as much money as I could and ensure that I had cash for socialising/holidays on top of living costs. Typical surely?

Good luck to them getting legal advice on someone else’s finances when they know none of the details. Let them waste their money

The stepdaughter very clearly stated that OP would lose her home once her father died as she would enforce the sale. How would you react when someone tells you your home is not safe? Giggle? Pour more wine?

How was she sensitive when it turned out her reaction was completely justified? She obviously knows her well enough to know it wasn’t just a joke and she was right. She wasn’t sensitive, she was smart.

People do act like this. I had an acquaintance who was loud about the fact that they weee going to inherit £1m from their DIL so couldn’t live in shit rented. Didn’t see that he had his son when he was 16 and if he loved to 90 they would be waiting until their 70’s to get the money!

also another couple who’s parents got together and engaged but sadly split up as the children were arguinjnf that they would get less inheritance if they married. Was really horrific

I do get what that poster means though. Because it blew up the way it did at the dinner table, and the way OP spoke to her, DSD now thinks her dad is being financially controlled and while, yes, she's being self-serving, she might actually be genuinely concerned for him. If the scenario was reversed, plenty of people would be telling her to push her dad to get urgent legal advice.

However, OP's DH put his daughter straight, so that should have been the end of it. But clearly the new boyfriend has his own agenda, so I'm guessing this one will run and run.

Her reaction has turned out to be completely justified. She had the intelligence to know it wasn’t a joke. She didn’t cause any of this.

It wasn't a joke. Don't blame op for someone else's greed and irrationality. SD is fully responsible for the shit show.

It wasn't necessarily an act of generosity that OP's H's ex wife kept the family home. Maybe he kept his pension and other assets and the ex stayed in the home. It may have been a 50/50 split of the marital assets. I do tire of hearing 'he let her have the house'

Also, how dare DSD and new boyfriend decide her dad should get a divorce to ensure she gets her inheritance! That's the most outrageous part of their latest message – that the deal won't hold up if he ends the marriage now, so let's crack on.

You're right of course, Lurker85, but grabbiness is hardly unknown, and with MN being a large and diverse place it's entirely possible a few such folk are on here too

Which is why I said that even threads which some doubt can serve a purpose in encouraging suggestions which others may find useful

There is nothing to contest. If he owned 100% of that house and left it to OP’s children, then his daughter could contest that.

But he owns.. let’s say 20%, and is leaving it to her. The other 80% does not belong to him, so there is nothing to contest. If OP dies and leaves that 80% to her own children, then there is nothing for her to contest because she isn’t any sort of dependent of the OP. OP’s husband could contest it, but it doesn’t sound like he is going to do that.

The daughter cannot contest the will of her dad’s wife. And she cannot contest the ownership of the home if her dad dies first. They own as tennants in common, it’s all fine. She can’t go after OP’s share.

It is baffling OP. How much is the estate worth?

We have had a similar situation. I had all the assets when I met DH. he was in debt but...long term, with his pensions etc., it has sort of evened out.

The falling out over the entitlement of his children has been spectacular and now permanent but it was horrific for a couple of years.

We are no longer in touch with his kids or his sister who, for some reason, took their side.

Kids expecting to get money and assets they have no claim to seems to be more common than you think. We've made new wills and enclosed all the reasons why they mustn't even be informed of our deaths let alone receive shit.

It's so sad though when people just see you as a vending machine and not a person.

I think this has been amazingly blown out of proportion by you. Like I know lots of people who joke about getting their parents' houses one day. It doesn't need anymore than a laugh unless you are actually writing a will at the time.

I was able to tell my new DSD was schemer from the outset. It's clear the OP here had a similar level of foresight.

We have these gut feels for good reason.

Try reading the thread. You look stupid otherwise.

Do they kick off , cry and threaten legal action when they figure out they’ll get less than expected?

That's an entirely different situation.

I agree with you the ops reaction when the comment was first made was blowing it all out of proportion, it was a jokey comment and at worst all the op had to do was say to her husband privately maybe time to tell her when you’re ready and using your words . Instead the op went full on scorched earth and attacked.

i do wonder if the op is quite so innocent in this relationship as she makes out.

howver the daughter has now returned fire. If the op had managed the initial jokey comment diplomatically instead of attacking her as much as she did, it’s highly unlikely she’d be in the situation she is now.

Transparency is key here. My step parent is much wealthier than my parent and their estate will be divided as agreed by all their offspring. We know the % each of us will get per their wills, which we were all sent to check over before they were legally finalised.

I don’t know why people are so cloak and dagger about wills and inheritance, it can cause so many issues after a bereavement.