DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

OP - she might be right, in the case of a divorce, your DH might get a bit more than just what he brought into the marriage. However, in the case of his death, it’s not possible for him to leave assets he doesn’t own to his dd. She could contest the will if he’s left everything to you and nothing to her, she can’t contest what he doesn’t own.

So perhaps your dh should message back to that effect. His will just covers what he owns, not what you own. Your dh could say if she’s worried he’ll be homeless if you get hit by a bus tomorrow, not to worry, your will allows him to stay in the property even though your dcs will own your share. (I assume even though he’s older you have done something like that as accidents do happen). That obviously in the case of a divorce it would be possibly different, he could potentially go after some of your assets, but he doesn’t plan to divorce so if that happened he’d take legal advice then, there’s no point wasting money now on that.

But if she wants to spend her money speaking to a solicitor to be told her dad’s will can only include assets he owns, she can go ahead.

@YoBetty is it used as the marital home?

Wow, the entitlement

Wouldn't SD inherit from her mother, as it looks like mum got the marital home in the divorce? I'm just guessing (obviously). I'd ask her if she has asked her mother the same questions as her Dad.

Unless Mum has written her daughter out of HER will lol....

Wow. Gobsmacked at this girls entitlement! Your dh must be mortified. As she should be!!

They aren't married. Anyway, my post was just a comment with regard to property and financial interest and in response to a pp, not about the OP's situation.

Good idea about messaging the ex wife considering her daughter will be after her money and house as well, or is she just focused on her dad?

I have asked plenty of family law solicitors

as above, my friend was told there was a good chance of her pre nup being upheld. £60k later and no ruling she spent £120k paying him off to go away.

its easy to say things will be upheld. Nothing is upheld without getting in front of a judge.

I was wondering this. I imagine the dsd has very different standards and expectations of what she might ask her own mother.

Absolutely this. People don't realise how much money they will have to spend for things to be upheld by a court!

@fantam DM is in a new relationship and sold the family home so not necessarily

@YoBetty that’s why marriage makes a difference. The percentage of ownership can be ignored on a divorce

I think it is a good idea for your husband to ring her mother - there might be some background that sheds some light on why she is behaving so appallingly

Exactly.

Dear DSD, you will inherit from your mother, as she got most of the settlement in the divorce with your Dad. Your Dad doesn't have much left now of his own as he amicably settled generously with your mother for the benefit of his ex wife and child.

That's where your focus should be love.

1. I think you were a little sensitive at the start. I am wife 2 and have often described myself as DH's current wife. We have also mentioned inheritance to the DC too, much in jest.
2. DSD has massively overreacted, at the time and even more so since. Her assumptions have come crashing down but that's for her to process, no blame needed. She 'should' inherit from her DF's first marriage and if her DM received the house, there is her main inheritance. That's just how it is. She would be extremely fortunate to get that AND a share of your house too. Appreciate it is somewhat distasteful to talk of inheritance but I understand these days the difference it will make to young people is immense so you can understand it to some extent.

This reminds me of my niece and nephew - when they were about 8 they went to my mums and was going round the house each popping post it notes on furniture. When my mum asked what they where doing - they were marking who should get it when she’d died 🤣🤣🤣🤣

the daughter is bloody insane, I’d be spending every last penny now !

Oh, ok I was only going on the info in this thread. Still, Mum might have a share in wherever she is living now. Look, I dunno, I was just putting a scenario out there!

And...your dad doesn't have enough money after the divorce to buy his own house, so if he wasn't living here he'd be renting. And then there'd be nothing.

If her partner is so involved with other people's money that might be inherited maybe the DSD and he should contact his parents and demand information about their finances too.

You know- equal treatment and all that. Because if he is driving the DSDs obsession what is he bringing to the table?

This is so wildly inappropriate of your DSD. I wish you and your DH good health so you can live into very very old age just to piss her off 😂

Get to your solicitors as soon as possible

Check with them, consider if your wills do
need updating. Not in a knee jerk, let’s stick one to her way, but in a is this in our best interests and does it reflect our wishes way

Get it in writing, and share with all the adult children your position and intentions, so there can be no future claims that expectations have been thwarted. You don’t have to go into huge detail

Have power of attorney set up for both of you if not already done, and not naming her

Also, probably not a good idea to have adult children as executors in this situation

And then, calmly repeat that whilst you’re sorry that she’s disappointed, she has made erroneous assumptions. Your situation is as stated. Changes will not be made to accommodate her misapprehensions.

Don’t get drawn in to justifications and explanations, or well you’ve never liked me and were rude at our wedding

And I don’t think it’s a good idea for your husband to talk to his ex about it. As little oxygen as possible in this situation

Yes, we know. But people do it because they love their spouse and wouldn’t want them to have to move in their old age.

OP I think you forgot the part where your reaction to the joke caused all of this.

You were so deeply offended that you escalated the situation, you argued , she cried and it ended badly.

This isn’t about the house it’s now about the daughter thinking you are controlling and thinking she is helping her father.

You need to see how you have contributed to this situation.

That's a bit unfair to refer to him as a loser bloke. It seems he did the decent thing by allowing the ex to stay in the family home with the DD. He has his own pension - hopefully a large one - and a small share in the house. Not my definition of a loser.

I would actually go to a lawyer to look into the best way to ensure she could not cause trouble for my children when they inherit

So would I, @FateAmenableToChange, and while at it I'd also be making certain the DH's much smaller share was nailed down, just in case he dries his tears over what he's helped to create and does another about turn

For those who keep implying the thread's fake I'd suggest referring to MNHQ, but also remembering that even these can spark off suggestions which may be useful to others facing similar situations