DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

Scammer

@BetLynchsEyes is it worth DH doing a Claire’s law request in the BF if you feel he might be coercive or controlling to dSD? Not sure you can for that but I’d be wanting to know more about this chaps background.

Nobody can "shred" anybody else's will, spouses included. If OP leaves everything that's hers to her kids, it goes to her kids. It sounds like her will already does leave her share of the house (which is most of it) to her kids - that's what SD is raging about. And she might already have put a clause saying if she goes first her DH gets to stay there until his own death, but she hasn't said.

I was just typing similar. I am probably overreacting but I wonder if they may just turn up on the doorstep and try and wrong foot you.

Hopefully the ex can help

Jesus Christ. What an awful situation, she’s absolutely horrid and manipulative, I would be making damn sure she doesn’t get a penny after this. Nasty piece of work.

I’m afraid your SD will blame you for everything OP. She will do her best to divide and conquer. She’s unlikely to go away quietly. Your both going to need to grow thick skins.

Wow I couldn’t just read this and run - this is awful!! She is ridiculously entitled and self absorbed! Shocking behaviour! I hope she comes back with an apology soon or she is going to ruin her relationship with her dad for good.

Dh can buy her a New Home card and she can be bloody grateful.
Luckily he has nipped the entitled madam's meal ticket in the bud..
. Heaven knows how much she has had over the years...

But in his hurt he might start making crazy excuses for her to alleviate how bad he feels. Then he might start making concessions to SD. Like giving her the deposit. Hoping he stays strong OP, and can face up to how awful she has been, and you can stay both on the same page, but as other pp have said, make sure your own position is safeguarded. Good luck with this difficult situation. 💐

I'm upset on your behalf, and especially your husband's.

I grew up in a single-parent household with one sibling. Parents divorced when we were toddlers, and both eventually remarried (Mum not until i was a young adult). Our dad neither saw us, nor contributed financially. We lived in a council house and were happy, although poor. Once we were at secondary school, our mum began to work part time, but she has no assets as such.

As we were hitting adulthood, DM married a widower who had one son, still a child.a A few years later, he finished paying off the mortgage. DM helped to bring up DSB and has looked after the house and garden. She is well provided-for and would presumably be able to continue to live there should DSD predecease her, but as she did not contribute to the mortgage, I would expect that the full value of DSD's assets will go to DSB. My sister and I will never inherit anything, which can't be an uncommon situation.

What I cannot imagine in a million years is the expectation, no, DEMAND, that DSD finance my life in any way. I've never so much as asked him to lend me a tenner, and neither has my sister. Yes, his son will inherit and we won't, but he lost his mother very young. Life isn't always fair, but I think most of us need to plan for the possibility of no inheritance.

Make sure the will is lodged somewhere. My Mum wrote a will which included her children. Dad declared her intestate and inherited all. He then remarried. He said he had written a will to include us. His wife declared him intestate and inherited all on his death. Legally we had no right to expect anything.

Don’t be surprised where there’s a will there’s a way!

Great response from your DH.

Good point from a poster up thread that the CF BF and DSD may now target the mum with their ‘financial advice’.

I can’t believe she still expects help with a house deposit. Absolute cheeky fecker. Please don’t give her any money!

You haven't mentioned how you've agreed your ownership of your house, but consider the possibility that his daughter could contest her father's will after death. The only way you can keep your own assets away from your dsd and for your own children is putting your assets into a bloodline trust, that way the dsd has no way to access it through the courts after her father's death. You will need legal advice on setting up the bloodline trust.

This has narcissistic personality written all over it. Makes me shudder. Are you sure the bf hasn’t latched on to perceived wealth and is the driver in all this? They are money obsessed and literally have no shame or boundaries and are highly sophisticated in manipulating. If your SD was being immature and mouthing off about inheritance then she could have made herself a target. Unbeknown to me my narcissistic ex had got solicitors etc in without my knowledge trying to work out if he could get my inheritance out of a trust fund. He went to amazing lengths it was utterly terrifying what I uncovered. He went on to do it again to another woman within months of me getting him out. Please be careful

I just don’t understand how she thinks it “affects” her future??? Did she honestly think that the OP would stump up say 80% of the cash to buy the property and then agree to a 50/50 split with her husband? It’s just plain bonkers! I don’t get why she thinks her dad has been conned/deceived? If she knew he didn’t get any equity from his last divorce - how did she then think he paid towards the OPs house?

Wow the pair of them have been vile. I am in a position where I have had discussions about estate planning with my wife parents and my in-laws but they have gone about it in an awful way. They have then dug in and effectively accused the OP of financially abusing the husband when they have entered into marriage with their eyes open re different financial positions and expectations.

She really has. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, is she!

OP, sorry you've been saddled with such a nightmare of a stepdaughter. It sounds like she's creating a huge amount of stress. And how awful for your DH to be made to feel like he's just a walking bank account to her. 😢

In reality, in the absence of her getting a job and paying for her own way in life like us mere mortals, she should be after her own mother for the deposit. Her DMother had the house in the divorce settlement after all.

When we had a similar situation with DH's kids, he wrote them a rip snorting letter telling them we had changed the wills and exactly why.

Because we had blocked them on every channel, the daughter put some snotty stuff on FB but several people went on there to tell her to just earn money and stop being a parasite.

She has no right to knowledge of your finances just because 'it affects her'. She sounds unhinged quite honestly. She'll be getting lawyers involved any minute.

I want to know why does she work part time?

If she wants a deposit to buy a house or flat, perhaps she should work more hours.

OUTRAGEOUS!!!
Hope this does not affect your and DH's health - especially your mental health - it would mine. SD and BF seem to be living under a rock on Mars - they not of this world any way - insane, cheek!!

Blended marriages with step kids can be like this when money is involved

I have 2 SS and one son
my son isn’t DH but he brought him up since he was 5 and they both think of each as dad / son

DH younger son who is an adult with his own 2 kids and own house has made petty remarks over the years about how easy my son has had things ( inherited from both sets of grandparents a enough to buy a forever home and new car and still have a fair amount left over )

The house we live in is mine
when I die DH has the right to stay in the house until he remarry / dies

house then gets sold and my son gets it
if DH is still alive then he’s gets a small percentage of the sale

his younger son did not like this at all but I made it clear that if he wants an inheritance he needs to go to his parents - not me

I’d be willing to bet that he’s a slick con artist who’s tried this before to extract money from other people. If he doesn’t get his way with you both he may disappear into the horizon.

The behaviour of both of them is despicable.

If you ever find you or DH possibly needing PoA documents drawn up you had better act first before she does.

A fine response @BetLynchsEyes, there is no way in hell she would be privy to my financial details.