DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

I wonder if the boyf will get cold feet about buying a house he has to fund entirely himself while madam works part time.

🤣

I cant believe what im reading, but im really pleased your husband is putting in the boundaries, shes a spoilt brat with no empathy and it sounds like using her father for his money and wishing him dead to get her hands on his money that she believes shes owed,..and to demand he gives her the deposit...i also cant believe her boyfriend thinks he can dictate to you what to do, ....well if she wants a house and a wedding she better get saving and get a full time job...why does she only work part time!!!!! I think once bf realises theres no money and shes only working part time he will bugger off too

Yep. Plus gifts from all the exotic holidays, tacks gifts obvs e.g. my dad and (money grabbing step mum) went to the Maldives and all l got was this t shirt

She'll be on your doorstep in tears any minute I bet.

I really feel for OP - and for her husband. To think he’s supported his daughter and helped pay for her Uni years to avoid student debt and this is his thanks for it (and that’s probably where any pensions savings have gone to). If he keeps having to bail out her credit card debt, it sounds like she has no financial common sense. A lender won’t be keen to offer her a mortgage if that’s been her pattern of spending over the last few years.

It sounds as though SD and BF have been getting madly over-excited about the possibilities of YOUR (and DH's) finances whilst talking about their future. Bloody cheek!
I also wonder if, as he's in 'finance', he thought there might be some lovely commission coming his way if he could wangle his way into managing your DH's finances. He is massively over-reaching and you could report him if he is a registered financial adviser.
They both sound horrendous and this must be so hurtful.

Wow good for him! She sounds like a very selfish daughter. Sounds like she is just looking for all she can get when her dad is no longer here.

Wow! What a nasty, entitled, greedy, spoiled little madam

im devastated for your husband. How heartbreaking

Horrendous!!! Ok, so the step daughter sounds like a right spoilt brat. She’s 27 and only has a part-time job whilst she spends money like a runaway train.

Your husband needs to speak to her, shout to her that she needs to get a full-time job and start living within her means.

He needs to say he’s no longer contributing to her lifestyle. She will have to fund everything herself. Make sure the boyfriend hears this as well.

Husband needs to re-do his will to include his nieces and nephews.

You need to say you no longer want step daughter in your house. Your husband has to see the daughter privately in a public location.

I would have nothing to do with the step daughter. She has gravely insulted you, spoken to you in your own house wishing you dead. Since you’ve known her she’s been a grasping bitch who can’t wait for you to die or divorce.

Your husband has to take blame for raising a grubby spoilt brat who is greedy and vile. Why hasn’t he ever told her she needs to get a full-time job and live within her means?

I wonder if the ex-wife has encouraged this? Why isn’t the mum giving her money for a deposit?!

This is precisely why blended families don’t work: it boils down to kids who aren’t your own wanting to steal your money.

Heaven help it when you get old or need hospital treatment or an old people’s home.

Step daughter would be the first person at the hospital demanding the medics turn off the life support system for you.

Who is the next of kin for you and your husband? All connection to the step daughter needs to be wiped.

Actions have consequences. She calculatedly said she wants you dead and she wants your money in your own home and then had the mother of all meltdowns when she thought she wouldn’t get that.

This is really sad. I really feel for the broken-hearted husband.

Not defending the daughter at all but for some reason she seems to think being gifted a deposit is normal and what everybody else gets. The impact of housing wealth on the younger generation is really unfair - some first-time buyers are getting help, others aren't. And salaries are not great.

That isn't to excuse very bad behaviour - it's outrageous. The boyfriend also sounds like bad news.

i guess you have a lovely house OP!

@BetLynchsEyes, she is such a piece of work! The nerve to ask about a deposit especially given the the few conversations!

Your DH's text is very measured and kind.
Hoping that it hits home with his daughter and that she has a good think about how entitled she has been behaving.

It really doesn’t sound like she understands. You say it was explained to her but it doesn’t sound at all like she understood that dad had X amount of money. House costs Y. Wife put in Z. So dad owned X share, and that will be passed down to her in the distant future. Wife will keep Z share.

She hasn’t lost anything. Nothing has been signed away. It has no effect on her future.

She also doesn’t seem to understand that dad may have savings and also earns X amount of salary, will eventually be on a pension and that’s his money for living his life. She may get something, but only if there is something left. It’s his money. Again, she hasn’t lost anything.

It really doesn’t sound as though she understands that as she keeps talking as though he has signed something to give away his money so she won’t get it. He hasn’t - she’s in the same position she was in before he married.

I think it’ll progress to “this is causing mental health issues” then more crying, possible threats. Stand firm OP.

I’m still gobsmacked that a 27 year old woman expected her father & stepmother to fund a house deposit while she works part time!
Gobsmacked.

She’s only 27. Plenty of time to save and get on the ladder independently. I didn’t manage until late 30s

the cheek of expecting it handed on a plate at such a young age. She needs to work on her career

Yes indeed. A friend of mine whose parents were very wealthy (owned their own business, then sold it to retire) has, along with their siblings, been spending untold thousands on an expensive carehome so their parents can remain together despite both now having some form of dementia. They've been there for at least 10 years, maybe more. I can't imagine there's much inheritance left at this stage, but I've never heard any of the children express resentment.

ETA: both parents are now in their 90s....

Yeah, I agree that she is almost certainly going to go thermonuclear when she reads that message. Quite what that will entail, god knows, but I bet it's going to be something dramatic.

I bet my non existent inheritance on it…

She is awful, and her partner is even worse for wading straight into family finances which have NOTHING to do with him.

As I understand it, her dad's contribution towards the family home was awarded to he mother upon their divorce. So surely that is where the bulk of any inheritance will come from?

Is she suggesting her own mother should also get divorced/ pop off prematurely/ sign an equity release? Thought not.

I was also wondering this! She clearly has the impression that you/dh are very well off.

The Twat 😂

'Working in finance' could mean anything. The call centre of a bank? An admin role in an accountancy firm?

@BetLynchsEyes I hope you have a long and happy life with your DH, enjoying your beautiful home and spending all your money together.

Dunno if this is possible but would your H consider the meeting to also include his ex? I think a serious talk with both parents on the same page might be in order.

@DwarfPalmetto 'Working in finance' could mean anything. The call centre of a bank? An admin role in an accountancy firm?

Cleaning the floors at the local pawnbrokers?