DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

Did your DH tell you SD he would give her the deposit for a house or is this just another example of her entitlement?

Two wrongs don’t make a right 🤷‍♀️

Your DH must be heartbroken, I can't believe how grabby she is, I don't expect his text message to go down well unfortunately

Agreed. I would never want her in my house again. She actually cold-blooded said she wanted you dead and wants your money.

Her own mother got the family house on divorce. If she wants money for a house deposit, why isn’t she going to her mother for cash?

Where is the rest of her relatives like grandparents? Aunties/Uncles cousins.

she is 27 and has 10 years of work. Why hasn’t she got her own money? Is her partner in finance a deadbeat? Where is his money? Or does he think his in-laws step mother’s money is actually “his money”

This is so outrageous I am astounded!! What awful people they are!!

Your poor husband has handled this incredibly well, very calm and level minded response.

Reply to that is 'no you have no right to see anything.'
Followed by 'piss off, use your own money'

She is acting as though its normal to get a deposit from parents and that she is entitled to one. As though thats how society works for everyone no matter what.

She must have led a very sheltered life if this is what she thinks is normal.

There are plenty of people whose families cannot afford to give deposits or bail out credit cards - maybe she has never been exposed to people who have saved for their own deposits or are financially independent.

It is shocking that after all this she still thinks she can ask for a deposit. Lacking in many areas from basic manners, conduct, respect and emotional intelligence.

And to have gotten to 27 years old, working part time and expecting to buy a house in this climate...absolute madness.

I know this might sound rude as your DH is hurting but I feel her parents havent exposed her enough to the harsh realities of life, pushed her character building and life skills - and are now reaping what they've sown unfortunately.

Sounds like she has grown up in a bubble and never had to take any responsibility.

A very sad situation actually for all of you involved.

She needs bringing down to earth and its going to be with a harsh bang when she is no longer bankrolled by the bank of Dad and has no free house deposit. But better late than never. She might have a bumpy couple of years now adjusting to the fact she needs to look after herself. But maybe by 30 years old she will be a better human being for it.

Given dsd isn't married to her partner she would be better focused on sorting out her own financial protections. I would imagine they will be doing the same thing , ie if one of them puts in a higher deposit for their house , they would own a higher share. She ought to understand the OPs set up as being very similar.

However somewhat ironically, it looks like her share of the deposit isn't a sure thing now !

How sad for her DF that his daughter seems him as just a cash machine.

You have to almost admire the pure cheek of her to bring up the house deposit again 😂
She has got some nerve!

Op I saw the first post earlier and was shocked, now I am stunned. This is so awful for you and I am so very sorry it's turned out like this for you both. Reading all your updates and responses I really believe your dsd's boyfriend is behind this... Suddenly after he turns up she wants to know the ins and outs of her inheritance? I also think she went off on one when you called her out because she knew the boyf was going to be angry she's not entitled to anything.... Sending you lots of love and well wishes I hope after their chat that's the end of it all xx

@MinnieGirl And as for “you and her”…how bloody rude!

Arf! I just tutted under my breath "how ungrammatical".

She's in her 20s with a boyfriend who works in finance.

Why is help needed for a deposit?

This got dark very quickly didnt it. I wonder about the influence of DSD's partner and if he has latched onto her because of the (false) potential for future wealth

I'm in Scotland. When I married, my husband had two adult children.

My bank manager advised me not to open a joint bank account. Thank goodness I listened to her. Had I put my money into a joint account, the kids would have been able to claim one sixth of my savings between them upon my husband's death. (DH was a good bit older than I was and retired 4 yrs after we married; I worked for another 18 yrs.)

As it is, after their cheques were sent to them there was a delay of a month before they cashed them. Normally in Scotland, the children are sent a letter asking whether they wish to claim their legal rights. I told the solicitor that I wanted them to get their money and to send a letter telling them that this was their inheritance.

I didn't see the letters, but he told me that he'd said that cashing the cheques meant this was an acknowledgement that they'd received their full entitlement.

There was also a cheque for the grandchild. The solicitor protested about this, but DH had told me to give the grandchild an amount of money and I honoured that. I told him to tell the grandchild that DH had made a verbal instruction.

The solicitor worked out what each child was to get: one third of the moveable estate divided between them. He gave me the precise amount down to the penny. (It's since been suggested to me that this might have been insulting, but it wasn't meant that way - I followed what the solicitor told me to do.)

I gave the grandchild what DH told me to pass on, plus a thousand.

I'm assuming that the three of them took a month to seek legal advice. Unfortunately, the bank then thought that there was suspicious activity: their Fraud Dept phoned me the day before I went into hospital for a planned operation, after the first cheque was finally presented.

I sorted that out and warned them that another two cheques would be on their way, but they must have tried to contact me when I was under general anaesthetic - a week later, the other two had phoned the solicitor to say that their cheques had bounced.

I quickly sorted it out, but I do wonder if they thought that I'd spent their inheritance.

Any spare money you have I would spend it on amazing holidays and treating yourselves and living your best life.

Any other inheritance I'd tell them I was leaving it all to a charity and that's the end of the matter.

Money does very strange things to people. It's awful it has come down to this.

I hope your DH and her SD‘s mum are amicable and can discuss the latest developments when DH is feeling able to. SD needs to understand how appallingly she has behaved from her DM too and hear that both her parents expect her to grow up and get independent sharpish.

Absolutely despicable!

Only if the will was written whilst the person was of unsound mind or was coerced.

In my case as per my previous post, I suspect that my husband's kids looked into this - only to be told that he'd written his will many years before he became ill, so they didn't have a leg to stand on.

yup, I know!

and i'd send them a TON of tacky postcards

Where there’s a will there is a relative.
I have just seen a family of siblings ‘lose’ what I see as a very large inheritance on a surviving parent’s care.
Years of hard work, promotions, career sacrifices, investing, saving and the lot has gone in a few short years.
But none of them begrudged the care the parent needed and it was significant.
They have all done well in life and are independent.
I think any of us will be lucky to leave anyone a fiver in the future.

I also think the message DH sent his daughter was brilliant, OP. It must have been painful to write.

The urgency to buy a house with The Twat who is a fairly new BF is alarming in itself. Could DH tell SD’s mum about this?

The episode further suggests that The Twat is not terribly successful. Given the couple’s lack of history, if he really were successful and in love with SD, the cleanest financial solution would be for him to buy the house and her gradually to purchase equity by paying him as her finances permit.

Ask the BF for full disclosure on HIS finances. I bet he won't be forthcoming.

I am sorry, if this wasn't so painful for you, I would say its so batshit its funny. Its interesting that she has used the same line, the "i have a right to see..." that the boyfriend used.