DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

Good to see support from DH. As for the daughter and husband, it’s none of their **ing business.

She’s really not giving up is she…..
Is she expecting you to provide the deposit for her house?
And as for “you and her”…how bloody rude!
Are why do you need to sit down with her? She knows the set up now but still thinks she’s got rights….what an entitled little madam. But how very sad for DH….thats his child that he’s supported and this is how she behaves.

What on earth makes her think that that is her right? She's literally just given herself the rights in her head, her dad married someone with a bit of money and she decided that he was now entitled to that and by extension she would be inheriting also.

She's really hard of thinking isn't she, still expecting a deposit!

Wow! So very sorry you’re having to go through this. We occasionally have similar. I have a lovely 27 year old step son, not overly close but get on well enough. He has a partner that has actually been good for him overall. However we’re in a similar situation where most of the money comes down from my family side and when my husband and I go, it won’t be a straightforward 50:50 split. It will be more generous than simply 50% of his dad’s share, but not 50:50 with his brother. After all he has a mother to inherit from as well. Last time they were here, there were some odd comments from the partner like, we’ll be rich when we split the house. My step son said something about it’s half mine. I’ve chosen to ignore the comments for now and from your thread I’m grateful I’ve been able to. I’ve actually been the one trying to help them on the ladder a bit, paying their conveyancing, helping a little with money to save. If I left it to my husband they’d get nothing.

I really hope you resolve this in a way that suits you and your husband. Your finances are nothing to do with them in the slightest. They’ll be lucky to get whatever they are given.

I would watch yourself and seek legal advice immediately. Blood is thicker than water. Your step daughter is entitled & mad. Your life could be in danger. She clearly wants your money NOW, and is backed up by her partner as they are demanding cash now. Your husband sounds weak.

incidentally, there’s nothing stopping your husband shredding your will after you die so it all goes to your step-daughter.

If it was a choice between you or his daughter, which would your DH save? You think you, you could find he saves his daughter over you.

And where is the step daughter’s biological mother? Is she putting her up to this?

Do you have any biological kids? You need to update your will giving the house to them once you die (assuming you outlive your husband, and he leaves everything to you and you don't divorce him)

Even though some posters might just right this off as a silly argument, this has revealed your SD true intentions. The fact that she is seeking legal advice means she actually hates your guts and only tolerates you for money purposes.

Get legal advice NOW. Get your will updated.

I wonder if your DH and his daughter have had private conversations about what he’s giving her. He would never tell you this.

God, she’s relentless! I think you are going to need a third thread!

‘Her’ ‘she’ won’t be providing a deposit. And I don’t have any money to give. Love dad.

She’s absolutely insane

She has no right at all to see anything to do with your finances, remain very firm on that. My ex remarried over 20 years ago, his wife has just died, I have no right at all to know what the ongoing financial circumstances are or even how they may 'affect' my/his DS. She needs to be firmly told that she is massively overstepping and there will be no meeting where any 'proof' is provided. If your DH was providing the deposit then he needs to make VERY clear that it's not happening immediately. It sounds to me like he was reliant on you gifting it anyway. But, that all needs to be firmly nipped in the bud asap.

Sorry I must have missed this- why is she expecting her dad to give her a deposit?

I have a right to see what was signed if it affects my future.

This is an interesting phrase, isn't it? Her dad could presumably live another 40 years (not that I know how old he is). She will be retired by then. All his share could go on a care home anyway.

Has her dad given her any indication in the past that he was intending to give her a house deposit?

This is thread 2. The other poster was saying "if" there was a 3rd thread, I think. 😉

What a cheeky bitch!

I can’t believe a woman of 27 has all these ideas about her future which don’t depend on….. her!
Even if her dad has something to
leave her she could be 57 by then. What are her plans?
What does this boyfriend do in finance? Where’s his deposit?
The reason she’s spiralling is because she’s told the boyfriend daddy will be supplying the deposit and now she’s flailing around.
While she has been rude to OP for years this is next-level CF behaviour.
It doesn’t matter what is in the will it has no influence on her future. Her future at 27 is her own responsibility.

I have a right to see what was signed if it affects my future.

😂 well as none of this is related to her money or assets, she needn’t worry about anything you have signed affecting her future!

DH has sent the following, it's close to what @Bellyblueboy suggested.

"I'm not in the right space to talk right now, in fact I feel deeply saddened about how you've behaved. This is my life and my marriage, it is not up for discussion and is no one's business but ours. I think it would be sensible if you found a solution to your deposit requirements yourself. I need some space to process what has happened and hope you can give me that. We will talk at a later date, just the two of us and work towards getting our relationship back on track. Love Dad".

I think I'd be making sure that your wills are watertight after this, OP. I think you can say with 99% certainty that if DH dies first, she's going to challenge it.

And now we have it. They’ve seen the house they want and were expecting your DH to fund the deposit. The hysteria is because they can see this slipping away. Be strong OP - they’ll be lots more emotional blackmail on the way and they won’t give up easily.

Your poor DH. 🥺

This is insane!!! You poor thing and your poor husband.
I don’t know why she thinks demanding money for a deposit will help her situation.
@BetLynchsEyes Had your husband previously agreed to help her with a deposit? Or is this just something she has assumed, because he’s helped her out financially in the past? Either way, she shouldn’t be demanding anything from either of you. I’m just trying to understand what the hell she’s thinking.
As pp suggested—phones off, wine, hot tub and have a lovely evening.

Absolute madness, what awful things to think let alone say!

She seems unaware your poor DH doesn’t have to leave her anything…

She sounds a bit sociopathic with her lack of human emotion, such as saying he should get divorced for money.

Fucking hell. I'd honestly almost find her sense of completely unfounded entitlement impressive in a funny way if it wasn't so sad for your husband to realise that this is who is child has grown up to be/what he means to her.

Well done to him! Absolutely the right response.