DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

This. 100%. He has fuelled it and lit the fire. Sit down and talk about. Your dh’s ex needs to be careful also. He’ll be after her next.

Best of luck to you all.

In a 'hoping for the best' spirit, there is a chance that the DSD will come out the other end of this sad but a little more grown up and self-reliant. She will be much better off without grabby boyfriend, and if she's not boasting to one and all about being an heiress then hopefully she will attract the type of partner who likes her for herself rather than her potential wealth.

I really hope it does happen that way, because it's a terrible life to spend all your time and energy feeling (unreasonably) bitter and cheated of your entitlement. If she's always angry how is she going to plan her work and future to ensure her own happiness.

I had exactly the same financial arrangement with my DH when we bought together. Second marriage, separate kids from first marriages. I put in 75% of the purchase and it was cast-iron ring-fenced with a Property Adjustment Order signed and sealed by both of us.

Very upsetting for you both to see this horrible entitled behaviour, but on the upside you have made sound arrangements and it's none of her bloody business.

OP, has SD asked her mom for money too?

IHT is due before a grant of probate certificate can be issued. House sales cannot be completed until the probate certificate is issued. Same goes for some financial institutions and account types. So if assets are held and cannot be released until the certificate has been issued then sometimes the beneficiaries have to cough up the money before receiving anything. That also includes repayment of any IHT due on gifts over the tax free allowance that have been made within 7 years of death (there are some exceptions).

It sounds to me like she is in substantial financial trouble and has now decided that the boyfriend is some kind of financial advisor.
If there is to be any face to face meeting , then it should be between you, your DH, his ex and DSD, then there's no way of dsd twisting anything at all because you weren't there, that is very important. It sounds like the boyfriend has also been told substantial lies, which makes this difficult as he's acting upon lies rather than truth and trying to 'defend' his girlfriend.

The tax planning element is a bit premature though - you're not both her parents and with the protected elements within the estate, tax planning is probably more relevant to you than your DH. Obviously, this is speculation as I don't know the overall figures you're dealing with but it sounds like the lion's share of your estate would be going to your children. DHs estate might not be over the nil band unless he inherits significantly from you.

It seems that, again, BF is basing his position on DH having a large estate to pass on to DSD which might not be the case.

That being said, I would have all of this information noted on file with the solicitor who has dealt with the ringfencing of the house deposit and wills (assuming it's the same firm) to circumvent any claims against the wills at a later date.

She's digging her own grave by annoying her Dad. Thank God he's defending you and as you say seeing her for the greedy trouble maker she really is!

Even if we give the BF some credit for trying to advise people about a subject in which he's (presumably) reasonably skilled/experienced, the way he has gone about it and the high handed terminology strongly suggests that tact and genuine concern were never that high on either his or the stepdaughter's priorities.

Interesting to wonder if he grilled anyone about the ex-wife's financial standing and tax affairs.

She's now texting her Dad because we've blocked the BF.

"Have you blocked him? He was only trying to help because nobody is listening to me"

Then

"If you won’t speak to him, then he’ll come with me when we talk. I’m not sitting there on my own while you and her tell me I’m wrong. I have a right to see what was signed if it affects my future".

And

"I need to talk to you about the deposit. We have found a house and need to put in an offer."

🙄

Almost certainly not if she has a HUSBAND.

She is still expecting a deposit? To use a MN favourite she's a CF!

I'd feel sorrier for her if the financial burden hadn't been entirely of her own making, parading an extravagant lifestyle on Insta, and if she hadn't expected her dad to pay off her credit cards in the past. I'd also feel sorrier for her if her "confusion" didn't manifest as eagerness for her dad to be conveniently dead so that she can benefit financially.

The presumption of your financial affairs as a married couple affecting HER future is mind blowing. @BetLynchsEyes I absolutely feel for you and your DH

Apparently so!! New reply

Id agree to them coming round op but thats because Id enjoy being very to the point and drawing a line under all their immature silliness.

And lolz at the deposit. Give her a tenner 😂😂😂

Good grief. She’s in no position to demand anything, it’s none of her business what arrangement you have and even less the boyfriend’s!

Can she not see the audacity of her comment? How can she be expecting a deposit now?! Utterly ridiculous. What a CF.

I’d block her. How dare she then still want a deposit! Are you worried she or BF would do something to you at all?

Yep!

Omg 😱 She is delusional!

I would reply if I were your DS

’I have blocked your boyfriend because I have no intention of discussing my personal finances with him. I need to be clear - you have no rights to see any paperwork pertaining to my finances, nor does your boyfriend. I will not be discussing my finances any further. Under the circumstances I hope you will understand I will not be contributing to your house purchase. This my last word on this subject. I still want us to have a relationship, but I will not be discussing my money with you again. Dad.’

Thats not doubling down, that tripling down!

Wow.

"I have a right to see..."!!! Really? Which Act of Parliament confers that right, then?

Put it back on her. Unbelievable.

If I was DH I would be replying you can see the paperwork once I have removed you from absolutely everything you greedy cow

Despite it all, I would still give/lend her the deposit if - and only if- I were planning to do so before all this happened. Subject of course to her contribution being protected. She is still his daughter and he will want a relationship going forward.
However, I would also be putting her straight about her misconceptions around any inheritance. Obviously, boyfriend gets no say.