DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

But why would anyone be interested in his opinions when they are just for his gain? He's just a boyfriend - it's absolutely nothing to do with him.

DSD sounds a complete nutjob. At this rate, dad could disinherit her altogether.

This is what intergenerational inequality has done to society. You life chances can hinge not on your own efforts but inheritance.

I wasn't executor, guess who was? Years down the line things have changed but the bitterness I felt and still do about how my parents made me feel hasn't changed.
I don't want to derail the op's thread so let's get back to that please.

(But yes, my brother's a twat!)

And op, your stepdaughter and boyfriend- words fail me!

We need to get this cleared up and agree a way forward so everyone is happy.

What a ridiculous comment! Who does he think he is? Tell the interfering BF that it's a private family matter and you won't discuss it with him or require his presence in the event of any meeting with DD. She has no 'entitlement to see paperwork' and has been told everything she needs to know for the time being. Your wishes are set out in a legally binding will.
Greed warps logic, eh?

I completely get why your DH is upset and has blocked the BF. What an patronising, arrogant fucking prick.

I think DSD is smitten and has come to believe (probably rightly) that her future wealth is a key attraction.

To whomever said sshe doesn't deserve a conversation, unless you want a really fractured family, I firmly beieve the best course of action is a hard conversation between her (alone), you, DH and his ex. She needs to understand where she stands and stop being influenced by a greedy gold-digger.

Slowly working my way thru this fascinating thread(s) so this may have been said already… DSD has been thinking this for a long time that’s why it slipped out so easily. I would never say nor tolerate my dc or dsc saying…don’t get too attached it’s half mine. It’s beyond entitled.

good she has said it and shown her hand now she can course correct and financially plan for her future which should include FT employment. And if the BF is “after her money” he can exit stage left and she will see his true intentions.

And you can have a check with your solicitor to double down that the paperwork is all in order

as a rule….don't talk shit about people while sitting (eating drinking sleeping) in their home .

This is what intergenerational inequality has done to society. You life chances can hinge not on your own efforts but inheritance.

But in the normal course of events, most people wouldn't expect to get any inheritance until they are middle aged. What have they been doing up to that point? Sitting back with feet up for thirty years waiting to inherit? That's assuming there is any inheritance and it's not swallowed up in care fees.

Just a thought, register your house with the HM Land Registry Alert Service. You will get a notification if anyone searches, or tries to register a mortgage against your property:

HM Land Registry - Property Alert https://share.google/LF8c2XHpqvT0x0OKS

I don’t think anyone is entitled to inheritance, not to mind DSD’s carry on.

BUT that said did DH never think about the future. You protected your assets as you should and I’d do the same. But while you were busy doing all of that to make sure your kids are protected what did DH do for DD? Had he never discussed with his ex what was to happen with the proceeds of the family home?

Life is getting harder & harder go get a start. I will do what I can to help my kids. It doesn’t sound like DH though about DSD at all and she’s his only child.

True, but if you ARE executor, you have to do it and do it properly, which believe me can be ultra stressful and long-drawn out. You can withdraw from being executor and it would not alter your inheritance as a beneficiary.

Absolutely. Some people can be in their 70s before their parents die. What a long time to sit around doing nothing expecting to inherit something you never worked for, and that could be gone by the time you get there!

poor op and her partner are not dead yet

I think this explanation is probably very close to the truth!

He was vaguely talking about losing wealth to tax and making sure effective planning was in place during the meal. He kept talking about people not making efficient tax plans and paying the price later. I was only half listening to him to be honest.

Firstly I am sorry that your mother was such a cow to you.

Secondly, this is excellent advice. A friend was advised to add a note into her will along the lines of "I have decided to exclude X from my will due the breakdown in our relationship in (say) 1987. She has never received financial support from me." Words to that effect anyway, IANAL! That makes it clear that you havent forgotten them but are leaving them out for good reason. She was told that it made it virtually impossible for the will to be challenged successfully.

Wow, nuts the both of them, you are right to distance yourself

This is so weird, does she not realise she could be in middle aged before she inherits anything? She could be waiting a long time.

If you're quite a bit younger than your husband maybe she resents you for potentially making the time before she 'inherits' that much longer??

Bloody hell.

What an entitled couple.

let them get on with it abc ignore

That's interesting advice @PyongyangKipperbang. We are having to think about inheritance for somewhat different reasons and that might be something I have to do with my DM owing to how she's treated my DS.
@BetLynchsEyes I'm so sorry this is happening - as others have said, why does she think she'll inherit soon, even if she's convinced she'll inherit lots at some point?

Blimey who does he think he is?? He thought he was getting a payday and a new house didn’t he. I bet it won’t be long until he dumps her for the next one. What an absolute rollercoaster for you both. Your poor DH. You’re right to not entertain either of them. No one can rely on inheritance for their future these days. Your DH could live to 100 and need care then bang goes the lot! I know from experience. Pour yourselves a nice glass of something and get back in the hot tub!

Have you signed anything in his presence?
And good idea that someone posted on a Claires law but definitely a bit of research on his role etc

The brass neck of the b/f is astonishing!
Might be best to keep him at arms length/dont engage directly with him at all. Dont let on that you can read him like a book.
I'd be fuming & struggling to keep my cool, good luck OP

Have U bought anything for a significant amount recently?
This may b a reason if she thinks your spending her inheritance lol 😁
I briefly saw the thread last night and when u have a gut feeling about someone your usually correct u said she only likes u to keep the peace and u called her out on her remark and she doesn't like it she sounds like a bloody brat !
Keep strong Op and don't let her get to u I know it's hard but at least your DH can now see what is happening x

It's the people who inherit who pay the tax isn't it?

The people who have died may not care!