DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

Re telling children about finances/ will contents etc- here's my view.
My parents always told us what was in their will whenever they changed anything, until they didn't. They left the majority to my brother. No fall out between me and my parents, but he was the favourite and boy did I know it growing up. There was also clauses in their wills which have caused no end of trouble, and if they'd mentioned it to me I would have pointed out that perhaps they also needed plan b? Too late for plan b now, and the stress and endless admin that I've had to do (and continue to do) has nearly broken me at times. Favourite son doesn't have to deal with this.
When dh and I got married, we both had grown up children from previous marriages and I swore that I'd never let ANY of them feel lesser than the other. Our wills have reflected that, and any sizeable monies given to any of them has been reflected in any future inheritance. I've written a letter explaining who's had what and how it will affect them all later, but obviously that could change if nursing care is needed. They've each had a copy of the letter (need to update that, come to think of it!) but I've told them that if they have any questions ask now as I don't want them to have to deal with a dispute when one or other of us dies.
My parents made me feel not good enough, that they didn't love me as much as my brother and that I didn't matter. Not happening with mine and dh's children.

What does the opinion of your 'high net worth divorce barrister' daughter have to do with a thread about inheritance?

If you were mostly left out then why are you taking anything to do with admin and continued paperwork? Just… don’t?

OP I think your DH should keep his communication with his DD in writing, both for a record of what has been said and also so that she can't deny why she's said to him.

It's incredibly hurtful to realise that your own child is just waiting for you to die and I don't know how he can ever come back from that.

Because he - DH - cannot be in a worse position than if they’d divorced the day she - OP - dies

The poster was clarifying that the step-daughter here was right in thinking that her dad could claim for a higher percentage of the house than he put in if he divorced the OP.

@whitefluffydog what exactly do you think is bizarre for women to decide for themselves what to do with their own money, and not share it with unrelated adults who are entitled and unpleasant towards them?

I feel for you about the unwarranted favouritism and the surprise in the will. My experience was not quite the same, but all my life growing up my mother had promised me certain family items,including a few paintings, then when she died her will left them to DB, who of course had little interest in them. I think her reasoning was because I had no DC at the time! 😯

Stop posting tripe.

The OP does not need to leave her assets to her husband. At all.

If she was executor of the will, she had a legal obligation to carry it out.

That’s an incredible overstep by the new BF. Sublime to the ridiculous is right. Quite right to step back OP. Sorry for your DH too. Not a nice feeling for someone to be ready to pounce when you’re taking your last breath. DSD obviously been circling for a while, assuming big inheritance one day.

It might be reasonable if the DSD was genuinely concerned that her dad was being taken advantage of but she is only worried that she is not going to inherit nearly as much as she thinks she is entitled to. She has been planning her future around what she will inherit from her father, which is hurtful and distasteful while he is still (very much) alive.

OP - I read your first couple posts in the last thread and thought you’d totally overreacted. We often ‘joke’ about inheritance with the in-laws - but it is a very two way joke. They know we (especially me) don’t expect anything and want them to have fun with their money while they can.

However, I’m sorry for that. Because this sounds like a bloody nightmare and I think you’re doing well. Glad your DH is on board.

ironically, sd sounds like my money grabbing entitled sister, who made life for everyone difficult every time
Somebody died. You’d think I’d have seen it. My advice is cool, calm and factual. Let her dig her own hole. Good luck Xxx

this.

It's so complicated I can't even begin to explain, hence why plan b would have been so bloody useful!. Believe me if I didn't have to do it I wouldn't have. I'm very admin minded (accounts, tax, pensions a particular skill) but fuck me, it's been difficult.

no you don't, you can decline to act as exececutor. So far as i am aware this doesn't affect anything left to you in the will.

You can renounce your position as executor.
In PP's position, I certainly would!

I think your DSD has a brass neck and needs to be told in no uncertain terms that she is not going to inherit your home in the future , so she can get over it now. What a cheeky, entitled piece of work she is

Hard to believe any of this is true because it's like a soap opera.
But, having said that have known entitled and grabby types waiting by the death bed. This worse though because no one is actually dying and thankfully are very much alive.
Given some of the responses on here though, I don't think some posters have read OPs post properly regarding the sd and her twatty bf. It does sound as if he's driving this.

I’d suggest a non molestation order

DSD obviously been circling for a while, assuming big inheritance one day.

That one day is likely to be decades away though, which is what I find really crazy about all this. I'm in my 50s and my parents are still hale and hearty and I'm delighted about that. But if I'd been sitting there waiting for my inheritance since 27 it would've been a bloody long wait!!

Maybe she was hoping for a big equity release and an early inheritance?

Who knows what fantasy this selfish, greedy, entitled woman had dreamed up in her crazy head?

As others have posted out up-threat though. He might be thinking - being in finance and all that - that he could persuade OP and her DH of the tax benefits of an early inheritance/gift or equity release move to provide a deposit for his home with the step-daughter. This would explain him wanting a sit-down meeting, with him speaking on SD's behalf, to ascertain exactly what the actual financial situation is and what OP and her Dh could do for him them right now, instead of waiting for dad to die.

I agree. My DH and I are in our late 60's and just received what our parents left us in the last two years, when we didn't really need it. We have two kids in their mid-20s and are helping them financially now, when they really need it.