DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

WTF? Do you have some unresolved trauma with your own stepmother? Why do you think a grown woman should be entitled to someone else's property before they've even died?

My sister and I don't expect any kind of inheritance from my dad, although we'll probably inherit his house, which is the house we grew up in. We're both encouraging him to sell and move to a bungalow which would be much more suitable for him as he gets older.

And as a stepmother of 30 of years I think you're barking up the wrong tree, not all stepmothers are Disney villains!

Stepfather apparently.

I'd be slightly worried now about DSD and her very entitled, overstepping partner. Just in case he uses this to create a rift between her and her dad, so he can be 'us vs the world' and control her.

Or hopefully perhaps he'll lose interest once he realises no money is coming to her from the dad's side.

Much like you said in your second paragraph, there is nothing OP said that suggests the comment was to demean her. It’s clearly a joke in the moment, but then opened up conversations which have gone deeper.

The inheritance isn’t hers, I get that. But her making a flippant comment about inheriting her dad’s “side” of the house in a jovial manner does not warrant the reaction it got.

Your DSD and her new partner need to keep their noses in their own buisness and to take a long walk off a short pier.

Their sense of etitlement is more than repulsive, its actually obnoxious and offensive.

Instead of attempting to pursue you through the courts the two of them should be apologising to you and you DH.

They lack integrity, intelligence and manners.

She's really shot herself in the foot though hasn't she! From regular financial support that enables her to run up her credit while only working PT, to having to stand on her own two feet. Ouch! That 'joke' at dinner the other night has cost her dear.

I really do wonder how much involvement the new partner has in how your dsd is being now. Hopefully he will leave her if he was just interested in the money and she will be able to get back to reality. Unless there is some reason why she can’t, it sounds as if she needs a ft job.

What an awful read. My jaw keeps clanging to the floor with every update! I hope to god yours and your DH's wills are bloody water tight OP cos the DSD will be after everything she can get.

Not sure I've read any other thread on here where someone's child is so openly displaying such avaricious behaviour. 😳 quite staggering!

She should never have been relying on inheritance nevermind boasting about it.

Sounds as if she's already had a good part of any potential inheritance, with her dad supporting her through university and bailing her out at intervals since. If He were to continue to do that (he shouldn't, she should be standing on her own two feet) there might not be much left in the end.

As for the bf, 'who the f does he think he is?' sums it up. He sounds like bad news and everyone should be hoping he buggers off once he realises there's nothing in it for him.

We're confused as to why this has come to a head now

Because you called her out on her attitude towards her dad's death, it made her look stupid and now she is clambering to make it look as if she has his best interests at heart not hers

I saw all this with my in-laws. Wouldn’t pay for care out of the mother’s own very healthy bank account because it would diminish what the children inherited. Disgusting. She probably wouldn’t have lived much longer anyway, but she certainly didn’t last long without adequate care. She had 3 adult children, one of which is my DH’s parent. He’s not spoken to any of them since they made it clear what their values were!

This bloke has more front than Blackpool. Absolute fucking nerve.

Blocking without responding is absolutely the right thing to do, although I would have been sorely tempted to respond "Your suggestion is noted. I think, however, that the best thing now is for both of you to stop poking your noses into things that do not concern you. This is my final word on the matter. Do not contact either of us again."

OP’s house is henceforth off limits to DSD. Her dad may agree to see her again outside the home, but without the grabbing deluded boyfriend.

My DH and I are in our late 50s. His DD lives with us and she has SEN needs. She's 33. She will inherit his half because she will need somewhere to live and financial backing as she can't work. I don't have children so currently he inherits my half but I may change this after his death.

But we are also both fit and healthy. My mother is 80 and has years yet. His parents died when he was very young, but he is expected to live to 80 and maybe beyond.

So if this woman is expecting a substantial inheritance from her dad, she may have to wait till she's in her 50s or 60s before she can collect. 20 or more years of estrangement or manipulation when she could just be getting on with her life.

Yeah maybe OP’s dh’s ex should leave some money to OP’s kids in her will. 😂. I mean why not if OP is expected to leave money to unrelated people in her will? I could understand more if the money was more joint but it blatantly isn’t.

"The inheritance isn’t hers, I get that. But her making a flippant comment about inheriting her dad’s “side” of the house in a jovial manner does not warrant the reaction it got."

@Lovethystupidneighbour - I think that comment was intended to mean by the SD, and interpreted as such by the OP, that once the SD inherited from her father, she would be kicking the OP out as the OP would have no rights at all to what is actually the OP’s house. That’s my understanding from all the OP’s posts, as the SD did not understand the situation until her father spoke to her last night to explain it properly.

Wow, I've just caught up from yesterday. Can barely believe what I'm reading. I think it is extraordinary that anyone other than the offspring of the super-rich thinks they will be taken care of by an inheritance. Hasn't OP's SD heard of SKIing in retirement and of care home fees? Very few of us should consider ourselves able to rely on inheriting before knowing the facts. Also, hasn't she got some kind of concept of financial privacy? I wouldn't have dreamt of raising this with parents at 27 yrs. We never discussed their finances until their late 80s and then it was them who initiated it. Having said that, when you are talking blended families, I do think the OP's husband could have outlined the situation to his family once he bought with OP, given the discrepancy between them as co-owners. As I said in an earlier post, I'm in the same position as OP and the one bit of financial info I have insisted is known to my young adult step children is the home ownership details.

This is just not necessary. She's making her bed and must lie in it, she's not an adolescent.

The bottom line is she isn’t entitled to anything. If your DH decides to, he doesn’t have to leave her anything (unless you’re in Scotland where I think it’s slightly different).

She and her partner need to back right off and mind their own business (and make their own money without factoring in any inheritance!).

Sounds like she has fooled herself into a 50/50 belief.

Bananas - but very hurtful that she would double down like that and not immediately backtrack.

Years ago I was at a dinner with dh. His friend's wife announced that she wanted forensic accountants to got through his parent's finances to make sure they saving enough for their care! Her justification was that they would expect her to look after them when the time came!

His parents were late 60s, highly accomplished and highly regarded professional people, still working and publishing! She spoke about them as if they were in their dotage.

The conceit, entitlement, and brass neck had 10 people around the table stunned into silence.

But also, in all her arrogance, it was also a real intellectual fail.

I can see why you would be angry OP. But - your poor dh no? Very painful for him.

I wonder OP if it’s worth putting something in your will that she is purposefully left out of your will? I can’t imagine as a non relative she’d have much claim but it makes it clear. My mum did this in her will, expressed that I was left out as she didn’t like me 😆

Assuming this is real this whole thing has been given far too much headspace, and the DD has been given far too much attention here.

They literally have no rights here. None. It doesn’t matter what they threaten, who they threaten, what they say. They have 0 rights.

The response should have been “no. End of discussion.” And no more messages should have been responded to.

I get that she’s an entitled brat although she’s been made so by the fact she’s clearly been indulged all her life, but the more people panic about this conversation, the more they take it to heart, the more they’re convincing her that she actually has any power here. And she doesn’t.

There doesn’t need to be a conversation. “We’re going to take legal advice,”. The response is, “ok.” Because as soon as she sees a solicitor she’ll be told she doesn’t have a leg to stand on, and be given a bill for so doing.

Honestly this just smacks of making a drama here.

This twat boyfriend reminds me of my ex husband who used to refer to me as “his pension” because he assumed I would receive a massive inheritance. He even brought it up during our divorce proceedings, suggesting that he would somehow have a claim. My Dad was alive! He’d be fuming now, my Dad quite rightly left the bulk of his estate to my stepmother. They had been together for 20 years following the death of my Mum and had contributed equally to their joint wealth.

Who does this man think he is? What on earth has it got to do with him? Who cares if he’s happy? It’s none of his goddamned business and I am speechless at his audacity. I don’t blame you for your stance here, I’d be exactly the same.

They can certainly make it clear to the solicitor when they are making both their wills, perhaps writing a letter to this effect.

Or just leave her a single pound. Then she can't argue that she was forgotten or ignored.