DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

@dapsnotplimsolls Genuine question, why would you think they should even entertain them wanting info about their finances and why on earth involve OP’s kids?

What planet do they live on?

It would be one thing if it was her dads money, you could maybe understand then but to make assumptions that just because her dad married someone with money that that means that she gets to make demands and that you have to provide for her in a divorce settlement or inheritance is absolutely wild.

The BF will soon be off into the sunset when the penny finally drops that L'il Miss Heiress isnt in fact going to be providing him with the high life, and that will no doubt be your fault too.

I really want to sell up if h dies before me and have to down size to a tent so his kids as well as mine get their inheritance in the 40's and I'm in my late 70's having to move to help them out. Years away yet but it's not happening.
You honestly think it's awful?
FFS what planet are you on or are you waiting for money?

You mean the part-time lazy one? Er, No.

You could have your solicitor write to SD to explain terms without providing documentation. Perhaps they could also say that if not satisfied a meeting could be set up in solicitors offices with OP and her DH but would be billed to SD. Boyfriend would have no right to attend. Might stop future appeal. Bracket the bf and provide a way to heal the relationship?

I think a Claire's Law check might be in order or is that just for violence and not coercion?

He's definitely giving off some bad vibes here.

To shut the twatty boyfriend up and to let everyone else know the situation.

I am not a step mother, neither am I old but I agree that you are posting utter bilge. Ageist bilge at that.

On mumsnet you see people have only black and white thinking and react very basic on the threads, uncapable of more nuanced thinking and reactions

P.S. I hope your DH shares that text with DH's ex-wife. She deserves to know what an absolute gold-digger BF is, so she can protect herself, too.

I hope for SD's sake that this will at least spell the end of her relationship, one way or another (either she realises what a dick he is and gets rid, or he sees he won't be getting rich off her and moves on). Lock up your papers (especially if she has a house key) and guard your passwords.

If I were DH I think I might screenshot that text and send to the bio mum. The bf sounds borderline dangerous. I mean, no sympathy for the SD, but she only started with this stuff about the house after she was with him? Coercion seems more than possible.

Maybe in ten years she'll have grown up, apologised for her past behaviour, perhaps be married to a non-arsehole, and you'll all be able to have a sense of humour about this whole episode. There's a chance.

not old, not step mother and not capable of even posting with class and elegance 😆

“Johnny come lately walking red flag of a boyfriend”

👏👏👏

😂

You seem to be rambling, is it the heat? 'The old women' are where? This obnoxious step daughter needs putting back in her box along with the ridiculous boyfriend who has no part in this whatsoever!

I love this, but can SD afford it?

The irony is strong with this one!

OMG what a greedy little bitch, and her partner the same.

On the plus side - your DH has given her a stellar response. Bravo to him, he came good.

You're sorted Op - from what you said in the last thread the legalities are done, and now the DSS can fck ff until she respects both of you. Sounds like her partner needs to go, but obv you have zero control over that.

OMG "agree a way forward so that everyone is happy". But you aren't handing over your money or changing house split/wills for her to inherit half the value so there's nothing to discuss. Except to spell it out again which won't make them "happy".

As I said on the last thread, daughter is a crass grabby cow. As for the boyfriend, who on earth does he think he is? So glad DH had the presence of mind to block him. There is no reasoning with that level of entitlement.

Oh and if the daughter loves money so much, why isn't she working full time?

@whitefluffydog Exacly. What’s enforceable isn’t necessarily an agreement years ago, or decades ago. Many commenting have no idea. However if it’s fair to both parties, judges are more likely to uphold it. If the 1/5 is not deemed fair, then it’s open to argument, and nice fees to the barristers! Wealth before a marriage can be excluded but it gets more difficult as time goes by.

Wow. She is entitled to see absolutely nothing. Your house share is clearly above board and majority yours as you put the most in. It’s actually disgusting she is talking about her fathers money like this, when he’s still alive and well. I’d be absolutely disgusted if this was one of my kids. I wouldn’t be showing her any paperwork and no-one is entitled to an inheritance.

Your husband should tell her (not the boyfriend) that the only paperwork she will see is his will after he has died. And that, the way things are looking at the moment, her name won't feature in it.

It doesn’t matter if they made their wills one day after marriage years ago or yesterday; it’s valid and enforceable. The guy doesn’t own the house so it isn’t even part of his estate - he literally cannot leave it to his daughter and she cannot challenge the will because you cannot go after something that doesn’t even belong to the deceased.

He is leaving his share to her. He cannot leave his wife’s share to her because he doesn’t own it.