DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

How awful for you.

I think you and your DH seriously need to consider Police action to stop this harassment.

For the DSD BF saying that she is "entitled" to see the paperwork is a flag so big and red, its off the charts.

I am lost for words, other than possibly some sweary ones!

He probably will be less inclined to get her pregnant now he knows he wouldn’t be locking down an heiress by doing so.

I agree with this. It needs to be clear and to the point and ended.

Also agree with PPs who have said you need to speak to your own DCs and solicitor to make sure they are aware of what’s been going on so that in event of your death step daughter is shut down before she even starts trying to claim on your estate. Because she will.

"If decisions have been made that affect her future"!!! The brass neck. It's astonishing.

This is so sad. Your poor dh . She sounds like an awful person. The boyfriend sounds insane.

What a CF. When will peopl realise they are not entitled to anything until that person dies and if they are left something, that is a gift, not an entitlement!

It sounds like the bf is going to bail any day soon, now he knows it's theoretical and non existent money.

With our similar situation we did as Your DH is doing. We stopped engaging and dropped the rope entirely. We even sent letters back to sender it was so ridiculous.

Who on earth does he think he is? Mind boggling but....if our experience was anything to go by, it may get worse yet.

My parents split after decades. Mum kept the (paid off) house and Dad kept his (substantial) pension.

(Some years later the house was sold, she frittered away the lot and died in debt. I feel resentment towards my mother for a lot of things, but not this, because it was her money, which is something certain adult children don't seem to grasp )

I hope the excellent and non partisan legal advice they are given is that anyone can change a will at any time for any reason, and can include or exclude whoever they want to ,especially if they are non dependent adults, even if they are related by blood.

So, @BetLynchsEyes , if your OH knows any deserving cats homes, donkey sanctuaries or weird religious cults maybe he needs to sharpen his will writing pencil and have a think about who deserves his little piece of the house you share.

@Uricon2 Well the dd has grasped it but doesn’t have to like it! You lose respect for parents like this. Just because they are idiots, you don’t have to keep quiet. After all the house made its own money and parents who decide to ignore their dc because it’s all me, me, me probably shouldn’t be parents. They certainly aren’t kind loving ones.

You think that the dh is a wuss because the OP has taken steps to protect the wealth she has created BEFORE her marriage to him?
And that, to do that, she is ‘formidable woman’?

Not just someine with her head screwed on her head that has taken solicitor’s advice into account.

I dont know in which world you’re living, but in mine, this is what I’d want to see any woman to do. Normal woman protecting themselves. As they should do

If he only put in 20% of the deposit, he will only get 20% of the value out.

It's very simple. The house is mostly hers because she put most of the money into it. It's her family inheritance.

Or do you think 15 years of marriage cancels all of that out?

Why is a way forward needed? @BetLynchsEyes and her husband don't need to explain anything to the daughter and absolutely not to the johnny come lately walking red flag of a boyfriend

I wouldn't be engaging with either of them, absolutely none of their business

Yes, this. I know you have said the necessary paperwork has already been drawn up BUT I wouldn't put anything past these two. I'd politely suggest you prioritise a solicitor's appointment just to cover a number of points raised by others on here. Just for peace of mind. The pair of them are utterly vile.

loving ODFOD gonna steal that

I’m so sorry this is happening. It’s awful when people talk about their parents’ future death as a financial milestone. She’s had it in her head that her dad has married money, and that one day then half of it will be hers. Well, if she thought that, she could, at the very least, have treated you with some kind of respect, rather than disdain. What an awful situation.

eh?

Imagine texting the dad of your new girlfriend, saying we’ll visit you soon so we can look at your house paperwork 😵‍💫.

The ex wife having the house as settlement may have ensured that a secure, consistent roof was kept over Grasping Daughter's head as a child/young person, which would surely have been in her interests. Her DM has the chance to make sure her estate goes to Grasping Daughter. I really fail to see what her DF (who also paid for her university education, see upthread) has done wrong.

@Slightyamusedandsilly Yes. It may well do as they are married. After a long marriage, what you put in fades into distant memory. Short marriage is different and pre nups mean a lot more. A longer marriage means everything upon divorce and evens up financial input into marital assets. The whole house is an asset between the two of them. Source - DD a high net worth divorce barrister.

It sounds like all of this stems from DSD making the false assumption that her DF’s share in his marital home is greater than what it really is. Now she understands it’s less than what she thought, she’s livid that her future inheritance won’t make her the millionaire she expected to be. It’s ridiculous and grabby to have ever has this expectation but if she was 20 when you got married and your DH has never disclosed his finances to her (nor should he have) then I can understand why she is now upset. If she’s working part-time because she expects to be comfortable down the line and if she’s been portraying herself as an heiress in waiting to men then she’s the biggest fool. The talk your DH and his ex need to have with her is to explain what financial independence means. For a 27 to even have this mentality is so weird.

yes, we have this with my mum. She keeps married to the man because for now the house is entirely left to us but if they divorce, he can part with 50% of it, they have been married for 25 years now

Worst case, they need to know if there is a realistic prospect of trouble ahead.

Bollocks.

I think this thread is the only time I’ve made a 100% about turn from what I thought reading the op. When I read the original thread, I thought the OP was massively overreacting. The more updates we get, the more obvious it becomes that the SD is simply bad news. And her BF even more so.

I think a family meeting might actually be a good idea but only if you include her mother and exclude the boyfriend. At least she seems sensible, and she’s clearly concerned about her daughter. Maybe between you you can talk some sense into her and get her to dump the boyfriend