DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

Just to put a positive spin on this.... your DH has proven his worth as both a husband and father. He has supported you as you deserve, and he is concerned about his daughter. Now he's aware of a number of issues with DD, I'm sure he will take a few days to consider what he can do to help her.

Well done you for finding a good one!

I think there's a very tricky path to read with his DD now. I hope he can find a way to reach her and explain what the situation is. Maybe he and his ex can do this together if they have good communication, and clearly a common interest in helping their DD.

Careful you don’t pull a muscle with that stretch.

If you read the OPs posts you will see that is not true and that the ex wife is very concerned about the boyfriend and his influence on her DD

Being clever too much, heartless also too much?

Tbh the only thing he needs to reply is im not dead yet, and you get nothing when I am

I actually think it might be a good idea for DH to speak candidly to his DD about finances (maybe her mum should attend as well). This could be a teachable moment for her.

She's obviously under the misapprehension that her dad is minted and she's going to get everything.

Make it clear that any adult with aging parents would be foolish to be depending on a future inheritance as it could all be swallowed up in medical /caring bills.

She needs to furrow her own trough. A good start would be to get a full time job and budget appropriately. The bank of mum and dad is closed

The BF needs to sod off. No way should he be involved in any of this

What a pair of vultures! I'd make it clear to them the only person you will be having a sit down meeting with is your solicitor

Wtf does he mean "aggree a way forward do everyone is happy"?

That whole message is batshit crazy.

SD has clearly been spoilt literally rotten to the core.

Hopefully this scavenger BF leaves her before she gets pregnant. He sounds like a rat of a human being and dont want him connected to you all going forward.

Ive no advice as both SD and BF seem unhinged.

Maybe just text them. "There will be no meeting, the bank of Dad is closed. Do not contact me on this matter again."

Mine did! He gave me the house we lived in, all the profit when I sold it, paid all the mortgage on the next property I moved to ( as I couldn’t get a mortgage of my own as I didn’t work) and maintenance too- so I could stay at home with the children until they went to secondary school. I then returned to work and got my own mortgage. Not all ex husbands are out for all they can get!

I wonder if a lawyer’s letter setting it all out might be the cheapest and most constructive way of proceeding. It’s better than a face to face meeting when all sorts of emotions will be circulating. It might also unnerve the Bf.

Interesting to see this from you!

It sounds like the situation is killing DH, as it would. But the BF sounds beyond insufferable with the young woman’s own mum extremely concerned. ( I don’t think I’ve ever called anyone a twat in print before today)

I agree bridges are wanted but they sound a longer term goal for now.

The SD probably does need an explanation of the arrangements (as you suggest in a subsequent post) and her DF should be present, but I really think the solicitor needs to lead, to keep the temperature down and keep the DF from saying anything stupid. The twat is trying to intimidate. I cannot imagine that the SD has any right to see legal papers between OP and her DF, and I agree with PP that Twat is suggesting this because he wants copies for his own purposes.

OP, this has nothing to do with your situation, but are you comfortable with women on this thread calling your step daughter all the worst misognistic names?

Bitch, cow, brat, etc?

She's behaved badly but there is no need for the misogyny imo.

Huh? Why would the Daughter be entitled to anything from the stepmother. There is literally no link between them other than the SM being married to the daughter’s father. No legal relationship is established between the daughter and SM.

ODFOD

Yours,

A stepmother

I don't think much of your SIL for staying with him now she knows what he's truly like.

Why should the daughter be entitled to her stepmother's money, when she has her own parents to inherit from? The stepmother's money in this case is going to her two daughters. Where's your compassion for them?

FFS, this situation is ENTIRELY of the DSD's making! Other people's money is exactly that, she needs to cut her cloth and live a life she can afford. Even if everything was being left to her, no inheritance is guaranteed.

Do you know if they're joint tenants or tenants in common? The latter is the way to go if there's concern about everything going on care fees. And do you / sister have POA? This makes everything a million times easier when it comes to looking after them, should they lose capacity. It's not grabby or nosey to just make sure you know what's what with things like that, and to arrange everything so you could handle their affairs if it were necessary.

Why would there be compassion for either of the pair? They’re fully grown adults that have chosen to behave as they have, and now it’s all come crashing down. Good.

yes and they don't delete these posts but delete many more completely sensible ones

Dear God, the BF is a real piece of work!

I'm sorry, OP, for you and your DH having to deal with such an outrageous demand.

I think the SD’s ire ought to be directed wholly to her father, who got himself into such a position that he could not enter into a 50/50 financial relationship with second wife. (And only the SD’s ire, OP has nothing to do with this - she accepted that her partner could not go 50/50 and took legal advice on the ramifications of this).
And perhaps he took less equity from the former marital home? Perhaps, but then the SD’s mother has that equity and she ought to be taking steps to ensure it passes to her daughter. Again, nothing to do with OP.
And if all stepchildren are to be dealt with equally and as if they were full children, SD was never going to get 50% - OP has 2 children so at most it was only ever a third. SD cannot have it all ways.
Hell would freeze over before I would discuss family finances with the BF. He can mind his beeswax.

Edit: papers between OP and her DH

Your poor DH and you. This all sounds totally unhinged.
The boyfriend is making it sound like he is ‘helping / isn’t he supportive etc’ but it’s good your DH and ex wife and are on speaking terms so they both know what’s going on as it sounds worrying.