DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

She’s not entitled to see anything! What an insufferable entitled human.

I’d tell your H to text him back saying, “Will you be having this sit down conversation with DD’s mother too - after all, she’s the one who received all our marital assets bar my pension, and is in the best position to leave some inheritance to DD (if she chooses to, since inheritance is not an entitlement)?

😆🍿sheer madness

OMG! How long has she been with this guy? Who even is he? How many times have you met him?

I think my parents would be a pretty affronted to get a text like that from my husband after 25 years of us being married.

Sooooooooo inappropriate and misjudged!

I would ignore, but they seem to be very very unaware. Your DH needs to tell him that this is absolutely none of his business and that you will absolutely not be discussing any of this with him.

I think she’s entitled to see the paperwork if decisions have been made that affect her future. If everything is fair and above board, that shouldn’t be an issue. We need to get this cleared up and agree a way forward so everyone is happy.

Entitled. That is exactly the problem. She (and he, by extension) thinks she is entitled. She is not entitled to anything, to see any paperwork, to receive an inheritance. Nothing. There is nothing to be cleared up and no way forward needs to be agreed, let alone everyone be happy with it. If a conversation is to be had, he should 100% not be involved.

@BetLynchsEyes Hmm. That’s reasonable in my view. Has everything been explained to her properly? I think you need to build some bridges. Or what? He’s no daughter which he might not really want. She’s going to see you as taking her dad away. Is the only relationship you have about money?

Maybe SD has told her boyfriend over and over again that she will be a millionaire one day when her DF dies (assuming that he owns 50% of all OPs assets and she will inherit) but her boyfriend (being in finance and all) recognises that inheritance in the distant future is worth less than ‘early’ inheritance for tax planning for the wealthy - meaning that it may make sense to provide a gift to SD now to reduce inheritance tax. He may even think that DH is wealthy enough to make a substantial gift without equity release. Or that he can act as his financial advisor and sell him some products. Either way he benefits as his girlfiend receives a gift which can be used as a deposit on a property 50% owned by him. To find out that the father is not so rich as he was led to believe by his girlfriend scuppers plans. Maybe that’s why he is now inserting himself and suggesting legal advice? Ie girlfiend is not a fantasist - her father has been stitched up.

Bloody hell OP!
The boyfriend is absolutely batshit. Who does he think he is? Can the mum have a word with the daughter? As if you need to open your finances to a complete stranger for approval. Something very weird is going on there.

Wow, she’s demanding to see the paperwork? That’s batshit, it’s not her money it’s her father’s, what next demanding to see his bank statements and dictate how he spends.

id also ignore it, id respond to my child and privately and say happy to meet one on one, but i wish you to remember this is my money, not yours, you will inherit what estate, if any, I have at the time of passing, you are not entitled to my wife’s estate, this goes to her children, as mine goes to you. The house was purchased mainly by her and remains her asset, which is whay I wished ans still wish, I married for love, not to take from her. I’m deeply disappointed in your entitled grabby behaviour regarding her assets.

Wow. Who does this guy think he is? Your DH needs to respond telling him in no uncertain terms that this is none of his business and there will be no sit down or sharing of information.

OP, perhaps the lawyer who drew up the earlier legal agreements between you and DH could advise on the best way forward?

Its just getting ridiculous now. No-one is entitled to money someone else has.
Even if her dad owned the house 50/50 there is no guarantee she would get anything when he died.
My dad and his siblings ended up with £2,000 when my grandparents died. Anything they had was spent on care home fees. House, their savings everything.

Id fully cut them off and change the wills to leave her £1. If they continue to harass you I'd also report her to the police.

Quite. And OP also mentioned that the ex wife got 100pc of the house in the divorce so presumably the mum will be leaving this to the daughter. So she has plenty of inheritance to come her way

‘Reasonable’?! That some random bloke should think he has the right to know all about the personal finances of someone he is not related to?!

None of his fucking business 😡

He’s taking his role in “finance” beyond its parameters now!

It's unbelievable that the BF thinks that any of this is anything to do with him. Why the fuck would he be welcome at any meeting to discuss his GF's family finances??? He thinks he should be there to 'keep the conversation on track'???? WTAF? He's not a member of the family, it's nothing to do with him!

I think you, your DH and his ex should all be very concerned about this man. His unhealthy interest in his GF's (hopefully decades in the) future inheritance is extremely worrying.

I'd suggest a sit-down meeting with you, DH, DSD, twatty boyfriend, DSD's Mum, DSD's Mum's partner, your kids and YOUR SOLICITOR.

I am only assuming....but the ex wife is in plain sight in the background supporting this

The boyfriend is definitely driving this imho.
Texting your DH to arrange a " sit down" meeting to thrash it all out.
Thrash what out? OP and DH are hardly about to cark it .
SD sounds like a grabber just waiting for the undertakers to turn up

Told you the BF was heavily behind this escalation despite her being vile.

Who the hell does she think she is?! What a cheeky, entitled brat! Not surprised your DH is livid. She needs to keep her nose out of your business! Would she jump into your grave so quick? Fucking cheek of her! 😮

The boyfriend thinks she’s rich and due a large inheritance. When he realises he’s wrong he will probably disappear (hopefully).

as for step daughter she is correct that if your DH divorced you he would be entitled to more (which she then wants). My father just went through another divorce my step mum has nearly everything.

l have never married my DP yet as I want my share of our house to eventually pass to my DC.

He doesn’t need legal advise on how to deal with his daughter, good grief. There is no way forward, what’s done is normal. Her financial input into the house as protected as it should be in a second marriage when both sides have kids. He is entitled to what he put in and the same percentage split of any increase in equity.

the issue is his daughter thinks he should have held out to own 50 percent so she can have it, even though he wasn’t contributing to it. And thrust depriving the ops kids.

It's all a bit ridiculous.

Ah come on now, you know Mumsnet loves a live updates thread.