DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

We've had the 'undeveloped brains until 25' nonsense for ages, now a rude, grasping, entitled adult woman of 27 is a "poor kid" according to @lauraloulou1

Perhaps the age of majority should be raised to 45, or maybe 60 to be on the safe side.

You are the step daughter and I claim my £5

RTFT! How about you have some compassion for the OP and her DH who has an entitled DD who is planning on his death for her future financial security!

Your stepdaughter is an entitled little bitch isn't she! Her boyfriend knows nothing. Let her get legal advice. They'll laugh at her.

Op used the money from her own house sale to fund the house she has bought with her now dh. Her dh gave the house he was living in to his ex, his dds mother if I am remembering correctly. Op hasn't inherited any millions.

Is it common amongst younger people? It is harder and harder to get paid care for the elderly so people are aware that all assets could be swallowed by care needs so inheritance is not a given.

I read your other thread and I did wonder about the new boyfriend's influence. It sounds like he's a bit of a gold digger and is influencing the young woman. Hopefully she will see that sooner rather than later. It is dreadful to publically wish your parent dead so you can inherit. Just awfully hurtful and beyond grabby. And trying to split you and your husband up by trying to stoke resentment is nasty. She deserves to lose you both from her life for that.

I would LOVE to hear the other side of the story, not one carefully crafted to make it look like an evil step-daughter set up on ruining and destroying her perfect MIL

Have we been reading the same thread? I didn't take that from the OP, and I still don't get that. He sounds a perfectly nice and fair man whose daughter is delusional, sadly. The DSD also appears to have acquired a gold-digging boyfriend who believes he's struck a rich seam.

I cannot see how the OP nor her DH have led this young woman to believe she's set to inherit a fortune, and her constant, unpleasant digs, culminating in this very nasty "joke" have been the final nail in the coffin of any potential inheritance or donation to her house deposit from her SM.

I kind of agree with this. DSD is an entitled brat, but I can see why she doesn’t like you. These are two separate scenarios:

1- a joke was made and you completely blew up and humiliated her
2- she’s completely messed up and wrongly believed she should get inheritance and is now being a twat.

You’re both in the wrong for both reasons. I grew up with partners on both sides who weren’t tolerant of the step children. Not mean, not horrible, not abusive. Just generally intolerant. And when I think back to before I had a family of my own, where my only safe spaces made me feel like I wasn’t welcome/constantly getting scrutinised for every stupid think I said in my own home, I think about what a fucking lonely existence that was.

Sorry if I missed it, but do you have Lasting Powers of Attorney (both types, Health/Welfare and Property/Finance) in place for each other? Joint accounts to maintain access in the event of incapacity or death? Life insurance? Assets written in trust? Letters of wishes? You never know, and you need protection if the worst happens - however unlikely - with family like that waiting in the wings.

A separate issue is whether and how you rescue and maintain family relationships going forward; clarity and structure might come to help with that.

I’d be going to your lawyer and getting your wills extra water tight… if something was to happen you don’t want your kids having to fight her endlessly

Also why does she only work part time? Is that to do with expecting funds from the bank of dad?

If DSD was reading this I would say:

• parents divorcing and new half siblings coming along can cause severe wounds to your sense of self, safety and self worth if the adults overlook how best to help a child in this situation. Maybe this happened to you and you now try to cover that wound by over spending, creating a false IG life and sniping at others. The story you have been living has possibly attracted a gold digging man and you need to ask yourself if he really is in love with you or more with the story you told him.
• Maybe invest in some therapy with someone with wisdom who doesn't encourage family ruptures for the sake of it but helps you find and build inner confidence and self worth while also taking responsibility for yourself.
• When parents re-marry, being disinherited either deliberately or unwittingly is not uncommon so there is no shame in having this discussion at the appropriate time. However, you have had a skewed belief of what your father's financial position is. Moreover, he has married someone younger and with assets so likely inheritances are far into the future. It's unlikely you built this belief up out of nowhere, he's probably noticed that you have presumed certain things and not corrected you as he may also be living a bit of a "cover up" as he doesn't want his DD, nor the world to know that he is the weaker financial partner in the relationship.

Hi op this wasn’t a joke then was it. It’s not ideal but I think it’s best you know her intentions now as she was hoping for half and will save you a lot of grief and expense if her dad did die. I hope you get it sorted out soon but if her new bloke is only interested in her inheritance he knows she’s getting nothing so he might not stick around. Also she was rude to even joke about it. Now it’s in the open her dad sees her for what she is.

As much as it's none of her business and probably not what you want to do, if you think that the boyfriend is a money grabber, it might be worth laying out exactly what she might or might not get in terms of inheritance - if he knows that there's only say 20% of a £500k house, that you took legal advice and signed legal documents before buying and after marrying and so there is no room for contesting, and that you also have a lifetime right to remain maybe? So that even if he passed next year she might not get it for 35 years more.
And that his pensions etc go solely to you, and again it's all done legally so not contestable.
Just a thought that it might scare off a money grabber partner.

Well, having now caught up on both threads it is clear your DSD is well out of order OP.

I was out for a walk with (now) DH and DSD once, and DH said ‘ok, we are going to go back to TheNoWord’s house now for some tea’.

DSD replied ‘oh, but it will be your house soon won’t it daddy?!'

To be fair, she was 5 years old 😁

They're not her children though...

Op didn’t react badly to a joke. She reacted to yet another pointed dig designed to demean her.

Nothing OP has said suggests she wasn’t welcoming to her stepdaughter. If she wasn’t, she’d have blown up at her long, long before now.

From the sublime to the ridiculous 🙄 I don't even care if this is outing anymore, it's getting beyond a joke.

Seems like the jungle drums have been beating following DHs chat with his ex wife. DH has now had a text from the BF.

"I think the best thing now is a proper sit-down meeting. DSD is too upset for this to keep going over text, and things are getting twisted. I’ll come with her and keep the conversation on track so it doesn’t turn into everyone blaming her. I think she’s entitled to see the paperwork if decisions have been made that affect her future. If everything is fair and above board, that shouldn’t be an issue. We need to get this cleared up and agree a way forward so everyone is happy".

DH isn't even going to respond, he so angry and hurt. He's blocked the number and won't engage with the BF further.

I think it might be an idea to go chat to the solicitor that your wills are held with about the situation.
If your DH gets hit by a bus tomorrow, his daughter could have sufficient case, motivation and callousness to contest the will, since he/you have bailed her out as an adult in the past, which demonstrates a level of financial dependancy on him. I'm not saying she'd win, but it's an awful thing to have to deal won top of grief.
Just something like him including a letter of intent to explain his wishes alongside his will might help mitigate that potential future nightmare.

Get yourself on Instagram so you can see what she's posting.

She'll inherit from her mum. If her mum ending up with the house, why would she think she'd inherit her dad's wife's house, particularly as you have two children yourself?

That guy sounds like very bad news. However, if she proves to have no money then he'll be off soon.

Why does she only work part time? How can she expect to have any money if she's not working full time?

How old is your husband that she thinks she's not got long to wait?!

A) She’s not that young or vulnerable-she is 27, has form for previous nasty comments to OP, and lives her life on insta with photos of her privileged experiences
B) She also has her own mother she will inherit from as well as whatever her father was going to leave her-it just doesn’t suit her that it’s not going to be as much as she thought.
C) OP has 2 children of her own to inherit from her
D) No one should be planning their lives/future around someone else’s death and what they can get out of it. It’s entitled and grubby. There may be nothing left if OP and her DH need care in later years.

Blimey, things have gone from bad to worse!
Your poor DH but at least in a way you’ve been validated.
Let them spend their money on legal advise, it won’t get them anywhere and my bet is the boyfriend won’t stay around if he’s that interested in her financials.
Its all a bit nuts but at least her Mother thinks it’s all bizarre as well!

Oi! Unfair to rattlesnakes. They're pretty cool. And are one of nature's finest adapters. 🐍

So her boyfriend sees a rich girl, working part time, with parents paying her credit card bills.

You need to make it clear that the bank is closed.