DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

Poor kid? She’s fucking 27!!!

The stepdaughter is getting a really hard time here- understandably so, but I hope you can find a way to forgive her once this blows over OP. She sounds very emotionally immature, and insecure. Psychologically, money = love, and its telling her dad doesnt put any effort into hosting her. I think she has a father wound or she wouldn't be acting so desperate with this new dodgy bf

It's exactly that "be kind, after all she's my daughter" I was thinking of, cheezncrackers", especially if she turns on the poor me waterworks with daddy

I'm the very last to blame men for everything, which is why I've little time for suggestions it's somehow now the new boyfriend's fault, but with his own remark about her "mean streak" - albeit smoothed over with the "good person at heart" thing - I do have to wonder just what guidance she's had from him

Given the jig is up for the DSD I don't see what further harm she can do. At least she's not keeping it a secret, going thru private papers and financial docs and plotting.

She's just having a tantrum.

Don't be so ridiculous!

Such is the show of your togetherness as a couple and comfortable lifestyle OP, that DSD has had years to build herself an uninterrupted fantasy about how she will naturally inherit half of it. With nobody ever presenting fact over fantasy to discredit her imagination.

Nobody has really set her straight in the sort of normal (and really quite vital) family conversations you have around the dinner table, parents and children together discussing financial futures and financial planning. Until now.
And so it’s easy for the subsequent fantasy to take seed in her gullible mind, of you being financially coercive. It’s easier for her mind to use that as a defence for the humiliation of feeling let down in front of her new bf. Easier than simply facing the truth that she has to work for her own financial security and that absolutely nothing will be given to her on a golden plate.

This is ironic considering it’s the bf who seems to be the coercive financial controller in this whole sorry episode, as he seeks to put all sorts of ideas in her head about your DH cashing in on a divorce before it’s too late. She is clinging to that idea out of desperation for her poor life skills and poor confidence in her own abilities. She has got away with far too much for too long.

The more outrageous her behaviour becomes, the more it’s important for your DH and his ex to take some responsibility for this.
What did he think her future financial and life plans were ?

Why has he never discussed it with her before now.
He could easily have avoided this awful situation with proper parenting, including over her ill-mannered attitude to you all these years which has never been corrected because you kept quiet about it.

He should resist focusing in on her wish he were dead, ( I’m sure that’s not true anyway) and instead, focus on making up for all those missing and basic conversations he failed to bring her up with.

Maybe her mum thought her dad was doing it and her dad thought her mum was doing it. But nobody was doing it. So easy then, to fall into the hands of a manipulating bf.
Give her the tools to help herself to financial independence.
She’s 27 and acting like a spoilt teen. She needs help.
Who else is going to do it?

@lauraloulou1

R U OK Hun?

Thinking along similar lines… tho as ‘D’SD has been more than a little mouthy I’m inclined to think she may have got herself into excessively deep debt? Why else would she have a new BF who works ‘in finance’?

Good post by @LAMPS1

@Puzzledandpissedoff well if that's his plan, as I say, I wish him luck. The OP's eyes have been well and truly opened to his DD's plans and I can't see her happily signing over tens of thousands of pounds to get her set up for life. A woman who doesn't even work FT and who has a taste for expensive hotels.

I have a nasty feeling that the DSD is also in rather a lot of debt and has been hoping to get that paid off by Daddy dearest and the stepmother she can't stand, but still considers to be a kind of magic money tree. The viciousness of her language since the recent revelations regarding her DF's actual financial situation smacks of desperation to me, which is a never good sign. I fear a can of worms has been opened ...

😂😂

Lol. Try reading both threads in full.

From the latest updates it sounds as though this young woman has vot herself into a very iffy relationship, her bio mother is equally concerned and disturbed.

She does not deserve for him to lay out his financial position for her to understand. Why should he? Particularly after showing how callous and grasping she is. He must be heart-broken, but does not need to pander to her about his financial or marital business. A break from her would probably be best.

I think they may have already put an offer in on a house …

I think you’ve misunderstood all this

Yes, I agree, this is exactly what I thought. The SD does sound incredibly immature and is obviously used to being bailed out. The poor love might be forced to get a FT job now 🤣.
The boyfriend does sound a bit sinister though.

Wow. She is so entitled. What makes her think she will be inheriting anything? Your H could have left everything penny to the dogs home for all she knows. Your poor DH must be so upset shes counting the pennies and he isnt even dead. She'll be rubbing her palms together when he gets sick.

I really hope you were being sarcastic here!

We need the "laugh" emoji back.

She built an entire future on a fantasy, which just got (rightly) shredded. She’s having the mother of all tantrums right now, and lashing out impotently. If she wants to waste money on a solicitor then that’s up to her.

I do wonder if part of this is her trying to hold onto the boyfriend because she thinks (also rightly, but the sounds of it) that he’ll drop her now he’s discovered she’s not the heiress she’s presented herself as.

At this point, I’d just let her blow the air out of her own sails by herself. She’s a very immature 27yo woman who is acting on emotion rather than fact or logic. Don’t waste your time. Let her take and pay for whatever legal advice she wants, you know she’ll get nowhere with it. Pity your DH and his ex didn’t do a better job with her.

She built an entire future on a fantasy

Yep, this sums it up.

Well, as someone getting on a bit, I do wonder if this kind of thinking and discussion is quite common among younger people. They are struggling to get any kind of house, and see parents and grandparents living in huge houses that the same kind of work life would not provide today. They come to expect that inheritance will help them out, and may have seen friends get 6 figure inheritances that transform their lives.

The result is partly to infantilise the children, who may see less reason to try hard. Why struggle to save up £10,000s when a parental death will get then £200,000 overnight?

OF course, parents may need care, they may just decide to spend the money (though it's hard to spend a house, you need to live somewhere).

But whilst this DSD has said it out loud, doubtless many others are thinking it.

Lol

It would make sense for your DH to sign everything over to you at this stage, and you can make a will saying that if you die first he can stay in the house for the rest of his life, but after that the house goes to your family.