DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

So you think the DSD is entitled to inherit considerably more than the money her father put into the house and brought to the marriage? Because she is getting some inheritance – his share – just not as much as she presumed.

And if it was reversed and her dad was the wealthier one, you think it would be okay for OP's two daughters to inherit a substantial chunk more from him as well?

It sounds like you had a bad time with your stepmother. Some stepmothers aren’t very nice and that is a serious wrong, particularly when perpetrated on young children.

But where the hell is the evidence that OP is one of them? Analysing, the first post of her first thread was ambiguous. In the first post of this thread, she made a bit of a leap from saying that the SD and BF were interested in how her DH’s position might be improved if they divorced, to saying the YP were advising divorce. Evidence for the leap is missing.

However given OP’s very understandable stress around all of this, I think she has done a good job overall of relating events coherently and without drama. In no way do I sense that she is a Stepmother From Hell.

It’s to the credit of OP, her DH and his ex that they maintain good relations, are all concerned about the SD, and OP still seems to want what is best for her.

I would say the boyfriend is behind this, and that your DSD is not so bright. The best thing that could happen would be for him to dump her.

Troll alert!

She’s living in a warped fantasy world. Good that her mum is on side.

Can your DH mute her messages for a while. It will mean he can read them if and when he chooses rather than having them popping up any time.

The boyfriend is mentally bumping off the father and presumably the mother who also has a house and assets. How creepy is that.

It's a very strange way to go about securing a house deposit from your dad and stepmum.

You'll see from the comments you're very much in the minority there. OP's DH can't leave what he doesn't own. He went into the second marriage and the second house purchase with a lot less equity than OP - because his first wife got the house in the divorce. The SD presumably stands to inherit from her mother. And from her father - she was just mistaken about what he actually has to leave her. If he owns 10% of the house, for instance, that's what she'll get.

OP sounds perfectly reasonable to me - and it seems like the only thing the DH is hurt by is the horrible behaviour of his daughter.

On any of the OP's posts, you can click 'See All' in the corner and the thread will filter to only show OP posts.

Undistinguished vitriol? Vulnerable young women?

Wtf are you on about?

Just a thought - does she have keys to your house? If so you need to get the locks changed as the first chance she gets she could be in rifling through papaerwork.

The detail that she only works part time - unless there’s another good reason - feels sort of pertinent. Like it’s just a holding thing and she’s been banking (pardon the pun) on marrying someone who will support her or, well, this…

In so sorry you are both going through this, she has shown her true colours, it’s a relief that the ex wife isn’t defending her. I would be tempted to go no contact until she fully apologises and shows she has grown up and changed. Your husband seems to be viewed as nothing more than a means to money she is dreadful. He must be devastated what a terrible blow!

Let’s hope there isn’t a grandchild a year from now and they’re looking to you to pay off debt, and this time it comes with huge emotional blackmail.

This must be satire. Just must be!!

@BetLynchsEyes I’m so sorry things have deteriorated but am very pleased DH has had his eyes opened. I wish both of you the strength to grapple with this - at least his ex wife is sensible and not encouraging this lunacy.

I am 59 and my parents are in their 80s. I have no idea what the provisions in their wills are.... What is important to me is that they are still here. I would give all the money in the world for that.

You DSD needs to have a proper 121 with her father. If he doesn't want to do that though, I completely understand.

I am intrigued as to why a 27 year old graduate is only working part-time. This speaks volumes.

Poor you and your husband. Like you say, she has shown her colours and your husband is now seeing them clearly also. What a sad situation for you both.

What kind of about turn could he make though? He came to the marriage with pretty much fuck all. He lives in a house that is majority owned and paid for by the OP, whose money is protected by what sounds like a pre-nup or similar. So what's he going to do - pressure the OP to 'be kind' to his DD? I wish him good luck with that after her recent behaviour and the last two days of revelations.

I'm really shocked that the stepdaughter is going round telling everyone she is going to be a millionaire, when her father is alive and well, it's disgusting behaviour. Apart from that, she also had no basis on which to think this.

No one knows what's going to happen in the future and when anyone is going to die. How old is her father? If he's in his fifties he could live for another 30 or 40 years.

Does she really think she's going to not bother taking responsibility for her own financial wellbeing being in the hope she will inherit when she's in her fifties or sixties or older? What a way to live if so.

I'm in my sixties and when my father died a few years ago everything rightly went to my mother. She is nearly 90 and in excellent health, I fully expect and hope her to reach a hundred, by which time I'll be in my seventies.
I can not imagine living my whole life in the expectation of inheriting a sizeable amount rather than making my own financial success, my children have that attitude too.

After what she has said and done (like boasting of her wealth when her DF dies - poor man to know she has done that) - she does not deserve for anyone to sit down and tell her what their financial position is - it is none of her business. No one can assume entitlement to an inheritance, even if their parent does have assets. She is deluded, greedy and totally unfeeling towards her father. Don't bother to explain your finances OP and DH. And don't let her come between you in youor marriage.🍀

Hang on, in second marriages they have behaved as fhey should, protected their own assets they brought in, and will pass to their kids. No one should do otherwise, the daughter is not entitled to her father’s second wife’s estate, her children are. She is entitled to the estate of her own parents.

It went from nothing joke between parent and daughter, to you showing that he might need some advice just to keep everything clear for him, just from your language in case. I would be saying the same about a woman with a man acting like this, so I shouldnt be a hypocrite and not say it here.

It can be hard to ring fence the matrimonial home regardless of anything you sign, or even if one person paid 99% from personal wealth from before the marriage. The law considers that money to have become part of the marriage when this happens, and doesn’t allow you to easily sign the partner out of this protection.

If you divorce, the court will start with 50/50 split as the base, then look for reasons they can't do it. If it is a very short marriage, or if he can easily rehouse himself with his own wealth, you have a much higher chance of enforcing any agreements. Long marriages and massively uneven end financial position for him if they allow you to take most of the asset, and there's a decent chance they ignore it and split it 50/50.

But it is complicated obviously, and you shouldn’t be listing every single bit of information on a random forum for anyone to get a better idea.

Check your brakes.... the new fella sounds unhinged! Joking of course. Sorry this has blown up massively. I am pleased though that your husband is mad (but very sad to hear the reason why of course), so many times I hear from parents not to upset their children. Hubby sounds like he has his head screwed on right.

What a mess this daughter is. I kinda hope now she is written out of both sets of parents wills entirely. Greed is nasty nasty stuff.

Vitriol's ok but I think she means undisguised. Load of nonsense though - OP's shown no vitriol, just justifiable indignation towards a woman who sat in her house accepting her hospitality and then announced her intention to take her own home from her.

SD sounds about as vulnerable as a rattlesnake. She needs to work FT, stop running up debts she can't pay and stop being so damn greedy.

OP isn’t getting divorced @nevernotmaybe … the split she is talking about it on death. Which happily is also not imminent, apparently.