DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

are you the stepdaughter?

Nice

So she works part time and you’ve been bailing her out of credit card debt???? No wonder she’s so entitled. I think you need to make it clear to her that no more bail outs will be provided. Expect hysterics.

Idiot

Whilst she sounds entitled, he sounds potentially worse. I don't know how long the "I'm going to be a millionaire" one day boasts have been going. on but his antennae have pricked up and he is getting his ducks in a row.

Let's say the boasting was to impress him - a new relationship.
And let's say he has now decided he'd like a slice
The relationship is new enough that DSD doesn't know all sides of him, new enough that she is still in the honeymoon phase, new enough that he could be love-bombing her at this point, so she is quite vulnerable to manipulation.
The fact that your DH ex wife's spidey senses are on alert suggests this might very well be 80% him being calculating and 20% her being smitten, greedy and gullible.

I think you, your DH and his ex should sit down with her without him - and talk to her like adults. Lay it all out for her. You won't be taking financial advice based on some random new boyfriend. This is the current lay of the financial land. This is what it might look like in the future and she doesn't get a say in it.

I would then gently caution her over her new boyfriend. She might not listen but if she has any teeny tiny red flags waving that she has ignored, it MIGHT resonate. He sounds like a blatant gold-digger and not like he has her interests at heart AT ALL.

This has got to be a wind up 🤣

We need the laugh emoji back

It does seem somewhat sinister that they (DSD and grabby boyfriend) are excited about an inheritance when her dad is still in good health. I expect that they were planning to coerce some sort of equity release, as a previous poster suggested, because you can't plan your financial life around such an uncertain future event as somebody's death.

My Mum comes from a wealthy family but she had me quite young so I never counted on having any money from her. She herself didn't inherit until she was in her late 60s (her mother lived to 95) and she and Dad also didn't base any of their financial planning on a future inheritance but happily lived their lives as though there was no family money in the offing. Living and spending in expectation of future inheritance seems to me like a guarantee of frustration and stress.

Well done, you've won today's "Daftest post on the internet award". Please collect your no-prize ( equivalent in value to the lack of inheritance SD has like just talked herself into)

Right, so it seems that she has made two assumptions, both of which have now turned out to be untrue, which has resulted in her whole little 'I'm one step away from being a millionaire' house of cards collapsing and thus she's furiously and chaotically lashing out. This is made worse by the fact that she appears to have hooked up with someone who might well only be with her because of her lies about future inheritance and who is egging her on.

The assumptions being:

1. By marrying you, seemingly a woman of some means, your DH effectively owns 50% of all your wealth and assets, which greedy, grasping DSD has already ear-marked as hers and mentally spent;
2. That as a result of her DF's marriage to you, he is in the position to be able to provide her and her BF with a house deposit, which she had again, mentally spent.

The reality of the situation must have come as a huge and devastating surprise, one that she can't get her tiny little brain around, hence the legal threats. TBH, it would be laughable if it wasn't such a personal tragedy for your DH, who has just had to face up to the fact that his DD is a self-centred, scheming, entitled little bitch who has been gleefully awaiting her DF's death so she can get her hands on his, sorry YOUR, money.

Thinking further.. if this happened to me, you’re damned right. Hell would freeze over before I’d ever forgive any SD who said this to me and my OH.

Hi Stepdaughter.

Without a will, everything goes to the surviving spouse.

People need to know that this is not entirely true. If the estate is over a certain amount (was £325,000 I think) some goes to surviving children of the deceased. So if one wants all to go the spouse one has to make a will.

Edit: error

Are you the DSD?

DSD was getting an inheritance but not as much as she’d assumed. No one should plan their own life around an assumed inheritance nor a planned one. DSD was rude and disrespectful to OP in her own home and also cruel to her dad (basically wishing the end of his life so she can get some cash/split in the house).

If you think what DSD said was acceptable then you have a problem too.

Entitled step daughter has arrived …

Lol I'm not the step daughter, but the undistinguished vitriol you have for this clearly quite vulnerable young woman drips from the posts. This place can be bananas sometimes - so much misdirected anger masked as support for the poor inherited rich millionaire who has ensured her husbands kids don't get any of her "estate". Poor husband. Poor kid.

Lauraloulou, are you the DSD by any chance??

Apologies if answered @BetLynchsEyes but how old are you and your husband?

What planet are you on where 27 year olds act like teenagers? It's disrespectful to think you are entitled to someone's money especially someone you're not related to. FYI our kids won't be getting an inheritance because we have nothing to leave but they are not entitled arseholes anyway.

Classic MN with so many people jumping in to tell OP that it's a bad idea to comment negatively about what someone says and how they say it.... while doing exactly that!

Zero self-awareness!

Sounds like the boyfriend has been working on his 'investment' by promising her marriage and babies, thinking that he'll be able to get his hands on loads of money. After months (or longer) of him telling her she's entitled, that of course she'll inherit half of both houses, that he now wants to see the property and meet the future in-laws as he's ready to consider moving on to the next stage of their relationship, etc, he's now furious that his projected gains aren't going to happen.

She could genuinely love the boyfriend and be losing it because she realises underneath that this information is likely to result in all those promises being taken back.

I know my ex was convinced of something like that - he was most displeased to realise that there was absolutely fuck all chance of any money coming his way and promptly disappeared to shack up with a woman whose mother had already died and left her the house. And then moved on to the next prospect with a suitably ill and wealthy father once he found out that her teenaged son actually owned half and he couldn't get his hands on it.

The daughter is living in fantasy land like so many others who've had their minds addled by the smoke and mirrors of IG influencer delusion. Yes, her behaviour is extremely hurtful and that is not to be ignored but her parents now need to work together to get to the bottom of her psychological state and finanical situation and help her to get her life, work and savings plan. She's 27, it's not too late but it is urgent.

Oops! Cross posted.. might be the boyfriend instead.

Oh give over you loon!

the undistinguished vitriol you have for this clearly quite vulnerable young woman drips from the posts.

I don't think you know what "vitriol" means! And why it is "undistinguished"?!

What an odd post.