DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

Why did your husband make a joke about the mortgage being paid off?

I'm sorry you're going through this and it sounds as if she is very entitled, and has maybe been banking on getting a large inheritance, has possibly boasted about to friends and partner, and has possibly even overstretched herself financially if she has been factoring it into her future. I know it's horrible now but in a way it's good that it's come to the fore so that it can be discussed and battled out now (not that there's anything to battle), rather than after your DH has gone (hopefully far into the future) and you're left with the fallout that you weren't anticipating. Good luck with it all and congratulations on having found a supportive, understanding and equal relationship.

You both must be so hurt. I am glad the ex was open to talking and sees the red flags too.

I’m so confused as I thought marriage rendered existing wills null and void as everything became shared assets? Happy to be wrong, just what I have been led to believe!

@BetLynchsEyes if there is ANY positive to come from this love, it’s that this information is now out in the open.

can you imagine just how much worse this situation would be if you had lost your H and were having to deal with this while grieving

I feel sorry for your H, he won’t ever feel the same about his Dd again.

Well thank goodness it’s now all out in the open and this bf will disappear if he was just after money!

But this would be the OP's will - she should ensure reasonable provision for him in the same way a divorce would otherwise when she dies he may have a claim on her estate if he is left homeless e.g. for a life interest in the house.

It doesn't give his daughter rights to the OP's money. If he dies first there isn't an argument that his estate should get to take the OP's property because he would have got in on divorce. If he is dead he doesn't need the money to live on.

That’s why you make a new will. No, everything is not a shared asset otherwise it would be impossible for one spouse to steal money from the other.

Without a will, everything goes to the surviving spouse. When you marry and you have kids from beforehand, you make a new will so that doesn’t happen.

there is only a presumption of 50:50 in a Divorce . A second marriage with no children from it where one party has brought in much more than the second would mean that it is more likely a split would be closer to what they have each brought in. Obviously completely situation dependant

Wills on the other hand would need to be rewritten with the new instructions as the surviving partner would simply inherit otherwise.

Presumably the op knew this and made a new will at the same time as she and her dh bought the house. After all, if they fixed the property shares legally, I’ve no doubt she was savvy enough to make a new will.

Exactly, all these posters saying OP should’ve shut up, smiled , ignored it. Like if any of that would’ve changed the actual situation. Imagine then having this confrontation after her husband’s death!

This is what worries me. She's always over spent and we've bailed her out a couple of times in the past with her credit card debt but I'm not doing that again. No way!

She does like living the high life, always on IG taking selfies in expensive hotels or restaurants. I'm not on IG but DH is and he's shown me a few pictures. I'd just assumed the boyfriend was contributing as DSD only works part time.

I've got a horrible feeling this might be the tip of the iceberg.

How ghastly!
I unfortunately know people who would talk (in front of their mother) who would get what after she passes...

She owes you both a fulsome and sincere apology before any bridges can be crossed to get back to any degree of normality

I suppose she could try, @WildLeader, but I don't imagine it would be easy to forget her suggestion that they should divorce and all the rest ... or to avoid thinking that any apology was only being made in the hope of more £££

Unfortunately for everyone that "mean streak" has now come rampaging to the fore, and it's not a stroppy teen who's said these things but a grown woman.
So all anyone else can do is plan accordingly ...

Glad the ex is concerned too and you’ve that backup. She’s obviously built up a fantasy and has a gold digger boyfriend to boot. I’m assuming it’s a big house, and she’s assumed 50/50 split now you’re married so 50% will be hers to inherit. Your DH has made his position clear to her. If they get legal advice they will be told they don’t have a leg to stand on but I doubt you’ve heard the last of this.

One of my aunts was in a similar situation; she had one DD and was married to a man with three very entitled adult offspring for over 10 years.

In the end, he was so disgusted and fed-up at the behaviour of his DC he persuaded my aunt that they should make joint wills initially leaving everything (houses, pensions, shares, etc) to each other, and on the death of the survivor everything would go to her DD. On the advice of their solicitor, he wrote an accompanying letter to his will detailing the reasons why he had disinherited his DC. They're both gone now and his will was never contested, although I think his DC did take legal advice.

Judging by what the OP has described, it seems her DSD could have led the new BF to believe she comes from a wealthy family, that he has pound notes in his eyes and wants her to ensure she gets her full entitlement before taking their relationship any further.

🤣🤣🤣

Do you have compassion for everyone who isn’t getting an inheritance??

Have read all the OPs posts on 1st thread, bloody hell! I’m so sorry you’re going through this what a nightmare & what a delusional grasping SD she is. I’m wondering if she’s now got in her head that although her dad doesn’t own 50% of the property, by getting a divorce he’ll legally be entitled to 50% automatically, so hope she doesn’t try to split you up OP. Set her right about the financial aspect of a divorce!

I suspect you’re right.

looks like the mean streak isn’t a streak, it’s the core of her, she’s masked it with faux nice.

Compassion? Poor girl? She’s been swanning around saying she’ll be a millionaire when her dad died . She went to the step mother from hell to ask for a house deposit.And she will get some inheritance, just not as much as wants , because her dad doesn’t have it!

It does seem somewhat sinister that they (DSD and grabby boyfriend) are excited about an inheritance when her dad is still in good health. I expect that they were planning to coerce some sort of equity release, as a previous poster suggested, because you can't plan your financial life around such an uncertain future event as somebody's death.

My Mum comes from a wealthy family but she had me quite young so I never counted on having any money from her. She herself didn't inherit until she was in her late 60s (her mother lived to 95) and she and Dad also didn't base any of their financial planning on a future inheritance but happily lived their lives as though there was no family money in the offing. Living and spending in expectation of future inheritance seems to me like a guarantee of frustration and stress.

And stupid since nobody knows what anyone has and nobody knows when any of us are going to die!

Clearly not just 20/27 year olds talking rubbish, you’re talking utter rubbish yourself too!

wassa matter? Daddy not minted enough to have half his own home?