DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

She really is thick then. Sounds like her dad had a very normal, middle class life and could pay for uni etc but wasn’t rolling in it. So she knew there wasn’t excess amounts. Then he married a woman whose, in her words, “family is loaded” and she somehow came to the conclusion that her dad would now be getting those millions? Someone really needs to explain to her that the money isn’t his, has never been his and will never be his. He gets to live a lovely life with his wife, and own a share of a lovely house, but his actual net worth has not increased. She needs some
help.

What an absolute ***!

She sounds awful. And even if he owned the house himself, there’s no guarantee they’ll be money left any way. That’s what I say to my ILs, don’t stress about the money now, as if you need additional care in the future, all the money will disappear on care fees anyway!
hopefully DSD will come to her senses and apologise but I have a feeling she won’t…

This is something that I would be saying to DSD too. Inheritance isn’t guaranteed these days. I’ll have nothing from my parents as we have paid everything in care fees and it’s about to run out. At £1250 a week as a minimum, it soon goes.

I’ve had to think about inheritance for DSS. There is no way I want his mother living in my house, and she doesn’t have one of her own, but that’s another story!

Ouch from that latest update. What a nasty entitled little madam she is.

And the boyfriend sounds like a user as well.

Whilst I’d normally try to steer someone away from a guy like this, honestly, in this case, I’d let her FAFO.

Yikes, it just gets worse. She's obviously just assumed her dad now owns half of everything that's yours by marriage and now she's realised he doesn't, she's panicking, because she's built her entire future on getting that money.

I'm guessing you were already considerably wealthy before your marriage and she knows that, if she's talking millions @BetLynchsEyes?

I think your DH needs to explain the % breakdown of the house ownership in writing to her, either by text or email, so there's no ambiguity. If she still persists in a legal fight, then that's on her, but a solicitor will take one look at the deal and tell her she's wasting her time. I know you shouldn't have to, but this is your DH's DD and now is the time to nip it in the bud before their relationship is destroyed forever.

Children can contest wills but it's a protracted and expensive procedure. She could contest her dad's will. But currently the D is the sole beneficiary of her dad's will so there's nothing to contest there unless she's really thick. And step children, especially those who were adults when their parent remarried, have no rights over their stepmum's own assets regardless of their abhorrent sense of entitlement. Maybe if the nasty arsehole has actually behaved in a less rude and dismissive way to her step mum she might have got her greedy fingers on some of her step mum's wealth but there is no obligation on the OP to fund this grasping gimme pig.

So, without wishing to sound too intrusive, is your house/lifestyle such that DSD might be able to convince herself/her boyfriend that there are millions of pounds in the mix? I am assuming she’s not so deranged that she thought your own DC would inherit nothing…

It really does sound like she’s presenting herself in this “heiress” position in order to attract this boyfriend.

Although this seems unbelievable unfortunately some people are like that. DSil heavily hinted to DMil about getting her inheritance early. First DMil may need all of it for care and second who thinks that they are entitled to their parent’s money especially when they are too idle to work for their own.

Double whammy - she's not going to inherit what she thought she would and she's worried she'll lose the inheritance-sniffing partner.

Maybe she needs to start doing the lottery.

When she first made her comment about inheriting half the house, DP told you to back off, it was a joke, you overreacted and embarrassed her. I hope he's apologised.

This feels darker now. Like she’s made herself sound like some future millionaire and he’s seen pound signs

At 27 I'd say that's her choice to make and her consequences to handle, @BetLynchsEyes - though if she thinks the boyfriend will disappear when he finds out it would certainly explain some of her angst

In your place though I'd worry about DH doing an about-turn if she starts crying to him about her life being ruined. After all this is they guy who, until yesterday, insisted she was a "good person at heart" in order to brush off the bit about the mean streak

Jesus H Christ on a bike!

Ok so you knew she wasn’t particularly nice, but your H must be in deep shock! The scales have well and truly fallen!

so his DD has thought to herself that on marriage to you, your H has automatically acquired 50/50 on everything YOU owned. I suppose that’s what happens if you do nothing to divide things up, but logically she KNOWS her mum got the house, so he would not have had much to invest in subsequent property

she thinks she’s entitled to half of everything your marriage entails. She’s convinced herself of this and is now trying to impress a boyfriend who is clearly cut from the same cloth

the fact that she thinks you’ve manoeuvred things to take her half is just weird. She’s convinced herself. She can’t compute that going into a relationship where people have properties and their own kids that a certain amount of ring fencing goes on.

she expects to inherit half of her mother’s house and half of her father’s.

hopefully now her mother can have a word and put her straight. She owes you both a fulsome and sincere apology before any bridges can be crossed to get back to any degree of normality.

meantime, stay out of it all, advise your H to keep away and let her make the next move.

Bloody hell, she needs her head examining. Your poor DH. Their relationship may never recover from this. You must also now be boggling over the future and what will happen when your DH does pass, she might sue you!

So she's a bullshiter, just like her father.

She is boasting about an inheritance and this all kicked off because your husband was boasting about paying off the morgage for a house he overwhelmingly doesn't own.

Why is he gutted?
He started this.

I find it hard to believe that he hasn't planted some seed in her to start this off, as he clearly has form for spectacularly bending the truth and boasting.

This is all down to the OP's husband but she is determined to ignore how this all started.

I think your dh needs to send her a written message either by email letter or text setting out that he is happy with you and the financial situation between the two of you and that he is very upset with her actions and the assumptions that she will inherit a lot one day

he needs to remind her that no inheritance is a given and that in his old age any funds available may just have to be spent on care so she may end up with nothing from him

personally my parting shot would be that she needs to understand that the same situation regarding care could also happen to her mother so again she could end up with minimal inheritance

I think the boyfriend is a scammer / gold digger.
Does he really believe that he has some claim on the assets of the op and her husband, or is it more that he is confident of his ability to con them?

The boyfriend has been asking questions about DH’s house, money and pensions. Her mum's also worried because he's started talking about getting married and having a baby soon when they haven't been together long

Horrific. The ultimate cock lodger. Irrespective, a ‘normal’ person clues into this and says to wannabe cocklodger ‘what’s it to you!’ and bins them off. God, this is all so utterly dysfunctional.

I feel really sad for you all. Well, sorry for you and Dh, but pity that DSD is so naive and messed up that this is her thinking. His comment about his death being her financial plan is just devestating. Good that the adults in this can talk civily and be concerned for her, but jeez.

I would want to be asking all the questions back to her partner now. What does he earn, what is he going to inherit, how will she protect her assets from him? He sounds like trouble and she sounds very immature.

What a mess. I hope you and your DH are finding strength and comfort in each other and don't let this come between you. You are solid (and alive) and the money is happily sorted between you. This now becomes about helping DSD see sense and maintain a relationship with her Dad if at all possible.

Apologise for what? His death not being the financial windfall his daughter hoped it would be?

I am so sorry for what you and DH are going through, OP. It sounds absolutely galling for you, but much worse for him.

A bright spot is that you have a decent relationship with SD’s mum and she shares your worries. She is probably relieved that DH contacted her. Can the three of you come up with a plan for communicating your concerns to DD? Ideally in an actual meeting, in which you may or may not wish to participate. I feel sure the unspeakable BF will tag along unless somehow Mum can convince her DD otherwise.

Well, I hope this greedy couple (stepdaughter and gold-digger boyfriend) do indeed get themselves some legal advice. It will cost them money, and they will be told they don't have a leg to stand on.

I feel a bit sorry for your husband @BetLynchsEyes. For years he's told himself that "she's always had a mean streak but deep down is a good person". Now, he's having to face the fact that deep down, she may not be a good person after all. All this will irrevocably change their relationship.

@Seriously12

are you reading the same thread as me he made some offhand comment about the mortgage being paid off. A mortgage both possibly contributed to although I don’t know how equally but does that actually matter?

the plain fact is the mortgage has been paid off that was the truth

The fact that he only owns a small part of it is irrelevant to the fact his daughter assumes she will automatically get half off a house when in fact that whole inheritance from her father could be required to be spent on care home fees

I don’t think this is the fault of the DH. I don’t think ANYONE could have foreseen that she’d have this much bs in her head.

the financial situation of Mr and Mrs @BetLynchsEyes is nobody’s business but theirs, I’ve been with my OH 10 years and at no point has any of my arrangements with him been the topic of any conversation with any of his kids or mine.

i am pretty positive they assume they will get a huge amount from him, but I don’t think they expect to get everything. There is plenty they don’t know about and won’t know about tbh until after I go. They are more grabby than my DS, way more entitled, but I don’t think they would go as far as this DSD. 2 out of the 3 don’t resent me, as far as I can tell, but I dont trust them fully. The youngest one has a horrendous mother and is expect issues from her, but I’ll take advice to counter that. As I said before, there is plenty to go around. Not that this will stop the grabby grabbing or trying to… nothing surprises me much anymore

Get your ducks lined uP and the divorce sorted before your dad dies!