AIBU to ask what parents on similar incomes give their children at university?

[MagnoliaPetals80]

I am looking for some advice from those who are helping their child financially at university. My DD is about to finish her A'Levels but had planned a gap year to work and save some money for uni. This week she has announced that she wants to go this year and the uni has approved this. She is determined to go whatever we say.

DH and I believed that we would have a year to save some money for her and that she would also have saved some money of her own and we are now trying to understand how it's going to work. She has picked an expensive city in the South East and is bad with money.

Our joint income is £65k or so and it looks to me like that means that she will qualify for the minimum loan amount. But we don't have lots of spare money. I know there are many variables but I'm interested in how much support you give your child (if you are able to support them at all financially). We think we could stretch to £200 a month but it looks like the loan might not even fully cover her rent. What's the norm these days if you are in a comparable situation? As I say, I know there are variables, I'm only asking if you are on a similar income.

Thank you in advance :-)

I would say that if your DD is set on going this year then as everyone has said she will need a job. My advice on that point would be to start looking as early as possible as depending on where they are going there will be a lot of competition. My DD is in York and was lucky enough to find a job in her first term but many couldn’t and still haven’t as in York there are 2 unis and more students than jobs. I would advise your DD to get some work over the summer at home (if possible , but you say she worked last year so this will hopefully be possible) so she has some experience of the type of work she wants to do/is available when applying at Uni.

My daughter went to university in the South West 5 years ago. With one thing and another she won’t graduate until next year now. She hasn’t had to work at all but is very careful with money. Our family income is less than £50k but fortunately we don’t have a mortgage. We give her £200 per month, the most she has ever received from SL is around £7k. She shared a flat and the rent plus bills was just over £1300 pm + bills. She did have some savings from before she went to Uni but has only dipped into them a bit. We only have the 1 child so are happy to help her out if she ever needs us to. Appreciate we are in a very fortunate position and can imagine how difficult it must be for families with financial commitments and other children. I believe that as the cost of Uni is now so expensive alot of young people are going to Uni’s closer to home to avoid accommodation costs, this might be something to consider.

I feel your pain.
Realistically most of that money is rent. Is there a local uni she could commute to and do that course?

Ours started in September. Our combined income is slightly higher than yours but not way out. We are doing this:

1. No longer eating out. We used to go out to eat every few weeks, we aren’t at all now. This saves about £100-£150 month
2. Stretching our food budget. Used to have a budget of £120 per week and shop once a week. I now miss one food shop a month and save the money. I stretch out the shopping and use Olio to top up. This saves £120 a month.
3. we both do some overtime at work (difficult as we have full time jobs but I am able to do a few extra hours). This brings about £100 a month.
4. I do some cash in hand work where I can (ironing, babysitting)- I responds to Facebook requests in my local area. I aim for £100 a month.
5. I save any money I can. I’ve also sold stuff from around the house on Vinted (old clothes, unwanted household items- things that I’d have previously donated to charity).

doing this allows us to send around £500 a month to our child.

Its a grim time but we are making it work, just.

I think she needs to think v carefully about this because she risks not enjoying or getting the most out of her uni experience as she will be under pressure to work (yes, she will need a job).

i know she doesn’t want to, but I would be levelling with her about the tricky financial situation.

We have significantly more income and pay all the accommodation. Halls this year, private next, it's roughly £600 pm. Cheaper South Coast city.

Minimum loan pays living expenses.

I think in your position I would not try to facilitate her choice in particular. Be upfront, tell her you need a year to be able to support her financially as you think she deserves and needs. Offer her an affordable amount only if it's from 2026 or a much more generous if she defers. Remember paying out this year would severely impact on your ability to save fro Y2 & Y3, so starting early would impact on the amount you could pay in Y2 & 3 too.

It's fine for her to have constraints. Help her calculate how many more hours she would need to work in her first year if she goes in 2026, compared with how much she'd need to if she takes a gap year and waits for you to have funds available It's her choice but at the moment it's not a fully informed choice because she doesn't know the financial impact - not just on you but also on her.

Enforced gap years are not the end of the world. It can't be that unusual for second children to either need to take a gap year or choose to live at home because parents can't afford to support 2 living away at uni simultaneously.

Things have changed alot as my parents were on 65k 20 years ago when I was at uni so it would have gone farther and they didn't even think of giving me an allowance! Everyone I knew bar people whose parents were on very high income had a part time job. I went from NE to London and had to have a job all through uni.

Saying that, I'd have loved a little help as it was exhausting at times doing a full time studio based course, working 8 hrs after on Friday night then 12 hrs on a Saturday, one day off a week. Parents are really rooting for their kids and I hope yo do the same for my son in another 16 hrs when he's uni age.

It’s totally fair to ask why parents have a large mortgage and have given no thought to dc going to universities all. They can extend the mortgage term and reduce monthly payments. No one thinks £200 a month from parents is ok because it’s just isn’t. The parents need to look at their finances but thinking students get jobs to pay £6000 a year rent (and that’s an absolute minimum) is pie in the sky. She’s never going to get this in the short time at university. As for saving enough for 3 years by working in a gap year, it’s just not going to happen. The parents knew dd was going to do A levels and must have had some idea about what she would do post 18.

Local universities can be totally the wrong place too! My local one didn’t do either of my DDs subjects! What use is that? I despair of some parents.

Our household income is a bit higher than yours at about 100k (pre tax).
We are old enough to have both had free tertiary eduction and even though Martin Lewis kept telling everyone that student loans were great, neither of us would have wanted that kind of albatross round our necks at the start of our careers. So we have taken responsibility for paying for our children's university education (including the tuition fees) from savings and income and our 2 children didn't take out loans.
BUT
They both had quite well paying jobs from about 14 or 15 so both did have some savings which they have used.
Both had jobs during term time and over the holidays.
They both looked for cheaper options (DS1 actually house sat for someone he knew in his last undergrad year rent free 😲),
Both applied for academic grants.
Both took gap years so earned and saved before uni.
DS2 is now studying abroad for postgrad as the academic fees are less than half of the UK (7,500 Euros they would have been 1,000 euros if we were still in the EU) and he rents a very nice flat by himself in a European capital city for 400 euros a month. Our total outlay for him (his living costs, rent, and academic fees) is about £1100/month, with him paying everything above that.
Funding this has undoubtedly delayed our retirement (probably by about 5 years) but we were lucky enough to have the option to do it, so we have done. Only one more year and we'll be finished with education costs for good.

It was their accommodation that was the killer. Pretty expensive uni locations. But it was worth it as they both have stayed in their fields and have very well paid senior jobs.

To cover rent and living we think dd will need £850 in September each month 😭 but we’ve said we’ll do this first term then it’ll drop to £500 as she will need to have a job (which her uni really helps with so fingers crossed there). We will top up rent each term (be aware you usually have to pay per term rather than month for halls).

another thing to be aware of is that she will need a deposit on accommodation for sept 2027 and that will usually be paid in November 2026 to confirm it - £400-500.

i have 3dc and honestly have no clue how we’ll afford them all at uni (there’s likely to be one cross over year and younger two are twins).

£600pm is really cheap in our experience. Most are £200 per week (except Cardiff which was £150). Unfortunately maintenance loans haven’t increased to cover rent as they were intended. It’s mad.

Pretty much everyone has a part time job now too. I think we are being very generous with ours but she still has to work. I just hope that we give her enough to stop her work impacting on her studies.

I think part of it is generational. My parents had grants, which they have always been super grateful for and wanting to pay forward. My DH's parents didn't go to uni themselves and had no idea of living costs so he ended up very short of cash, and he wants things to be easier than he had it for our children.

I think you need to tell her it's too late to change her mind and you haven't budgeted for her going this year.

Not entirely the same but I was 18 when I left for Uni and funded it entirely on my own. My loan didn't cover my rent so I worked 16-21 hours a week term time and full time in the holidays. I didn't miss out that much on nights out as worked in retail. My grandparents gave me £50 a month from their state pension. She'll need to budget and make sacrifices but unless she's doing medicine / engineering her contact time will be about 12-15 hours a week so all very doable but she'll be working hard!

I was advised they don’t take that into account at all so this interests me (I have 2 younger teens but expecting minimum loan).

With DD we paid her accommodation and she used her maintenance loan for living costs. We paid for her phone and food shopping when we visited her.
with DS we paid him £600 a month to cover his accommodation. He used his maintenance loan for living expenses. We paid for his phone and occasional food shopping
they both worked part time during their degrees
DD worked in McDonald’s, then KFC and finally Starbucks
DS worked in dominos and pizza restaurants.

We’ve paid rent for all our three. Cost us an absolute fortune as two were in London. All have done four years so spent a total of about 70k.

Your post is unnecessarily judgemental. You do not know their financial situation and have made sweeping statements regarding "priorities". It's also worth noting that many middle earners just simply have not had the chance to save thousands of pounds, because we have been in a financial shit show of a country since 2008 - everything has been squeezed. If the OP and her partner are working full time and have other children, and have had financial misfortune which has offset their planning, this cannot always be prepared for. Of course most people would save to prepare for uni costs, if they can, but your 18 year old child moving the goal posts with no notice doesn't allow for as much of a headstart. They are doing the best in the situation they are now in and don't need lectures from people who have no idea on what they have had to prioritize, implying they are a poor parent.

If people have not been able to save money previously though how on earth will they be able to help their DC when they are actually at university? And plenty of people seem to be able to judge students who can't earn enough to pay their rent and eat while doing a full time course.

It is irrelevant in the OP's post, I meant. She can only afford what she actually has spare. It is not irrelevant to the loan calculation. We are on about £100k combined in London, with lots of debts and a huge mortgage. Our disposable income is less than £400 pcm, after all bills, food, kids' clubs/pets etc. Someone on a similar wage might well have thousands to spare.

A lot of your spending is a choice though and the point people are making is that saving for university starting from a few years in advance should be a higher priority over some of the choices.

@Mahalepirose
Just incase you come back....

Has your daughter applied for student finance yet? Get that done - it's quick job - then you'll know exactly what you are dealing with.

What accomodation choices has she made - if she hasn't done it yet, make sure she is going for shared bathrooms. Ensuite is a luxury she can't afford. If she has picked ensuite get on to the uni and downgrade.

Which university? A small number have very high cut-offs for bursaries.

From this month on, put as much as you possibly can get away with into a savings account and see how you manage without it. It'll still be there, but will start a cushion for future months. Continue with this big amount but give DD a fraction of it from sept. E.g. put 400 away but give DD 250.

Does DD current job allow her to come back and work in the holidays? If not, look out for Xmas jobs in supermarkets, dept stores etc.

It isn’t taken into account.