AIBU to ask what parents on similar incomes give their children at university?

[MagnoliaPetals80]

I am looking for some advice from those who are helping their child financially at university. My DD is about to finish her A'Levels but had planned a gap year to work and save some money for uni. This week she has announced that she wants to go this year and the uni has approved this. She is determined to go whatever we say.

DH and I believed that we would have a year to save some money for her and that she would also have saved some money of her own and we are now trying to understand how it's going to work. She has picked an expensive city in the South East and is bad with money.

Our joint income is £65k or so and it looks to me like that means that she will qualify for the minimum loan amount. But we don't have lots of spare money. I know there are many variables but I'm interested in how much support you give your child (if you are able to support them at all financially). We think we could stretch to £200 a month but it looks like the loan might not even fully cover her rent. What's the norm these days if you are in a comparable situation? As I say, I know there are variables, I'm only asking if you are on a similar income.

Thank you in advance :-)

Have you got other kids?
could you increase mortgage term?

i think its pretty crap kids dont all get full loan. They are 18! And only 50% go to uni so you don't know they will or will get in. And so about half of students likely get full loans anyway.

Luckily we’ve hopefully saved enough for uni but… its in the kids names isa so they could just spend it and not go. Or one could decide not to go spend the money or have a house deposit instead. Or they cant find a job but then cant get benefits.

imo we need a special uni account to use possibly pre tax like pensions etc possibly kept in parents name(?) with a high interest rate. Or a student expense offset account etc.
There used to be childrens bonus bonds on ns&i which had good interest rates. The saving rates have hardly been over 4-5% in last 20 years it feels.

Its so expensive that even those getting CB it would cost almost 15 years of CB because about 3x5k of parental top up

She will have to! I'm not happy with her at all. She is lovely but in many ways immature. We tried not to spoil her and to teach her to be responsible. For example, encouraged her to save all her wages last summer and plan for a working gap year. Never let her think she would have it all handed to her on a plate. I'm very upset with her - and I feel like I have failed too.

She can be as adamant as she wants but the bottom line is you can not be forced to pay.

She needs to negotiate properly with you. A gap year to save is an excellent idea, as is getting a job.

She can't just demand your money, especially if it means you going into debt. I think you need to kindly but clearly explain this to her.

Do you have to pay the uni fees too? I heard that is around £10,000 a year or so 😕 or can she get a separate loan for that?

It's a couple of years ago but we made up the difference between the minimum loan they received and what the maximum loan would have been, plus a couple of hundred. The principles we worked on were (a) they shouldn't be disadvantaged because of our income and (b) the maximum loan was just enough to scrape by so topping up to this motivated them to get a few hours work per week to live more comfortably but didn't pressure them to work too many hours to the detriment of studying. Our joint income was a bit more than yours though, but with two of them overlapping for one year it was tough - about £5000+ each.

If you don't have enough to do this next year though, why not sit down with DD and say - if you go next year we can only give you x but if you go the year after we could manage a bit more. The choice then is hers.

@MissJoGrant you are right

@Mayflower282 separate loan

I think I will do as @Lemonandlimetrees suggests and sit down with DD and say - if you go next year we can only give you x but if you go the year after we could manage a bit more. The choice then is hers.

Many thanks to all of you for your advice. It has been extremely helpful.

That's a separate loan that all students get and is not means tested.

You need to make a very firm decision about exactly how much you are prepared to give her and then it’s up to her. I felt a moral obligation to top up to max loan because it’s my fault they don’t get more. Annoyingly, as we have to work more to make it happen, they get less loan - if we stuck to out basic 37.5 they might get slightly above min (but nowhere near max). If you can’t afford to do that then you can’t afford it - unless shes a criminal she can’t get any more out of you. On the bright side, with having younger dc, this may avoid the hideous multiple dc in uni at the same time scenario.

I think you are being harsh on her. She was planning on a gap year but as it’s got closer has realised that’s not want she wants and that’s fine. Helping her in uni is not handing her it on a plate, but if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it. Work out how much you can and then see what work she can do around it.
I also think it was your responsibility to look in to this earlier and have some awareness, you shouldn’t be putting all the blame on her.

My 2 DCs are all grown, married with kids and mortgages. But they were at uni together for one year (2 year age gap) back in the noughties and I gave them £200 each per month and lived on £25 per month to feed me and the dog after bills. My ExH agreed to give them £200 each per month too. To say it was tight was an understatement but I got through it. Even then, both of them had to get part time jobs. They both were in university towns so lots of competition for jobs which meant they had to be very flexible. Newsagents at 5:00am sorting newspapers, cleaning cinemas and offices, working in a truck stop serving fry ups… they certainly saw some different lifestyles and it taught them how to get on with all sorts of characters.

In your budget have you accounted for not having to feed or clothe her anymore and, if she’s anything like my dd2, pay for a million gallons of hot water for showers?

Both mine (one going into 3rd year next year and one into 4th year) got jobs and I give them £100 each a month Sept - May.

DD is 22 now and has always found jobs since turning 16. They’re not amazing jobs and she hates hospitality with a fiery passion now, but getting hired has never been an issue.

She’s done fast food, supermarkets, factories and hotels.

You’re supposed to at least top it up to the maximum loan amount. She gets less because of your income. I admit it’s shit because the thresholds haven’t changed in ages and they don’t take into account people’s outgoings or the cost of living crisis. It stinks, the whole ststem.

even topping it up to the max loan amount won’t be enough for them to live off. Rent is so much now. Food costs have gone up.

it’s all very well saying she has to get a job but what jobs? Seriously. Places are laying people off. Shops such as Primark and places like McDonald’s are going self serve and cutting jobs. The combination of NI increases and technology is not good for the student job market.

we pay DD’s rent. She uses her minimum loan to live off. Plus I give her £30 a week. She doesn’t need that £30 a week imho but I choose to as I want her to have a nice time.

We are on similar combined salary. We have offered to give SD £250 a month for our share. She’s hit the roof, apparently it’s not enough as she needs money for going out and personal spending, she’s also apparently taking a years placement in Australia which we are expected to fund. It’s probably just under 1/2 of DHs disposable income each month. She’s now barely speaking to him, I’m starting to wonder why we are bothering

This is a helpful calculator

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/university-living-costs-calculator/#!England

But based on household income of £65,000 and two more children at home. You are expected by the government to top up the loan to the maximum amount, £4960 based on current figures a year. So £413 a month is the minimum that the government expects you to contribute.

It's a scandal that not everyone can take out the maximum loan.

Parents should be told when children are born that they have to contribute when they go to university. As basically need to start saving from birth.

We give DD £200 a month, but we do help out if she's really struggling, or if it's been a particularly expensive month for her. We also send her the odd Boots voucher so she can top up her toiletries, and when she first left home I gave her a £50 note for absolute emergencies, and she hasn't spent it yet!

DD2 will be heading to uni next year, and we'll do the same for her. It's going to be really tight, but DH and I would rather they had what they need, and were able to have some semblance of a social life.

I think you and your dh need to sit down with her and have this conversation.

My dc all knew before they even applied, that if they chose a University with expensive cost of living, then there would be less cash in their pockets.
Same with accommodation (and I know not all Universities are equal in terms of how accommodation is allocated, and even what is available). Mine knew if they had an en-suite, for example, it meant they had £50 - £60 pw less in their pocket.
They all worked during 6th form and during the holidays and were all ready to work once at University.

If she has blown £2K over the last 10 months, and doesn't have work lined up for after A-levels, and thinks she can just change what was planned in terms of her year out earning and saving, then she needs to have the realities of bills, saving and spending spelled out to her.

We always worked out what size loan the poorest student would get and made up his loan to match that.
No reason why he should be worse off than a student whose parent couldn't afford to contribute anything. It was about £300 a month.

Yes. This is the calculation we used.

A nice time? She’s an adult, why shouldn’t she do a couple of bar shifts to pay for her treats? There’s tons of jobs out there. Most university cities are awash with bars and restaurants.

It was for everything. She got a loan but it wasn’t enough. We didn’t give her a set amount each month. We topped her rent each term then gave money as and when she needed it. It worked out at 5k a year. She tried to get a job numerous times but wasn’t successful.

Our DS is at Surrey uni and obviously accommodation is very expensive there.
He gets the minimum loan that doesn’t even cover his rent ( he’s sharing a house).
We give him £700 a month for rent and day to day expenses, bills, food etc.
We also pay his phone bill and send him money for haircuts, train fares home etc .
He has applied for loads of jobs but has not managed to get one.
He did work all summer closer to home last year.
He finishes soon and it will be a relief!

You can only give what you can afford. Others on a similar income may have a smaller mortgage and no other dependants so if they give say £500 that doesn’t make a difference because you can’t afford to give that amount.

Halls accommodation for first year varies in price massively, be warned though if she’s only just decided to go now the cheaper accommodations may already be fully booked.

I think you need to have a hard and honest conversation with her, draw up some budgets based on different accommodation costs, tell her you can contribute £200 a month, and ask what her plan is to make up the shortfall.

You said she worked last summer, had she been working this academic year? If in a big chain like Tesco she may be able to transfer. But otherwise she needs a plan for if she isn’t able to find a job.