AIBU to ask what parents on similar incomes give their children at university?

[MagnoliaPetals80]

I am looking for some advice from those who are helping their child financially at university. My DD is about to finish her A'Levels but had planned a gap year to work and save some money for uni. This week she has announced that she wants to go this year and the uni has approved this. She is determined to go whatever we say.

DH and I believed that we would have a year to save some money for her and that she would also have saved some money of her own and we are now trying to understand how it's going to work. She has picked an expensive city in the South East and is bad with money.

Our joint income is £65k or so and it looks to me like that means that she will qualify for the minimum loan amount. But we don't have lots of spare money. I know there are many variables but I'm interested in how much support you give your child (if you are able to support them at all financially). We think we could stretch to £200 a month but it looks like the loan might not even fully cover her rent. What's the norm these days if you are in a comparable situation? As I say, I know there are variables, I'm only asking if you are on a similar income.

Thank you in advance :-)

It's not irrelevant because you should take into account that you will need to pay towards university costs and save for that so you are not paying it out of your monthly income.

That’s insane, and was totally unnecessary. I went to uni in the naughties and my parents didn’t give me any money at all! I just had the standard student loan. I had a Saturday job and worked over the summer, and I was fine financially. Back then, my food shop was only about £15 for a week. £400 a month, on top of a student loan, would have been loads of money for student!

Argh! Why are teenagers like this and never listen? You can see it all happening can't you?! My DS made a similar last min decision to go to uni. The thing that many don't consider as well is the 'upfront' payments for accommodation, not just monthly. So on minimum loan, he needed around £1k per term for accommodation upfront before day to day food spending etc. My DD is now making similar mistakes to yours. She's yr 12 so wants to go in 2027, but she's currently earning good money and could save plenty and she's spending everything! But doesn't want to do a year out earning. Grrrr.... But the one thing I would say OP is don't underestimate your day to day spends on your DD that will transfer to uni .e.g. how much do you spend each week on your food when she's at home? How much more does she cost in electric/gas/water? Do you drive her around costing you petrol? You'd be amazed how all of those add up and it's therefore not an 'additional cost'. Maybe start there?

We said we’d top up to max loan, as that’s what’s expected by the government based on our salaries.
Sat down with my son before he accepted an offer, looked at accommodation costs at each uni and what he’d have left to live on each week. He chose his uni partly based on this. He then took a gap year and saved up about £4k so he had a good buffer.
Parents need to be having these conversations long before offers are accepted, and kids need to know that uni isn’t a simple option anymore.

In answer to your actual question OP, we pay £500 per month.

@Sweepyed For the sake of accuracy, 37% of school leavers go to university. That still makes the cost of the state funding them fully impossible. When we did fully fund, far fewer went and there were far fewer universities. DC now expect to go and the loans make that possible.

@Mahalepirose The common position is that you make up the difference between the minimum loan and what the maximum loan is. So around £6,000 pa. £200 a month is a joke and you were not going to save £6,000 in a year if you only have £200 a month spare! That’s ridiculous.

You must have known she was bright enough to go but you have prioritised other things. She really will spend a minimum of £6,000 on accommodation each year. Many students spend a lot more. I think you are being grossly unfair. She’s not going to earn £18,000 net in a gap year is she?! Doing what? Your sums are way out. £6000 is also the lowest you’ll find rents for students in expensive areas. The minimum loan doesn’t cover rents. That ship sailed years ago. You need to top up and you have put your head in the sand and are now blaming her!

The sooner she goes, the sooner she gets a graduate job that should pay more. Students getting jobs now is very challenging. Many student jobs have gone in hospitality for example. You have failed to plan and you really should have worked on your finances much sooner to make savings. Perhaps you now extend your mortgage? Get a cheaper car? Have a cheap holiday? You come across like she’s a burden and a nuisance for wanting to go.

The minimum loan will be nowhere near enough for rent. For our insurance uni, 3 terms in halls with meals is £13,000. Minimum loan is about £5000. So that would mean about £1000 per month (term-time) top up, just to pay hall fees. Cheapest rents are about £7000. But that would be without food shopping, books, bus/travel, clothes, hair cuts, etc etc. Many parents say their child will have to get a part time job, but this isn't always possible. Our firm choice uni doesn't allow them to have paid work outside uni studies, but fortunately only charges rent for the 3 x 8/9 week terns. If you get the minumum loan, I'd say that £200 per month is way too low unless she can fit in a job. Some parents pay the rent and leave the student with the loan to live off. I can't imagine how you would have saved enough in one year. You've already had 18 years!

My mum and dad paid my rent all through uni which was £250 a month in the early noughties. I always had a job and paid for everything else though - literally every week of my life since I turned 15.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner read my updates . We had savings for her but they were wiped out by an emergency. Our car is 20 years old. We don’t go on holiday. We have not prioritised other things. I will look at what we can do around the mortgage. Your post is judgemental, factually incorrect and reflects badly on you

We do this. dS got a job in second year.his accommodation in year one was nearly 9k with no food (uni of Manchester) so the reduced loan would never have covered it.

Haven’t you read further back, that OP has experienced some unfortunate financial setbacks? She is trying to make things work, but it’s not going to be easy, now her DD has changed her mind and wants to go to uni this year.

It sounds like money is very tight generally. Is £65k net or before tax? It sounds quite low- are you both full time? Annual salary based on a 37.5 hr week is around £25k even on minimum wage.

is your mortgage unusually high? Is downsizing an option?

"She is determined to go" so is she coming g up with a plan then and looking for a job, or is it all at your expense?

@OttilieKnackered strange comment considering you don't know their outgoings

We are in Wales so my son gets a combination of grant plus loan. He works while he is at university and also when he is at home. He has a very healthy bank account and budgets wisely. He doesn’t actually need any money from me, which is just as well as I’m a lone parent and his feckless father contributed nothing over the years.

What I give mine works out to about 400 a month. I pay some towards the rent (halls), provide about £60 a month spends and also pay phone bill, etc. It’s just me, but I earn about £70k.

Most uni students have at least one part time job while studying - often more. I had three! She will need a job. On most courses, there is plenty of time to work. For example, a lot of courses will have just one or two lectures or seminars per day. That's 1-3 hours of being busy per day, so of course she can work. She could also defer for a year and take a full time job to save money to fund her time at uni. I don't know anyone whose parents funded them while at uni!

If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it. When I got my Uni offer many years ago I will always remember how upset my mum was because there was just no way my parents could afford to help. I took a gap year, worked throughout and did what I had to do but I certainly never resented my parents for the fact that despite being hard workers and doing everything they could for us they just didn’t have the money to help.

Its a good idea to ask. I did and I have a plan now. Ive got to top up the accomodation. Then Ill give mine 80 a week on a weekly basis but only for 39 weeks. Holidays she will have to work or use her savings. As for new pots and pans, plates etc...ill be visiting charity shops.

Bloody hell, I’d be so disappointed in the entitlement too OP.

She’s determined to go but wants you to bank roll. Well she’s not that determined is she?

I worked 20-25 hours a week at uni, and up to 50 hours in summer holidays when I came home. Yes it was hard but my parents could not help me at all and I was actually determined. I still did well.

My DH and I were on about £80k when DS went to uni, he got a part time job with Sainsbury’s. He worked through his whole course with some help from us.

If she’s only just decided to go this year, she needs to check university accommodation is still available as it gets snapped up really quickly particularly the better ones and yes some are far better than others!

I know it’s upsetting to have your plans to save squashed. But there’s no point being outwardly upset with her, she can make her own choice to go to uni but she’s got to figure out the finances. This is a lesson in growing up.

Shes still a teen and figuring out life for herself, you need to be supportive and excited for her making a big life decision but give her the reality check too. Being upset with her just brings in emotions that aren’t necessary. She’ll respond so much better if you’re supportive and offer practical help like how to do a spreadsheet to work out what she can afford. Being supportive doesn’t mean giving her as much money as you can that then drains you.

You need to sit down and work out what you guys can afford/want to give her, and then she knows where she stands and how much she’s going to have to work to make up the rest. Make it clear you are unable to help her if she gets into debt.

Just try and keep the emotions out of it

Lots of shops give decent packages with all the kitchen supplies you needs 20 years later and I am still using lots of mine so if you can buy new but cheap

She goes now, gets a job, or she goes next year, saves and gets more support (and likely still needs a job but less hours). She makes her decision and lives with it.

She needs to get a job. To be honest no reason why she couldn't have had a part time weekend job whilst she's at school. I had a waitressing job from the age of 16 doing 2 shifts on a weekend, then when I went to uni I worked 25 hours per week over a weekend, Friday night shift, and 2 double shifts Sat & Sun. Then in the summer I worked 3 jobs. Came out with a 1st. Not a bragging post but I get so frustrated with the amount of grads we get interviewing for jobs when they've never bothered to find part time work in their teens, no work ethic, poor time management, lack of social skills, lack of life skills.

similar income and no other depends means our daughter gets minimum loan of around £5k outside of London and accommodation is £7500 so we’ve agreed we will pay rent and she’ll live on the maintenance loan. We’ll also continue to pay for her phone as is on a contract with mine. If she needs any more she has some money in bank from child trust fund (around £6k) so she will have to use that or get a job (if able to).
Seems a bit immature of dd to just be expecting you to bank roll her changed plans,
Ask her to do the research then to sit down and have a grown up discussion around how she thinks it could work and what she’s asking from you xx

This year the min loan is 4,915 and the max 10,544, which leaves a shortfall of 5,629. (Living away from home, outside of London)

I should add, it's manageable to live on the the max loan in cheaper areas eg the cheaper northern cities but it'll be much tighter in more expensive cities.

I have two at uni - we top up to the equivalent of the max loan and after their rent is paid, this leaves them with about £90-100 a week to live on. (This is in the aforementioned cheaper northern cities)

One thing I would say is, don't forget you are paying for things for her now too. Your food bill should go down when she's away for a start and utility bills may decrease a little. Do you pay for her clothes, phone, transport, activities? All of those expenses will go too, so you'll be able to divert that money.