AIBU to ask what parents on similar incomes give their children at university?

[MagnoliaPetals80]

I am looking for some advice from those who are helping their child financially at university. My DD is about to finish her A'Levels but had planned a gap year to work and save some money for uni. This week she has announced that she wants to go this year and the uni has approved this. She is determined to go whatever we say.

DH and I believed that we would have a year to save some money for her and that she would also have saved some money of her own and we are now trying to understand how it's going to work. She has picked an expensive city in the South East and is bad with money.

Our joint income is £65k or so and it looks to me like that means that she will qualify for the minimum loan amount. But we don't have lots of spare money. I know there are many variables but I'm interested in how much support you give your child (if you are able to support them at all financially). We think we could stretch to £200 a month but it looks like the loan might not even fully cover her rent. What's the norm these days if you are in a comparable situation? As I say, I know there are variables, I'm only asking if you are on a similar income.

Thank you in advance :-)

And don’t forget, as well as having no clubs or activities, they shouldn’t have been allowed the joy of having a pet either on the off chance that they wanted to do a degree one day 🙄

And yeah, if I cut out my daughters £5 a week dance class, swimming lessons and Brownie subs, I would have been able to contribute to her older sibling had he wanted to go to uni…lovely way to cause resentment between siblings.

I think lots of people understand they are required to contribute to their 18 yr olds uni costs but their head is still in more it’s help shopping not thousands in rent. My colleagues with young children had no idea and they are educated professionals.
The concept that loan won’t even cover rent blows lots of minds. It’s the high cost of rent and the long contracts. When I was at uni (not Oxbridge) we only paid rent in term time and moved out in hols so only paying 30 ish weeks. It’s usually 40 weeks minimum now even if not there. Private halls are 51 weeks.
I think stat is 37% now live at home and commute. The live at home min loan is pretty generous. Also much easier to work if you are available year round.

The concept that loan won’t even cover rent blows lots of minds. It’s the high cost of rent and the long contracts.

yes I agree @Hellometime A colleague's DC was looking at unis and "they have seen some accommodation they really like" – turned out it was £250 pw. I was a bit whaaaaat. "Oh is that expensive?" said my colleague. "Well it's OK, my DS will have a loan to pay for it" errrr nope they won't; pretty sure your DC will get min loan and 250 x 40 weeks is £10k. They genuinely thought all costs would be covered.

As I said, it is a choice. I didn't say what you should or shouldn't spend your money on. I just said it is a choice. And universities themselves are the same price with regard to tuition fees. And I don't think going to university effects whether you know there is a cost as there didn't used to be a cost for many Things have changed.

I’ve seen posts on a parents forum where parents assumed 3 loans - tuition, maintenance and accommodation. They wouldn’t accept there was no ‘accommodation loan’ as the maintenance loan was less than the uni accommodation cost.
Some yp deliberately choose more expensive en-suite accommodation but some have no choice. My DD’s friend went through clearing and got allocated the £10,000 halls no choice in matter (not catered)
My DD’s uni lectures were 22/9 to 27/3 this year. Yet all accommodation contracts run far longer.

It was over 20years ago that I went to uni, and even then, halls had different costs depending on things like catered or not, en suite or not. I think mine was something like £200 pcm for self-catering halls, 1 bathroom/kitchen to six people. I imagine even that would be 4x the cost now tho...

Perhaps things have changed to allow savings now? Perhaps a year head start on a lump sum plus a low monthly contribution is better than no head start at all? Circumstances can change. The op said they were able to save and that misfortune/an emergency took their savings recently. Therefore they have some capacity to save again in the next 12m

I started saving for mine since they were babies. Sometimes just a tenner a month, although their grandparents have also put in a tenner. I was a single mum when they were little but kept putting that money in even when I couldn't afford clothes for myself. It wasn't huge amounts but it will give them a start hopefully. And ease the blow on me.

I also realised we spend several hundred a month on tutors and hobbies for each child, and actually that any food I buy is at least food they aren't eating here so hopefully the food bill will go down a bit!

It is tough though. I don't mind finding the living costs but I feel really sad at the thought of the tuition fee debt. But I have a child who is very academic and loves learning and I feel he absolutely deserves to get to go

Yeah if you are spending hundreds a month on tutors ( why is that needed if so a academic) and hobbies of course you have money to spare when you don't pay that.

But if you don't have money to pay out these things in the first place you aren't going to suddenly be better off to pay more for them living away

But usually things haven't changed. OP obviously didn't realise that many parents save for university over several years.

Just like you seem unable to accept that there are also many parents who just don't have the budget to "save for University over many years".

@JustGiveMeReason Most people realise they need more money and change jobs or reschedule mortgages or simply put money away over many years. Earning £65,000 as a couple isn’t great but it’s not peanuts either. Planning is what’s needed.

Or, the young adult can take some responsibility themselves, and not fritter away £2K they had already earned.
Maybe choose Universities in the first place that are more affordable. Or, here's an idea, stick with what they had planned, which was taking a year off to earn money and save up.

@JustGiveMeReason £2000 is less than a terms rent nearly everywhere! What do you think is affordable? Have you any idea of costs in 2026?

Did she know her parents didn’t have spare income? Many dc work and then spend the money on a holiday. The op is cross because she hadn’t bothered to do anything. How will DD earn rent in a gap year? For how many years - all three? It’s just ridiculous.

£2000 is less than a terms rent nearly everywhere! What do you think is affordable? Have you any idea of costs in 2026?

Yes. My youngest is still a student.
Also, the OP isn't expecting her to pay all the rent, she will have the minimum loan. This is about how they make up the difference between the min loan and the rent. Which is sadly normal for many (most?) families now accommodation is so much more expensive than it used to be 30 or even 20 years ago.

Did she know her parents didn’t have spare income?

How would I know ?
But the fact it had all been agreed that the £2K she had earned last year was for University and agreed she was going to work during her gap year to earn, suggests she does realise she would need to contribute, yes.

Many dc work and then spend the money on a holiday.
Which is nice for those whose parents are able to fund their dc in full. But equally, there are also "many dc" who work to earn their own money to get them through University. Each family is different. It's not just about income, it is about all sorts of things which affect your budget - including being fair to other dc.

How will DD earn rent in a gap year? For how many years - all three? It’s just ridiculous.

Well, if she is only able to get a minimum wage job, and only worked for 12 months (rather than the 14 months she could between this year's A levels and going to University after a gap year), then she would earn £22,568. as an 18 year old. I don't know if she has skills to be able to earn more than min wage, which obviously she could. Obviously some tax, NI, and pension, and then living expenses to come out of that, but, living at home and not having commercial rent during that gap year would still leave her a really decent chunk of money to help out.

@JustGiveMeReason No. This is about how you make up the difference between the minimum loan and the maximum loan! That’s £6,000. You cannot live as a student by just paying rent!

You are totally unrealistic about her earning capacity. Maybe listen to the Chairman of Next talking about entry level jobs today. They have really really reduced. Someone wanting a year isn’t worth taking on either. Firms won’t do the training knowing someone is gap yah.

Parents really should have thought about this much earlier and expecting dc to earn what amounts to £6,000 a year is going to be very hard if you just get casual work. The op clearly hasn’t had a discussion about money at all and university costs.

The DD must have applied for a hall place and the op didn’t know? She wants to leave home and probably go with her peers.

In addition, the Op says she’s going to save for DD in a year. £200 a month is just scratching the surface and would not have paid any rent so where were great savings coming from!

Lots of parents still don’t realise the levels of contribution expected or high costs of halls/rent. Saving for college from birth isn’t joked about in same way as they do in USA. It does take people by surprise. A nurse and an nhs physio probably don’t see themselves as wealthy high earners but their dc will probably only get min loan in England which won’t even pay for cheapest halls at vast majority of universities. I’ve seen countless threads on here and a parents of uni students facebook group where parents only discover later yr12 or yr13 how much it’s going to cost them.

I don't accept that the majority of people on relatively good incomes have been unable to save a single penny over 18 years for their child's maintenance costs. If they haven't saved it is usually because prioritised spending on other things. And if you have been unable to save anything how on earth do you think a student can fund the entire costs while doing a full time course?

Yes, every government seems to keep a bit quiet about it.

But maybe they weren’t on good incomes the whole time? People have to train or work thier way up.

Dh earns 50k now, but he didn’t always. Things used to be tight. We lived in London and even through we both worked then, we still had to have top up housing benefit as rents were so high.

We couldn’t save much at all and what we did scrape together for emergencies went on a medical emergency (and say you’ve saved a penny when you claim any type of benefit and you get slaughtered). Things have been different in the last 5 years, especially as we were able to leave for a much cheaper part of the country, but people’s lives change.

And ds knew he probably couldn’t support himself fully if he went to university at 18 - so he didn’t go. He chose another route. You seem to be stuck in this works where university is a certainty and the only way.

(And no, we weren’t going to delay having a family on the off chance that one of them wanted to go to uni one day. You can’t live your life like that, and yes, there were job reasons and caring responsibilities as to why we couldn’t just couldn’t up and leave London before we did).

I am not stuck on one route. I am "stuck" on people having the choice to go to university if they want to. I appreciate there may be circumstances where it is not possible but on these threads nobody ever say "we weren't expecting to gave to contribute because of our low income but a sudden increase means we now do". And the posters that were unable to save a penny are usually the ones who expect their DC to earn enough to practically fully support themselves while doing a full time course.

@Woodywasatwatt If you listen to any commentary at the moment, the apprentice route is very very challenging. If you live in the countryside it’s very difficult. Vast numbers apply and many dc never hear anything back. It’s extra ordinarily difficult to get a decent apprenticeship and often they use low tariff universities.

My annoyance with the op is suggesting they could save for university whilst dd was doing the gap year. She’s offering £200 a month as spare income to support dd. The money dd earned is one terms worth of rent! The parents might not have saved but have admitted to a large mortgage. That was their choice and they have not prioritised education. Where is the money coming from that Op was going to save? It’s not very clear is it. She needs to take action immediately on expenditure.

I know not everyone can. My son did the police degree apprenticeship. He didn’t want to be a police officer, but what he wanted to go on to do, he needed a degree for (a position in the armed forces). So he did what he had to do for a few years, got the degree and the experience in the police.

Many of the people he met doing it moved to do it and rented rooms as the apprenticeship paid well for them to do it.

Hardly anyone in his cohort stayed in the police (the police really don’t care). Sometimes it really is just a means to an end - same with his post 16 studies, he did the easiest btec he could just to get enough ucas points for the degree apprenticeship rather than slogging away for A levels just to get to the same end point.

I know not everyone can do that; but there’s often an easier way around things.

As for the OP, her daughter can’t do what she wants to do then, she’ll have to think of something else.

Really nice to know that we are training police officers who are just working the system to get a degree.🤔

@Woodywasatwatt Well that just confirms the police are idiots! All
that money spent and they don’t keep the recruits? No contract to stay in the job then? That was always part of the deal in my day. Employer trains, trainee stays for x number of years. What a strange thing that they all leave!

These apprenticeships are truly hard to get in many sectors. Loads of them are poor too. It’s a huge problem. University is much easier to access.

The op can look at her spending. How was she intending to save? She needs to rejig the loan and look carefully at expenditure. Maybe this is an unintended cull on uni numbers! Parents won’t pay or cannot pay so young person becomes a NEET. That’s a triumph for everyone!