AIBU to ask what parents on similar incomes give their children at university?

[MagnoliaPetals80]

I am looking for some advice from those who are helping their child financially at university. My DD is about to finish her A'Levels but had planned a gap year to work and save some money for uni. This week she has announced that she wants to go this year and the uni has approved this. She is determined to go whatever we say.

DH and I believed that we would have a year to save some money for her and that she would also have saved some money of her own and we are now trying to understand how it's going to work. She has picked an expensive city in the South East and is bad with money.

Our joint income is £65k or so and it looks to me like that means that she will qualify for the minimum loan amount. But we don't have lots of spare money. I know there are many variables but I'm interested in how much support you give your child (if you are able to support them at all financially). We think we could stretch to £200 a month but it looks like the loan might not even fully cover her rent. What's the norm these days if you are in a comparable situation? As I say, I know there are variables, I'm only asking if you are on a similar income.

Thank you in advance :-)

How do you know what of my spending is choice, and what is necessary? My extended family is in London and have high care need, so I have to live here (and my job would pay much less elsewhere), large debts were accrued due to a family emergency, and all other spending is necessary (food, bills, transport, basic activities for the children) — so no it is not possible to save much/anything for university at the moment. Not every family with a seemingly high salary is in the same position.

yes, that's true. But as I have said, if we are talking about two parents working FT, as in the OP's house, and mine fwiw, and the HH income is 65k, then that roughly means 2 x 33k salaries (or one x 38 and one x 27) which is not a high salary. That's all.

My ds did a degree apprenticeship, thank god, so it didn’t cost anything, but I’ve just had a look at what our contribution would have been (spoiler: there would have been no contribution from us).

It comes out at £200 a month 😂😂😂

Man, I’d love to have that knocking about. Not a chance, unless my younger children went without. We’d have to seriously cut back on an already tight budget to have £200 a month spare.

I know people say that you save money when they move out - ds has worked abroad for a few months at a time. Our household bills and budget didn’t go down, we certainly didn’t save £200 a month by him not being here.

I wouldn’t have wanted my parents to sacrifice things for me to go to uni and live in a “grim” way.

I had a job. I didn’t want to get into massive student loan debt and the thought of my father (widower) contributing anything to me, for a choice I made, never crossed my mind.

I haven't said what is or isn't a choice but for a start surely kids clubs and pets are a choice rather than necessity.

So younger children in the family have to forgo clubs and actives so you can give money to an older sibling?

If you start saving early than the money saved from reducing younger kids activities a bit will used for their future education.

Good for you but your situation is completely irrelevant to OP's question so why are you chirping in?

Parents have to look at what they can afford at a very early stage and explain that to their DC so they are aware of that
No point letting them apply for courses in expensive cities if you cannot or will not support that
Our DC all wanted to go away from home and we agreed to support that which we have and still are doing
I went back full time and we both delayed our retirement to fund it
In Scotland so no fees so we pay their rent and spending money so they don’t have loans
I do think parents should try to make up to the maximum loan amount as the system is set up on that basis

If only life was that easy or simple, eh? All our savings were obliterated due to a period of horrendous ill health.

And honestly, going to Uni is also a choice. There are other routes. If kids really want to do it, they need to take responsibility.

My son did a degree apprenticeship as he didn’t want any debt and wanted to earn. He now works in a totally different feild - he did it just to get a degree.

As an aside, a huge amount of his friends who went to uni now have debts and can’t find jobs at all.

I’ve just checked the confirmation of DD’s maintenance loan and it’s the minimum so, as I previously thought, it’s not part of it. Useful to flag that mn is full of misinformation.

I went to uni circa 2008 in an expensive city. My parents combined income at that time was circa 40/50k… I got a student loan which barely covered my rent and then I worked in a supermarket over the weekends. They didn’t give me any money 🤣 they occasionally paid for an online grocery shop maybe once every 6 weeks. Then when I was home during Christmas, Easter and summer I worked lots in the supermarket. They couldn’t afford any more tho lots of my peers were bankrolled by parents. I managed and now I’m so good with my money and budget.

should note I’m in Scotland so no tuition fees but still had to pay back my student loan which was used for rent.

It's funny how the money people saved for their children always seems to have been obliterated by some circumstance and the same people always think it is so easy for their children to earn enough money to fund themselves while doing a full time degree. Degree apprenticeships are great but no where near enough available.

It wasn’t saved for my children. who said it was?

It was savings. Savings get used on emergencies.

I almost died, couldn’t work and needed surgery to walk again that I had to pay for as the NHS didn’t deem I needed it and told me to live with a wheelchair. I wasn’t going to say, “oh no, one day a child of mine might want to go to university! I’d better save it for that!”

Going to university is a choice. If someone wants to do that, and their parents aren’t earning enough to help them then they need to take responsibility. I went to uni at 20, after Woking for two years and saving. Then I worked all through my course too. I chose a university close to home.

i very much agree that the loan has not gone up so that it covers housing costs, and this is a big issue.

However if you look, there are unis with lower cost accomm, both halls and private. Leicester has halls at less than £100pw (and private accomm is cheaper too) Loughborough has halls at around £5k pw, plenty of other unis have options around £150 - Sheffield, Leeds, Newcastle, from memory and based on a recent search.

It may well be a matter of shopping around. Not ideal tho I agree as it will be a compromise.

Ah, dd wanted to remain within 3 hours of home so we didn’t get that far north. I did try to encourage her but the perfect course was at Reading or Exeter. Makes sense north would be cheaper.

Dads struggling to pay child support for 10 years+ -- sorry, it's the legal minimum, you ought to be paying more, kids are expensive, full force of the law if you don't.

Parents having to pay 3 years for students ... well that's another story, it seems, you should only pay if you can afford it, and shouldn't the kids be working, and you don't have to fill the gap, and kids should be more grateful.

It’s two wholly different scenarios. They are officially adults at university age and it’s a choice to go. For many it looks increasingly less of a good choice tbh with graduate job prospects so poor and all the debt. DDs boyfriend has a degree apprenticeship and I feel as though he’s making a better choice than her

If parents can’t afford the top up then maybe the adult child doesn’t have the choice to go to uni or they have to choose a cheaper place/ live at home/ forgo the en-suite bathroom/ work to pay their own way. They have those options whereas a dependent minor child doesn’t

It's a choice that can make a big difference to someone's life though and that is why many people prioritize it over other things and save for their children to do a degree. It just seems quite ironic that the people that say it is very difficult to save any money over 18 years are the same people who think it so easy for an 18 year old to save the same amount in three years while doing a full time degree. I get that sometimes things in life happen but the vast amount of time it is just lack of planning by the parent.

I don’t get the comparison.

You pay maintenance for a child.

When they go to university, they are 18 and an adult, making their own choice to go. So no, parents shouldn’t be scrimping and saving, making their own lives miserable and cutting opportunities for younger children in the family to facilitate that choice.

There are some things in life you can’t plan for. I’ve learned that the hard way.

And some of us have learned that a degree doesn’t always mean you have a better life.

Also, you can help them plan their options for their future. I did with my son. University at 18 isn’t the only way.

They are unfortunately not treated as adults by the student loan system though and that is not their fault.

So they don’t get to go to university at 18 then if their parents are unable or unwilling to help them. Life isn’t fair.

It’s not the only way to succeed in life.

He was lucky to get an apprenticeship tbh. And there are many professions that require a degree so if a child can't do one their career choices are much more limited.