AIBU to ask what parents on similar incomes give their children at university?

[MagnoliaPetals80]

I am looking for some advice from those who are helping their child financially at university. My DD is about to finish her A'Levels but had planned a gap year to work and save some money for uni. This week she has announced that she wants to go this year and the uni has approved this. She is determined to go whatever we say.

DH and I believed that we would have a year to save some money for her and that she would also have saved some money of her own and we are now trying to understand how it's going to work. She has picked an expensive city in the South East and is bad with money.

Our joint income is £65k or so and it looks to me like that means that she will qualify for the minimum loan amount. But we don't have lots of spare money. I know there are many variables but I'm interested in how much support you give your child (if you are able to support them at all financially). We think we could stretch to £200 a month but it looks like the loan might not even fully cover her rent. What's the norm these days if you are in a comparable situation? As I say, I know there are variables, I'm only asking if you are on a similar income.

Thank you in advance :-)

Don’t forget there’ll be a bit off an offset with her gone from home, less food and toiletries, less showers and washing, less lifts, no gym or cricket/football club fees, etc. These are only small things but I found they’re significant saving.

My DS wasn’t able to find work in the 1st year, very few of his mates did either. If your DD is good at a particular subject, may be she can do some tutoring online? Advertise on local FB pages.

Different situation here as I have returned to full time work, was SAHM, to pay all DC uni fees. (I’m 18 months in and absolutely exhausted, just another 3 years to go.)

‘Picked’

This may have to be revised if it is going to plunge you into a situation that’s not viable for three years

Sorry of that sounds harsh but this conversation should have happened before to consider if something can be afforded

I can pick may things but can’t always afford them

The thread is literally about other people’s views on how much they can/should give.

At the point I commented OP had not said anything else about her outgoings.

‘Outgoings’ is also a broad term. While we are paying nursery fees on modest incomes we don’t really have holidays, days out, manage with one car, eat modestly, buy second hand clothes. Many people may consider these impossible compromises to make.

My daughters been told that if she goes uni like she wants to then she will have to finance herself. I have toos
her she will have to stay at home and go and they will be my contribution providing her accommodation. I’m a widowed mum of two 47 and as she’s my youngest best I now have to start saving for my older age.

Doesn't mean in a 65k house it's equal earners. On could be on 50k and one pt on 15k..

Those saying “they will just have to get a job” may find they are in for a shock. It’s really hard for students to get a job in most university towns. Universities are much much bigger than they were when the parents of today’s teenagers were at uni. The jobs are like gold dust.

If she isn’t responsible with money then she’ll need to live at home and go to a local uni if she wants to go to uni.

Other option - will the loan cover the cheapest accommodation? You could then buy the weekly food shop and send it to her accommodation. She’ll need a job for other stuff she wants.

Yeah, you sound like my parents. You do understand the government takes money away from the max loan based on parents' incomes? Your kids have no control over that. You are supposed to be contributing. My parents wouldn't, because they had chosen to have a lot more kids, so they just let me struggle and I couldn't even come home in holidays unless I wanted to share a room with my three little sisters. You may not like it, but your income defines what your kids get, so unless you actually cannot afford it by the government's lights as well as your own opinion you are depriving them. I was a very academic kid but the number of hours I had to work during uni hurt my grades and my mental health; it wasn't easy to find work either.

Don’t forget there’ll be a bit off an offset with her gone from home, less food and toiletries, less showers and washing, less lifts, no gym or cricket/football club fees, etc. These are only small things but I found they’re significant saving.

This is a good point made by @CrikeyMajikey and another PP I think. It's not masses, but DD used to have music lessons, Guides, dance class, band, DS did a number of sports plus there was the petrol saved. And the food esp in DS's case! It is a factor which may see you with a bit more spare cash. DD's dance lesson plus music lesson alone came to about £22 a week – and I gave her a £25pw food top-up (this is a few years ago when food was cheaper).

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loan-parental-contribution-tool/

The minimum expectation is 5,000 per year to top up the loan to the maximum. We are planning on paying the rent for her and her living off the loan

Has she done her loan application online? The deadline has passed for guaranteeing it’s there at the start of term.

Because you have other dependent children that should go in her favour and she may get more than you think.

Why do they have to be term time jobs? Any reason the students can't also work in the holidays?

Either way she needs to work. This is our expectation also. There are no free lunches.

We both worked throughout medical school including when on placement. Where we are has no loan for living expenses. We noticed a very stark difference between those who’d worked and those who hadn’t. We want to give some cash for treats, because what we missed out on was largely socialising, and we’d like their lives to be a bit easier. But we expect a commitment to supporting themselves. This will involve some of the types of work we did - retail, care work, cleaning, food service. Friends with children a little older have managed to get jobs in these areas without difficulty.

I’m still cringing at the PP who refers to ‘our’ choice with regard to an ‘insurance uni’. I sincerely hope they mean their child’s choice, and that they aren’t encouraging silly arrogance about their university offers.

I wouldn't do this.
You just tell her what you can afford if she goes now and she has to top up the rest. If she still wants to proceed, you give her what you told her would and no more.

we encouraged dd to go to university in a city, and not for example Falmouth, where jobs would be available.

Minimum loan here covered half the rent in y1 halls (ensuite, with some meals. So I paid the rent and they lived off the loan. Y2 has been harder, they are always starving! Training them to eat cheap is helpful, if you can (no thanks to the high-protein trend)

@Mahalepiroseto be fair you have had 18 years to save and not just one?
I know not helpful but it’s true. I wonder if you are better with money than your DD?
We started saving before planning the kids …..
At this stage, you need to sit down with her and work out how it will wok financially with what you can contribute. The government believes you should be able to make it up to the value of the full student loan.

DD has luckily chosen one of the cheapest universities for accommodation (£100 per week) so we plan to cover that. DH works part time in a supermarket, so we’ll give her access for a weekly shop through his account (staff discount!)
She realises she’s very lucky, but still wants to find a job. Most of her friends plan to stay at home for uni, but that wasn’t an option for her course.

We have two at uni currently and it's costing £1000 a month..essentially we pay their rent and they live on the minimum loan, plus whatever they earn (DS can't work in term time).

Similar situation, daughter 350 miles away in v expensive town.
She gets about £1700 loan x 3, whichb
she sends to us. We them pay £600 pcm rent and £85 pw to her. It doesn't cover costs clearly but it cushions the blow three times a year!

We earn similar to you and gave both dd £200 a m th . They both worked part time as well.

I think you are being harsh on her. She was planning on a gap year but as it’s got closer has realised that’s not want she wants and that’s fine

I swear I inhabit a different parenting planet to some on this forum.

I'd be sitting DD down and saying, you can't afford to go this year so we're carrying on with Plan A. You work and save for a year. We'll save too and, if you've got £x in your account next summer, we'll act as guarantors for your accommodation. You're going nowhere without our signatures.

And that would be that.

Op is right to be annoyed about her daughter blowing 2k. I think the comments about people not preparing is unfair. It’s just not always that easy for everyone.

From a budgeting sense my daughter budgets £100 a week for uni.

We paid her halls and her annnual bus pass and she lived off her own money that she saved from a part time job she had from 16. No maintenance loan. We could have given her the £100 a week as we only have one other child and no mortgage. But that teaches her nothing. She has had a fabulous fun year but she has a fire in her belly to get back to work this summer and replenish her money. Starts work the day after she comes home from uni.

We send £100pw to DD, who goes to uni in an expensive city. She gets the minimum loan which doesn't cover all her rent.
Our joint income from our main jobs is similar to yours, but I took on a little pt work to help cover uni expenses. It's just at the weekend and one evening, and I enjoy it as it's quite sociable (and it gets me out of the house now the dcs don't need me as much). An option for you, perhaps?
DD works in holidays but not term-time, I'm happier if she doesn't work during term as the course is quite intense and it would affect her marks.

We're fortunate to have a 4 year gap between dcs, so although DD is on a 4 year course, they won't overlap.