Nine year old daughter joined a model agency but doesn’t want to do the self tapes. Should we quit?

[Actorrrring]

My daughter is nine and she loves going to drama school. She is a very striking looking child and was approached to be part of a proper, reputable modelling agency. DH and I discussed it in detail as at first we really didn’t want to, but she said she really wanted to do it and loves drama. And we spoke to the drama teachers who said they make these shoots fun for kids and it’s money to put away for when she grows up.

Anyway she has been given a lot of self tape requests but no jobs yet. My problem is, she has started hating doing the self tapes. At first, she was doing them enthusiastically and that started to dwindle (this all started in January).

She has a request that has to be in for tomorrow and has refused to do it.

I don’t know what to do. The agency is quite strict - if you miss two or three (I can’t remember something like that) then they basically kick you off their books. (The agency paid for her headshots, we haven’t spent any money here as I know the ones you pay for are scammy.)

Anyway, part of me thinks she needs to fulfil her obligation and part of me knows she’s a child and we shouldn’t make her WORK.

But she loves showing off about how she’s a model and an actress (something that makes me inwardly big time cringe), but doesn’t love doing the work to get the jobs.

I don’t know what is the right thing anymore but I am so irritated that she’s refusing.

She also has suspected ADHD and demand avoidance. I think I feel a bit triggered because I worry about her life in general. She doesn’t want to do anything she’s asked - even if it’s a good thing! She’d spend her days watching tv if it were up to her (which it isn’t!).

Shall I stop this whole modelling thing? Or should she fulfil this commitment? I don’t know!!

Well what I used to find when I worked with other models on shoots, is that many of them also dabbled in the acting, presenting and performing industries too. Like I said earlier, there is an overlap between acting and modelling anyway where actors can be considered for photo shoots and models can be considered for small acting roles such as TV commercials. The more skills you have ie. Acting, presenting, dancing, theatre etc the more likely you are to be accepted onto the books of a commercial modelling agency due to the huge overlap and different skills required for some jobs. People think it’s all about shooting clothes in studios when a lot of the time it isn’t.

Many child agencies now do both talent (acting) and modelling. Some will do only one or the other it it is not uncommon for both. There has been a massive increase in agencies and consequently numbers of children represented.

@Actorrrring it's very difficult with demand avoidant children isn't it.🤗

I'm recognising bits of ND in myself as it's more talked about now.

But also I think children have feelings they either can't or don't want to explain. I was a child who was always doing gymnastics or on wheels of some kind or my trampoline. I loved gymnastics!! BUT I remember always finding excuses not to go on a Tuesday night, but didn't want to stop going either.... even now I'm not entirely sure why I didn't want to go as I really enjoyed it once I was there, it was no effort to go because my Dad took me (very willingly) in the car etc

It's rubbish she's done a lot of tapes, but hasn't been selected. I presume you've explained to her the million reasons why that can be? That it's not personal. It's not because she's not pretty, or whatever. Advert casting is so much about the fit of all the casting. Maybe explain it like with cats & dogs. They may have thought they'd like a mix in an advert, but then seen 6 dogs they wanted to use as they were all 'goldens' & even though there was one beautiful cat they loved, they decided they only wanted to use dogs & so the cat wasn't selected.

It's a shame as she probably would live doing the adverts, she just needs 'a win' with casting to feel better about doingbggd self tapes. I hope she gets that before she gives up.

Could you tell the Agency she's finding the tapes difficult now because she feels they'll never choose her? Just talk to them. They won't choose her if she's not a good fit, but they might stop sending requests for so many tapes when they're not terribly sure what they want or if she's a great fit.

I have a dd who was like your dd, wants to do something but didn’t want to put any effort in then wants to try something else. On the upside my dd now proficiently plays 6 instruments (to amateur orchestra level, 2 to semi pro) but so frustrating as a parent when they beg to do x and within months want to do y. My dd is autistic and would dig her heels in. She’s an adult now and mostly copes fine, want to give hope to parents out there! But it’s a rocky road until that point, pick your battles, I suggest you need to simply do fine, if you don’t want to do it, we stop, but that’s it, no going back

Some do this yes, some are modelling only and some acting only. Lots though sign your child saying you can't specify one or the other and that you're put forward for both. My DD last week had several submissions for modelling but also a number of adverts and one movie.

Performing Arts can be a great career for ADHD people. I worked in the industry for 9yrs with (undiagnosed at the time) ADHD and looking back with the knowledge I have now, I suspect we'll over half over everyone I worked with also were! (I don't particularly have RSD though)
My eldest (9) is also awaiting diagnosis. I talk very openly about ADHD with him, pros and cons and generally give him "all" the information so he can decide for himself.(All, may often be subtly weighted the way I want him to go of course)
I would lay it out in matter of fact terms...
That you didn't really want her to do it, but she was excited about it so you agreed, that if she refuses too many tapes, the agency won't represent her any more and she won't be able to change her mind then as the choice will be gone. Then let her know she can carry on the classes either way and leave her too it. Ask once if she wants to do the next tape when it comes in, maybe once more when the deadline is close and just say ok if she refuses.
If she has PDA tendencies, the more you push, the more she will dig her heels in.

It's tough and I totally feel your battle!

My guess is the transition.
Transitions are hard for ND folk, the switch from being at home and relaxed, to getting ready, to participating in an activity can feel like a mountain sometimes, despite the fact you enjoy whatever the activity is.
This is a particular struggle for my son, hard to find the perfect balance between firm on commitments and understanding.

Your daughter sounds like an entitled brat tbh OP. I think you ought to start explaining to her the consequences of wasting everyone's time and money. In this case you will no longer be providing help or money for the things she wants to do since she consistently drops them on a whim. She will have to show some progress in her "demand avoidance" aka being a brat, before she's earnt your trust. It's not a joke, what she's doing. This has the potential to seriously mess her life up unless you start helping her.