Nine year old daughter joined a model agency but doesn’t want to do the self tapes. Should we quit?

[Actorrrring]

My daughter is nine and she loves going to drama school. She is a very striking looking child and was approached to be part of a proper, reputable modelling agency. DH and I discussed it in detail as at first we really didn’t want to, but she said she really wanted to do it and loves drama. And we spoke to the drama teachers who said they make these shoots fun for kids and it’s money to put away for when she grows up.

Anyway she has been given a lot of self tape requests but no jobs yet. My problem is, she has started hating doing the self tapes. At first, she was doing them enthusiastically and that started to dwindle (this all started in January).

She has a request that has to be in for tomorrow and has refused to do it.

I don’t know what to do. The agency is quite strict - if you miss two or three (I can’t remember something like that) then they basically kick you off their books. (The agency paid for her headshots, we haven’t spent any money here as I know the ones you pay for are scammy.)

Anyway, part of me thinks she needs to fulfil her obligation and part of me knows she’s a child and we shouldn’t make her WORK.

But she loves showing off about how she’s a model and an actress (something that makes me inwardly big time cringe), but doesn’t love doing the work to get the jobs.

I don’t know what is the right thing anymore but I am so irritated that she’s refusing.

She also has suspected ADHD and demand avoidance. I think I feel a bit triggered because I worry about her life in general. She doesn’t want to do anything she’s asked - even if it’s a good thing! She’d spend her days watching tv if it were up to her (which it isn’t!).

Shall I stop this whole modelling thing? Or should she fulfil this commitment? I don’t know!!

It’s one thing enjoying drama as a pass time and quite another doing something as a job. She’s telling you she doesn’t want to do the work - which is fair enough, she’s only 9. To make a living in drama or modelling takes a phenomenal amount of work, much of it not leading to a paid job. I’d let her drop it for now, if she’s truly talented other opportunities will come up for her possibly at an age where she’s able to commit the time and effort needed.

In terms of dropping a responsibility, at 9 responsibilities should amount to doing homework or piano practice, not doing something unpaid in the hopes of paid work.

My kids were signed up and did self tapes. They embraced it all though, and got a bit of extra work etc. one does some indie stuff and one ditched it for art. I think they either are up for the whole gig of audition, lines, rehearsal etc etc or they aren’t , you can’t really force it.

Which is it - a modelling agency, or a child acting agency?

If she has a tendency to be a bit demand avoidant, how's that going to work when a bunch of strangers are telling her what they want her to do?

What are self tapes?

I agree it doesn't sound like she would enjoy the modelling much. All that patience, hard work and dealing with rejection must only suit kids with particular sentiments.

Just an idea, would it be a good idea to talk about it with her looking at pros and cons? Good things and bad things about doing the modelling, in two columns.

Naming things, like having to make a lot of tapes even when she doesn't feel like it, or having to work hard at modelling jobs instead of relaxing at home on days off school, might make it easier to talk about.

Then make the decision not to continue it a positive one - she's decided it doesn't work for her right now. Maybe she could pursue it again when she is older if she wants to.

Hi you should post this question on a Facebook group for parents of child actors as you'll get people there who understand what you're talking about.

My daughter is with agencies which do both modelling and acting. She will do the self tapes only because I make them fun and she wants to do it. If your child doesn't want to do the self tape I'm afraid it's a really tough industry, they have to love doing it to succeed and so it's probably not for them. Rejections are plentiful so to get 1 booking most likely means doing many tapes.

At your child's age (and mine) the number 1 reason for doing it HAS to be enjoyment as they are just children. If they hate any part of it you need to stop. We are very realistic that my daughter isn't going to be doing this long term and it's just a bit of fun that she enjoys for now. She has other interests and as other posters have said as they get older the impact on mental health from rejections will increase. My daughter currently has no idea how many submissions we do and how many she gets/gets rejected for .

Many kids agencies do both modelling and acting

Given your dds temperament, this seems like a really bad move for her and you. I’m a little surprised you didn’t stop to think about all the times you’d had to force her to go to things or had arguments about it, even when she’d said in advance she wanted to do stuff, and then didn’t conclude that signing her up for modelling or professional acting would be a terrible idea.

Given your dds attitude to changing her mind about doing stuff and being stubborn not to do things, you were always setting her up to fail.

Let her not do the self tape. Contact the agency and say you don’t think she’s old enough to cope with this and so would like to leave this for a couple of years.

Find her hobbies and activities where other people won’t be relying on her to turn up.

My 17 yo has a fair amount of demand avoidance. It gets more difficult as they get older I’m afraid. My dd wants to do some modelling, this would be lifestyle etc due to height. I don’t think she’s suited to it but have told her at nearly 18, she can do the research and get herself to the agencies any castings etc.

What you’re describing dd wouldn’t cope with at all.

You know your child and it seems as though she isn’t going to enjoy it atm. Personally I would pick my battles and choose to encourage her to do stuff, which will enhance her and build her as a person, rather than focusing on the outside package, which is what modelling does. Acting, of course to a certain extent is different.

I have a demand avoidant adhd boy so I would say give her a time frame and say this was your idea and for this long we are going to do the tapes. I have found this sometimes with training that he needs getting out the door or even with games if there’s an injury but he loves his sport, a lot of his identity is tied up in being good at sport, he’s never regretted playing or training ever once he’s got there, so I’m helping him feel proud of himself and like he can do hard things.

You record yourself (video) name, agency and then a chunk of a script you’ve been sent. Sometimes a monologue or sometimes someone feeds you the lines if it’s a two part section etc. Occasionally mine got asked to just talk about a subject for a bit but that was very rare.

It’s a job
And a demanding one
i wouldnt wish it on a 9 year old
If she doesn’t want to do the tape just say she won’t get any work, but that’s fine with you
Go and do something fun at the weekend

The best thing you can do is listen to your DD and let this go @Actorrrring.

The adult life of work isn’t her thing and that's fine because she's a 9yo child. Let her enjoy doing stuff for fun. Not for money, fame or casting agents.

I think you should be thanking your lucky stars that she doesn't want to do it.

She hasn't really made a committment, it's not letting a sports team down, or jacking in a new hobby after just one session. It's a job, the agency wanted her to make money out of her. If she doesn't turn in a tape they just pick someone else. Maybe Boden don't sell as many sparkly dresses as they'd hoped , but that's not on her!

I don't see how days in a studio being photographed can be fun for a child - the stylists, photographer etc are all adults who want to get the job done and get out.

My auntie (my mum’s younger half sister) started modelling at 14 in 1971 and was very successful for 10-12 years, did adverts, magazines, the lot, met a lot of famous people and had a good time. She recently told me she never liked doing it but it was good money (plus she was with my uncle, who then became her husband) so that’s why she did it, plus she got almost every job she went for. She had quite a unique but versatile look and was good with people so got lots of work. She stopped to work with animals and birds and to have a family. I really would say to think hard before letting your daughter go into child modelling. It’s a brutal world. My mum who worked in advertising and knew models (had 2 husbands who were photographers) also said modelling was awful and brutal and she wouldn’t recommend it.

Yes. Because she’s 9

ffs

I know a 12 year old who has to do self tapes often late at night after school and it has to be done. She has just been diagnosed as AuDHD. She loves drama and has done all the tapes even when she hasn’t wanted to. She didn’t get anything for a year but has now just landed two massive roles. One is a tv commercial and one is a huge well known tv show. For her, the perseverance has paid off. But mum told me that it’s not financially anything to care about - especially with how much time she has to take off to be the guardian at all the shoots and events, as well as travel.

The issue is that you have a child who has demand avoidance. The modelling bit is a red herring.

I'm just getting over the idea that somebody approached a nine year old about a job and her parents were just passengers in this scenario who were on the back foot from the get-go.

I mean, either that's how it went down which should have been your first clue that this is wholly unethical or, you have minimised your role in this and they approached you first and you made a choice to tell her knowing the likely consequences and challenges that she couldn't possibly forecast, you know, being nine.

Unfortunately op, as an ex model myself and now actress, self tapes are part and parcel of the industry now and have been since covid.. They are a nuisance and quite frankly, I find them draining and somewhat degrading, especially if it’s a self tape for a TV commercial where they’re basically asking you to act out something stupid that’s impossible to improvise when you don’t have the correct props.

I get it op. And this shit that the agency insist you do these self tapes or you’re kicked off the books just adds more unnecessary pressure. One of my agencies was the same. Sending self tapes from a casting director that had sent the same self tape request to every acting agency not only in the UK but the whole of Europe which will mean 2000+ applicants, meaning chances among getting selected for the job are very slim but the agency insist you waste your time doing the self tape anyways.

If she doesn’t want to do the self tapes then I would suggest rethinking if this is the right “career” for your child. Because more and more casting directors are requesting self tapes now for literally everything. It’s shit I know. But until something is done about it then this is the way it will be for now.

Not all shoots are done in studios, also not all shoots are done for clothing brands. There are a multitude of different shoots. For example… I once did a shoot with 2 kids where I was the pretend “mum” and we also had a pretend “dad”. Both professional models. The children’s parents were present throughout the entire shoot and stayed just a few metres away from their children at all times. On that shoot the kids got to travel to different attractions as it was about advertising the local attractions in that area. The kids (and pretend mum and dad) got to go on rides, little boats, eat ice cream, pizza and all sorts of other fun kiddy stuff all while a camera crew filmed us - It was all part of the commercial. To see their faces light up with excitement was so lovely and such a nice experience for them. So no it’s not all about spending days in boring studios and even when it is, the kids are treated extremely well. They are only allowed to work a set amount of hours per day and from what I’ve seen, kids generally enjoy doing it.

However, the issue arises when the kids don’t enjoy it but the parents/ agencies still push them to do it anyway.

Its just a case of the novelty wearing off surely. She can still love drama but not want to do the boring bit, isn't that normal for her age?

Unfortunately not as most roles in performance whether that be acting, modelling or whatever now demand self tapes before they will even consider you for the role. It’s shit and it’s basically the equivalent of someone applying for an ordinary office job but having to try and film themselves spending an hour or so doing that job… for free… when you don’t have the equipment ie. Computer/ laptop… before your application for the job can even be considered. And this is for every job you apply for.

I think you need to stop allowing your small child to be the parent. You parent your small child. Stop allowing her to rule

If she’s not self motivated to some degree to do the “tapes” then it’s just not going to work out.
tell her that, then drop it

I do think parental encouragement is important. I have had to work really hard at my son with his piano playing and finally, 4 years on, he loves it and plays keyboard in a band, practices independently

but personally I wouldn’t want my 9 year old involved in such a competitive and sometimes nasty industry

if she was really keen that would be different but she’s not