Nine year old daughter joined a model agency but doesn’t want to do the self tapes. Should we quit?

[Actorrrring]

My daughter is nine and she loves going to drama school. She is a very striking looking child and was approached to be part of a proper, reputable modelling agency. DH and I discussed it in detail as at first we really didn’t want to, but she said she really wanted to do it and loves drama. And we spoke to the drama teachers who said they make these shoots fun for kids and it’s money to put away for when she grows up.

Anyway she has been given a lot of self tape requests but no jobs yet. My problem is, she has started hating doing the self tapes. At first, she was doing them enthusiastically and that started to dwindle (this all started in January).

She has a request that has to be in for tomorrow and has refused to do it.

I don’t know what to do. The agency is quite strict - if you miss two or three (I can’t remember something like that) then they basically kick you off their books. (The agency paid for her headshots, we haven’t spent any money here as I know the ones you pay for are scammy.)

Anyway, part of me thinks she needs to fulfil her obligation and part of me knows she’s a child and we shouldn’t make her WORK.

But she loves showing off about how she’s a model and an actress (something that makes me inwardly big time cringe), but doesn’t love doing the work to get the jobs.

I don’t know what is the right thing anymore but I am so irritated that she’s refusing.

She also has suspected ADHD and demand avoidance. I think I feel a bit triggered because I worry about her life in general. She doesn’t want to do anything she’s asked - even if it’s a good thing! She’d spend her days watching tv if it were up to her (which it isn’t!).

Shall I stop this whole modelling thing? Or should she fulfil this commitment? I don’t know!!

It’s an industry that consumes and destroys women. Eating disorders and abuse are rife. What looks cute and harmless now won’t be in a few years time. I know a few former models and none would ever let their children near the industry. I’d count my lucky stars and just quietly stop.

That’s the fashion modelling industry you’re talking about, not the commercial modelling industry which is the category of modelling children come under. Commercial modelling encourages body positivity, plus size modelling etc. Fashion models and commercial models are completely separate to each other, so despite what you may think, not all models are pushed into a life of eating disorders. Please don’t tar all categories of modelling with the same brush.

Why not let her pursue her interest in drama (she’s very young at 9) kids can have too many commitments which stop them enjoying their childhood think over scheduled kids with a full week of extra curicurular. If she doesn’t want to do the tape then don’t force it. So what if the agency drops her. It sounds to me that it’s not much fun for her why pressure her with the adult world now do you need her to earn money if not just go with her interests.

If she wants to be an actress, this is a good first lesson about persistence. Auditioning can be brutal but you have to keep going. If you don't, you don't get anywhere.

Does she realise that if she doesn’t go they might cancel her ? She needs to know this.

Yes, but they usually sign you up for one or the other, not both.

We treat it very much as a fun 30 minutes learning some lines and doing a bit of filming then send in and never think about it again, knowing it will never come to anything (but you never know!)

Cheerfully lay out the consequences if she doesn’t, then follow her lead.

She isn’t a model and an actress
She is a child who likes drama club

No. To the MN “consequences”. If she has ADHD type behaviours that will just put enormous pressure on her. It’s not a question of “consequences”.

She doesn’t want to do it. Respect that and move on. Let it go.

I don't know what is the right thing anymore...

I would have thought it was glaringly obvious. You want it, she doesn't. So yes, you quit.

She doesn’t want to do it. Let her quit. You’re definitely projecting. She’s a child, her only commitments should be learning and play. This level of rejection at her age could end up being traumatic.

It sound like she isn’t ready.
If she does get booked the client will expect her to be easy to work with as they will be on a tight schedule and budget.

I think you’ve been child -led so far (your child wanted to do this so you agreed) I would continue to be child-led. I would also explain to her that the agency is strict and if she chooses not to do it she may not get another go. You want her to be happy and want to be supportive so you will let her chose and be supportive of her choices.

I think it really appeals to children the idea of being special or chosen for something (it’s why princess diary and party why Harry Potter is so popular- being special/ chosen resonates with the population) so I can see why being a model feels nice for her, but if she won’t do the videos she’s not going to go far so you can just be supportive and let is fizzle out

'My only worry is that I’m letting her drop commitments. This might be a hang up from my own parents who wouldn’t let us quit things without having properly tried first.'

One of the great secrets to peace of mind and a happy life is learning to drop commitments like hot potato if they don't serve you.

When I learned this lesson I immediately became happier, nobody died, nobody even minded. I'm not sure if anyone even noticed.

Because my parents were like yours it took me into my 40s to realise this.

I would have had a much more relaxed and contented life for decades if I'd caught on to the fact earlier.

Chill out and let your daughter chill out.

Goodness me, this is so incredibly sad. She is nine years old. She should never have been put in this position. What an awful world we live in.

Modelling and acting are different things. She doesn't need to do both.

This sounds like a lot of pressure on a child. She doesn't need to be looking for job, she's nine!

Even commercial modelling puts a lot of weight on appearance. Look at most clothing websites - the models do not reflect the full range of appearances you see in real life, skewing heavily towards the conventionally atttactive. Any "body positivity" is a marketing gimmick. Young girls have enough pressures on their appearance as it is and I doubt doing this sort of thing helps.

I’m surprised she likes drama club so much if she hates being told to what to do. Drama, even for kids, involves being told what to do all the time!

Op, don’t force her, let the agency cancel the contract, otherwise she’ll blame you if you do it. Have a serious conversation with her about whether she really does want to become an actress, or if it’s just a temporary hobby. You don’t want her to spend too much time focusing on something that she won’t succeed in to the detriment of school work, for example. These kind of careers require a huge amount of work and discipline which can’t be taught/ forced, they have to come from within.

My cousin’s son is a footballer. Ever since he was 5, his life was school and training, every day, with longer training sessions or matches at the weekend. He did not have a ‘normal’ childhood. There is no way my cousin could have pushed him so much unless he also wanted to do it. So that was years of years of work, without knowing whether he would succeed. He did, but many of his friends who worked just as hard didn’t.

'My only worry is that I’m letting her drop commitments. This might be a hang up from my own parents who wouldn’t let us quit things without having properly tried first.'

She's 9. It's making her really unhappy. There are plenty of other ways to encourage drama based activities and opportunities which don't involve the seriousness and pressure of a modelling agency. She clearly still does want to do drama. You are facilitating the wrong avenue for the wrong child. You know this. You are making this avenue the be all and end all and projecting your quitting on her. The emphasis here shouldn't be on her quitting but on you finding a better fit for her so she won't want to quit. Her reasons for wanting to give this up are very understandable - it's an awful set up that isn't fun and isn't necessarily an opportunity at all.

“Part of me thinks she needs to fulfil her obligation” what a load of bollocks she has no obligation she is a child who thought it was fun but now is refusing. You should listen to her. Let her continue with drama if she enjoys that but quietly drop this agency stuff.

Sending off tapes isn’t a commitment anyway. It’s only something that should happen if the child finds it enjoyable (and if parent agrees in first place).

But there’s an overlap between the two anyway. A lot of these self tape requests will be for TV commercial roles which require a certain degree of acting anyway. Actors can also be considered for modelling roles too.

How much fun will this be for her and the rest of the family if it takes off and she and u are unable to do ' fun' things because of her work commitments? I would let it go.

I would also be worried about something like this reinforcing the idea that self worth is linked to appearance.