Nine year old daughter joined a model agency but doesn’t want to do the self tapes. Should we quit?

[Actorrrring]

My daughter is nine and she loves going to drama school. She is a very striking looking child and was approached to be part of a proper, reputable modelling agency. DH and I discussed it in detail as at first we really didn’t want to, but she said she really wanted to do it and loves drama. And we spoke to the drama teachers who said they make these shoots fun for kids and it’s money to put away for when she grows up.

Anyway she has been given a lot of self tape requests but no jobs yet. My problem is, she has started hating doing the self tapes. At first, she was doing them enthusiastically and that started to dwindle (this all started in January).

She has a request that has to be in for tomorrow and has refused to do it.

I don’t know what to do. The agency is quite strict - if you miss two or three (I can’t remember something like that) then they basically kick you off their books. (The agency paid for her headshots, we haven’t spent any money here as I know the ones you pay for are scammy.)

Anyway, part of me thinks she needs to fulfil her obligation and part of me knows she’s a child and we shouldn’t make her WORK.

But she loves showing off about how she’s a model and an actress (something that makes me inwardly big time cringe), but doesn’t love doing the work to get the jobs.

I don’t know what is the right thing anymore but I am so irritated that she’s refusing.

She also has suspected ADHD and demand avoidance. I think I feel a bit triggered because I worry about her life in general. She doesn’t want to do anything she’s asked - even if it’s a good thing! She’d spend her days watching tv if it were up to her (which it isn’t!).

Shall I stop this whole modelling thing? Or should she fulfil this commitment? I don’t know!!

Try training five hours a day, every day, for five years, only to have a bad day in the semifinals and miss Olympic qualification — knowing it’s your last chance and that your entire life up to that point has been dedicated to that one moment. Compared to that, sending a few tapes and getting rejected is a breeze.

Is tell her you are glad she decided not to do it and that will be a big pressure off for all of you now she's not a model anymore.

And she'll be doing the bloody thing in minutes - and if not, well above still applies.

I have a child similar age who does acting rather than modelling. But I understand the self tape struggle!

Respectfully, I don’t know if your drama teachers explained the reality of the child acting/modelling world as it is now. The agency should also have laid it out.

Since covid, as other OPs have said, self tapes are the new normal. Although it saves time and travel (and many costs for a casting director) it means that whereas before there might be 30-50 invited to a casting / audition now there can 100(s) taping. All for 1 role! To get a tape is an achievement as 100s-1000s can be submitted and even when you get a tape, then most of the time you will hear nothing back.
To put it into context, my child (with decent credits) has had 16 tapes in the last year with one that she recalled on (didn’t get) and one that has booked her a small job. She is happy to do the tapes and pretend to be the character as that is what she enjoys. (She’s not a fan of the intro videos because they’re not actual acting!! But understands they’re needed) She also doesn’t ask about the tape outcomes and so manages the rejection element well.

Also, self tapes will come in with quick turnarounds. (Sometimes 24hrs) It’s how it is. It shouldn’t be the case but it is and as there are 1000s of people willing and able to achieve these turnarounds then it will carry on. If you’re not, then again it probably isn’t right for you and your family.

More children than ever are now represented and that means that most children will never book jobs. If my child didn’t enjoy it and didn’t want to do the tapes then we wouldn’t do it. My child doesn’t do modelling because she wouldn’t enjoy it.

Your daughter has plenty of time if she wants to pursue acting as a career. If she’s enjoying her drama classes great! Maybe look at other options for the holidays to do different things.

If she doesn’t want to do it, then I would suggest walking away. She is not under any obligation to her agency. Plenty of fun stuff she can do with classes etc.

I agree. My son is an adult model and it is such a lot of work with the castings and rejections and constant demands on his time. If it’s not fun any more, it’s really not worth it. She can always go back to it when she’s older.

I suggest you join the group Children's Acting, Modelling and Casting Advice for Parents UK and post your comment on there, as there are parents on there with neuro diverse children who perform and will be very helpful I'm sure.

I'm an actor and my daughter also acts and models. Yes the self tapes can be tedious, my daughter also doesn't enjoy them but does love the experiences she has had when she's got the job. A lot of the child agencies are modelling and acting, but you could always ask to just be put forward for acting. She will still need to do self tapes but they might be more interesting with lines to learn etc. I would also explain to the agency about her neurodiversity and this issue with the tape, they should give her some extra time (I'm surprised the deadline is at the weekend). Or just have a chat to see what they can do. But if she is really hating it just focus on the drama classes which she enjoys, as you don't want this to spoil her love of performing. You know your child best and I hope it works out :)

I was a teen model and it was brutal.
I wouldn't push her
Lots of ND people are actors. Let her go back to it later if she wants to.

Yes, absolutely this, in the years just before puberty. Madness.

My child was like this about a sport that m…. Hated the act of getting there but loved it when she was there and got a lot out of it. I think you’ve got to encourage as much as you can even if you have to cross the line of pushy parent on an interest you’re personally not that into. Give her every opportunity to have a chance to pursue her dreams even if images saying in one day specific day she doesn’t want to do it. You’re the adult you have to help them not live to the day but see the bigger picture if this is something she wants most of the time.

Maybe as the parent you should take the lead. You didn't want her to do it, she persuaded you. She doesn't want to do the work now you're trying to persuade her. Put your foot down, give it up. Wait till she'd in her teens, then you are going to see a force of nature. Good luck with that.

If she doesn’t want to do the tapes then she may not want to do the jobs if they come in. I’d speak to her kindly and gently and make sure she knows not doing the tapes means the modelling will not happen. But ultimately let her just be a kid. She’s obviously not “that into it” and I think it’s an industry the child really has to want to do it otherwise it’s damaging to them.

Just let her drop it. This isn't a healthy thing for kids anyway.

She's a child, there shouldn't be any "putting it to her" ffs. You're the parent, and she desperately needs parenting.

She sounds like a child version of me. Wants the world, but sometimes isn’t quite ready to put the work in to achieve it. Content especially can be particularly draining - Even if you want the rewards that it brings. I think you should just have a chat with her and just say she needs to make her mind up if she wants the modelling and the actress stuff she has the opportunities they’re available, she just needs to put the work in. And if she’s not prepared to then it means that she doesn’t really want it and she can’t let another girl have the modelling lifestyle and career instead.
I would probably be a bit manipulative and hard hitting and say not everyone is cut out for that life and not everybody actually wants it or can put the Work in to deserve it. I wouldn’t Force her into it, but I would let her really think about it. And if she chooses not to then that’s it, she does not get a second opportunity.

It is absolutely not comparable at all!

I'd just be clear with her that if she doesn't want to do it, she doesn't have to but it will result in her being dropped by the agency. There will be no more modelling. Then let her make the decision herself with no pressure either way.

Thanks all. I spoke to her this morning and gently said I won’t be making her do anything, but that she may get dropped if she decides not to do any more tapes. She said that’s fine, she doesn’t want to be dropped but she doesn’t want to do this tape.

So that’s fine! And I have decided to let it be. If she also refuses on the next and they drop her, then no big deal. It was supposed to be for fun anyway - and it isn’t! I’m also going to make it all no big deal, say you can try again when you’re older if you still want to, and carry on with having fun at drama etc.

Thank you for all your comments and advice!

She can just carry on with her drama and doesn’t seem very bothered about the modelling, so all good. All sorted without any drama (s’cuse pun).

It’s totally fine for some kids. How do you think tv films and theatre get made with kids in? Mine all enjoyed being on set, tiring, but well looked after with chaperones and breaks. Plus spotting themselves later was fun.

I think you just explain the T&Cs to her and if she still doesn’t want to do it, it’s up to her. It’s not as if she won’t have opportunities in the future.

Sorry, I hadn’t read all comments. Sounds like it’s all sorted - I’m sure that’s a relief for everyone. 😊

I agree. I’m not sure what all this shit is that people keep saying about it not being “healthy” and being of the opinion that op’s daughter will lead a lifestyle of eating disorders and abuse…. It’s commercial modelling, not fashion modelling. You generally don’t suffer any abuse in the commercial modelling industry. If you enjoy modelling then commercial modelling can be great fun. lYes self tapes are shit, doing self tapes are shit, the expectations of self tapes are shit…. But the modelling itself when you actually get booked on a job can be absolutely lovely.

It’s something either children will love or they won’t. Same with acting. I doubt these kids would be in TV films and theatre if the kids didn’t want to do it. It’s certainly not unhealthy or leads you into some dark, sinister lifestyle…. fashion modelling however, may be a different story.

If the op’s child doesn’t want to do it anymore then she doesn’t want to do it anymore. It’s that simple really.

My daughter is with two. They both do both, she's put forward for jobs in both. I'm not speaking from a place of ignorance.

And I agree with this. My daughter was in a movie. She had a brilliant time, spent the day playing with the other kids, did 30 mins filming then done and home. She loved spotting herself in the movie. She loved getting dressed up. It's not a serious thing at this age unless you are too intense about it and make it no fun. She does self tapes regularly, she thinks they are amusing. We've got them down to a 15 minute task. She loves getting her headshots done because we've got to know the photographer and he plays her favourite tunes while she's having her photos done. She did a modelling shoot where she got to keep the toy from the shoot. It was an hour maximum and she also got to keep some of the clothes.

My nieces/nephews are child actor/models. They do way more self tapes than actual jobs, that’s the nature of the game. They have done a quite a few ads and two have been in films. They started at age 7/8ish. They have been to a few shoots abroad. It does mean they have missed some planned holidays though. They enjoy it. Absolutely not at all worth it if a child isn’t 100% willing to put the work in.

I was just wondering. Mainly because the OP talks about a model agency, and then says it is drama that her dd is interested in. The child agency I know of has two sets of books, one for modelling and the other for drama/MT.