To resent my daughter?

[BeckyBloom]

My elder daughter who is 30 got married a couple of years ago and at the hen she completely embarrassed me. I could have bitten back but I didn’t want to spoil the mood as everyone was lovely and other than that we had a great time. It was a question about have you ever heard your parents having sex in one of the games. She said yes when she was 8, on a certain night and asked why I was doing it when I was in middle of a divorce. It wasn’t the middle, it was at the start of the text book bad behaviour, staying out etc. She then said she had found a dildo in my safe when she was 8 as she knew the password. This was said infront of her group of lovely friends, a couple of my friends and two family members.

It’s 2 years ago and I still can’t get over it as I would never embarrass someone like that. I’ve asked her for an apology and she just laughs and says it was banter and not embarrassing.

It’s really starting to affect how I feel about her as she obviously has no respect for me. Am I being precious and over the top?

I think maybe you’re hung on it because it represents a time in your life which was painful. The fact that she was joking and making you look bad about a time where you were being treated like shit and cheated on made into a joke. I don’t think she would have known or meant it that way but I can see why it’s stuck with you because of what was actually happening. Glad you got away from the shit storm husband but now put that memory of the hen in a box too , it was an ill thought out attempt to be funny.

Lots of mumsnetters seem to only have had sex to conceive…once they had kids there was no longer a need for it, so they didn’t do it again

Oh, OP, you gotta let it go. But it is interesting that you seem to feel deeply embarrassed about sex and hoped your daughter would keep everything secret. She probably doesn’t think she said anything that wasn’t a ‘normal ‘ confession.
It was a weird choice of questions though

Agree. There seems to be a common feeling on MN that kids shouldn't be subjected to anything they don't love, ever. We're raising a generation who thinks the world should revolve around them and anything else is "trauma".

In your head, maybe. And maybe in your daughter's head it's still there locked away until something - like a question in a hen night quiz - opens the door again.
In the same way your daughter thinks the conversation about her behaviour then has been dealt with, sorted, water under the bridge. But here you are two years later, telling us we're focusing on the wrong thing. Ironic.