To resent my daughter?

[BeckyBloom]

My elder daughter who is 30 got married a couple of years ago and at the hen she completely embarrassed me. I could have bitten back but I didn’t want to spoil the mood as everyone was lovely and other than that we had a great time. It was a question about have you ever heard your parents having sex in one of the games. She said yes when she was 8, on a certain night and asked why I was doing it when I was in middle of a divorce. It wasn’t the middle, it was at the start of the text book bad behaviour, staying out etc. She then said she had found a dildo in my safe when she was 8 as she knew the password. This was said infront of her group of lovely friends, a couple of my friends and two family members.

It’s 2 years ago and I still can’t get over it as I would never embarrass someone like that. I’ve asked her for an apology and she just laughs and says it was banter and not embarrassing.

It’s really starting to affect how I feel about her as she obviously has no respect for me. Am I being precious and over the top?

@Feis123

whaaaaat?! Masturbation is healthy for both men and women, regardless of whether or not they have a partner. What do you think is so wrong with it?

It was my ex h bad behaviour not mine!

Ah, so you’ve not apologised.

The sex was very very late at night. My kids were always very good sleepers and we lived in a big house. I knew nothing of her hearing it or about her finding the until the night of the hen.

My ex h brought another woman into our lives very publicly. What do I have to apologise for?

think this poster @Wickedlittledancer thinks you should have become a nun, OP 🤣

I really have nothing to apologise for!

So don’t.

talk to her or don’t talk to her

but whatever you do… you need to put this to bed.

Op has nothing to apologise for. That is odd

If someone I care about says to me -' this hurt me, I felt embarrassed by this'.... I would say with absolute sincerity.. ' I am so sorry. I really didn't think how that could make you feel'.

I don't like people who do the ' get over it, you're too sensitive' thing.

If you are demanding an apology, I'd have a problem with that. I'd find it a bit controlling and demeaning. It's a bit of a power play. I don't think it's ever a good idea to demand apologies from people.

It's always best to simply say ' I felt xyz,' or ' xyz really hurt Me'. That's all. Then if there's a snotty reply, I say, ' if someone I love told me they were hurt by something I did, I'd acknowledge that '.

I haven't read all the thread. I'm wondering if there are more deep seated issues in the relationship between you both.Its a long time to focus on this alone.

Did you read the comment I was responding to?

• “Sleeping with random men with an 8 yr old in the house” = sleeping with her husband.

• ”You were the one who psychologically scarred an 8 year old by keeping a dildo in reach” = in a locked safe.

I think the anger and the accusation was in the comment I was responding to. My point was to highlight the way this comment had done a complete Murdoch-worthy tabloid re-telling of the OPs original post.

You say your dd was a daddy’s girl, that the divorce is no longer of relevance, and you do not think you have anything to apologise for. It sounds to me as though you are only capable of viewing things from your own perspective and not from the viewpoint of your daddy’s girl in the build up to her wedding. I can see why she wouldn’t want to go back and discuss her comments in the cold light of day, knowing how you have closed that bit of history down in your own mind as all in the past. Time to close her comment down now, too, and not be a dog with a bone on that one, either. To insist you were the blameless victim on every occasion may be a bit difficult for her to deal with.

I think this is quite an insightful post

I’m the type of person who likes to get things in the open and put them to bed without drama just an open discussion. I couldn’t speak to her after the hen as it was soon the wedding then the honeymoon then a baby that’s why it’s festered

2 years on you are starting a thread about festering resentment for your DD. I don’t think you can seriously describe yourself as someone who likes things out in the open

She knows very well that she can talk about anything from the past we actually do this quite often there are no barriers to it.

I wasn’t able to get it in the open due to the circumstances… I considered her feelings over the wedding, the honeymoon and then being pregnant and having a baby

The ex toy was locked away in a safe, which the child broke into.
As for her hearing Op have sex, that was unfortunate but this has happened to a lot of people who who not have then dreamed of spreading it about.
What you say is unreasonable!

We’ll talk to her about how you’re feeling about this event!!

how you are describing yourself and your relationship is completely at odds with your OP!

This is probably the only disagreement we’ve ever had

If you are truly wanting to move past it (as you said very early on the thread) I would (hopefully not patronisingly) leave this thread be as I don't imagine this will be helping in the process

I think you must have had a strange relationship to start with.

It's odd that she didn't know you well enough to realise this would embarrass you and even odder if she knew it would but said it anyway.

It's also odd that you are stewing on it 2 years later to the point of resentment.

I mean "fucker" is a swear word to, so not necessarily a bullseye point there.

Ah I see - I think youve misunderstood what the OP meant and others may have too. She says the sex was her and her husband, 3 years before the divorce - ie they were still together (this is the misunderstanding she refers to on the pet of her daughter). The “bad behaviour” the OP writes of is her ex-husband’s bad behaviour.

SO YOU KEPT THESE THINGS AROUND AN 8 YEARS OLD CHILD. disgusting