Im stuck on what to do.... help?

[Flicitytricity]

I have been part of a walking/hiking group for 6 years now.
There are 8 women in this group, I (thought) I got in well with them all, until a month ago.
We regularly go abroad on holiday together, weekends away etc
One of the group has taken against me, spparantly hasn't liked me ' for years' and cant see a way forward.
She removed herself from our whatsapp group, and although i have tried to contact her to find out what it is I've done wrong, what ive done (inadvertently) to upset her, im getting nowhere.
its caused a bit of drama in the group, we all met for a prearranged walk and she would not even make eye contact with me, let alone exchange pleasantries.
Mid way through the walk she had tears, saying she has had this problem with me for years and felt so lonely within our group, and just felt so bereft.
At the end of the walk, I left, I just felt so awful. I honestly, truly and genuinely do not know what I've done to upset her, but its made life difficult for the others in our little group.
Most seem to be as bewildered as I am, but she is a woman with the best, and most fun personality, so I think others in the group are thinking there MUST be some reason for this.
Im fucking stumped.
Don't want to make this an essay, but I was the main support she had from anyone in the group when her life went tits up a couple of years ago, so this just feels like a punch to the gut.
Im inclined to back off completely, im just not fit for schoolgirl squabbles, but at the same time, im thinking why should I? I've done nothing wrong.
God, this reads like a self indulgent teen drama, I should be way past this, but would appreciate any advice from people who've been through similar.

Dont address her directly in person any more. Just say “I’m not going to let Jane push me out of group I enjoy when I’ve done nothing wrong. Either we can co exist peacefully or Jane can leave”

Don’t you fucking dare feel guilty if she left the group!

she stood you up on a meet up an hour away because- and she actually told you this 😲 - she got a better offer.

fucking hell, I ended a short friendship when someone stood me up at a early morning meet up at a garden centre 20 mins from my home. There is absolutely no excuse for not sending a text or whatever to say you’re not going to make it.

this HAS to be the root cause of her behaviour. You were RIGHT to be miffed!

honestly, stick it out and be 100% open that you have zero clue as to why she’s like this, and make sure to drop in the time she stood you up as the last interaction you’ve had, and then shrug.

be clear with all your friends “I have literally racked my brains to see what on earth kind of reason she has for behaving like this towards me, I’ve asked her outright and got zero response. Perhaps she’ll get over this drama as quickly as she started it. I’ve done nothing wrong.”

If you are still enjoying the group and they aren't taking sides, then I would carry on going and its up to her what she does. I wouldn't confront her because to me its likely what she is trying for...the big scene where you "make her cry" You have done nothing wrong, don't behave as though its you at fault.
Not the same but similar, I had a problem with new neighbours (not next door) who took a dislike to me as soon as they moved in. The made multiple complaints to the council about me and tried to turn my longstanding next door neighbours, both sides, against me. i won't lie, it was hard to style through it but when they got nowhere with me, they tried the same tactics on other neighbours who finally found out what they were really like.

Can you set your own group up? even if its just 2 of you to start with? Get out of this current group, no good can come from this now she has targeted you in some way, if you did not genuinely say anything to her to upset her maybe she is jealous in some way ? Who knows...have you come out and asked her what her problem is ?

My husband's advice is 'stay away from people. They're mostly bonkers and the ones that aren't yet will be soon'

I'm paraphrasing really but sometimes I wonder if he's right when you find people suddenly act weird and go proper funny for no apparent reason.

The op has brought it up 'Two of the group said that whatever the problem was , was down to her and for me to just crack on as normal. The other two have said quite openingly that they have no idea what the issue is between the two of us, but they are not getting involved and just want things to be normal.'

So, they're either too wet to ask the horrible one to desist and will turn a blind eye to bullying or there's another side to the story that the op is oblivious too.

Whichever it is it doesn't sound fixable.

When I first read that you had supported her through something, I wondered whether she had confided something to you that she is now embarrassed about, but that doesn’t seem likely,

Could it be that she associates you with that terrible time and seeing you is a reminder of it?

For whatever reason she is being a 'Wendy'. She is making it so awkward for you, you'll have little choice but to leave the group which is the reason she cannot say what has changed or what you have 'done wrong'.

Completely agree with this- these bullies need a light shone on their spite. I’ve a sister in law who had apparently stored up 30 years of complaints against me and then listed them out when I challenged her on some appalling abuse she threw at her brother (my husband) and her sister. It was shattering at the time as we had always rubbed along ok, I thought. I was terribly upset and blindsided and avoided her and gatherings for a while. That was a mistake- and now I absolutely won’t be pushed around by someone like that. There are some really odd and vindictive people around and honestly, I’d advise you to keep going along, keep being you. She wants you to be pushed out, for whatever reason she has percolated in her head, and she probably will not ever say what it is as it’s almost certainly nothing rational.

This is awful, I hope the situation settles down for you x

Lots of people have money to go abroad with whoever they want? It happens all day every day.

I think we could all do with seeing the thread

I think she's shared too much with you and every time she sees you is embarrassed.

This is just so weird.

It doesn't sound like she's ok.

Any chance she arrived, forgot she was supposed to be meeting you then lost a few hours and was so frazzled she went on the attack.

I remember going with my mum to meet my auntie in the cafe we always met. We waited a while then phoned her. She was in another cafe we had never been and absolutely furious that we had misled her.

We had no idea why she was being so horrible to us, shouting and flouncing off.

A month later her brain tumour was diagnosed.

Don't let this histrionic cunt drive you out of the group, if she so can't stand you she should stay away.

She’s removed herself from the group chat, which is much the same as removing herself from the group. Keep going. Keep organising things through the group chat. She’s being unreasonable and, if she doesn’t want to leave, attention seeking to boot.

The others should keep in mind that they could be next.

This! Yes, I reckon that could be the case. She wanted to manufacture a huge row so she could ‘show’ the group how horrid you are and you’d be ousted or feel you had to leave. Who knows why she’d do something so bonkers but maybe embarrassment over what she’s shared with you in the past and she wanted to blow it all up to avoid those difficult feelings. It didn’t go as she planned and she’s now furious and of course has no explanation. I’ve seen similar and it’s hugely manipulative and peculiar.

Just no. Why should you have to alternate, that is really childish and just silly.

All you can do is ask her to explain, and if she won’t then there is nothing you can do about it and it’s not your problem.

Leave it to her, and stay in the group. She needs to grow up, you be the adult here.

You won’t pin her down because you haven’t done anything.

She’s an arse - her behaviour standing you up showed that.

continue your walking for the social group, rise above her, refuse to be drawn, answer with

‘I don’t know what the issue is, I wonder if it started when she stood me up, I don’t know but I’m happy to discuss with her is she wants to. I’m not allowing myself to be distressed by it any longer or have sleepless nights again. Are you enjoying the walk/book/latest tv?’

it shows she’s an arse, you’ve tried, she’s still being dramatic and actually it’s nasty and hurtful.

My first thought. She's feeling guilty so she's trying g to deflect.
She sounds like a narcissist and I would avoid. If you were new to the group I would say run, but as the others know you well enough maybe just see what happens.

There it is - she behaved badly and is now projecting onto you in case you mention her utter rudeness that day to anyone!!!
personally, in front of everyone just say something along the lines of I’m so sorry you don’t seem to like me anymore but I’m sure we can be adult enough to be polite when we’re all together in a group - then do not feed into her drama anymore. Don’t ask her why what where or when. Hold your head up and stand tall and proud. It’ll be the last thing she wants or expects and if she continues she’ll make herself look even more stupid x

She's not in the Whats App group - is that right? In which case be proactive and start instigating plans to the rest of the group, if she has still flounced away she won't get the info?

she's a bully, manipulative and hugely draining I expect. I wouldn't be letting her force me out!

Trouble is she knows she has an entry point to bully the OP. OP has said 'I'd feel guilty if she left'. Whereas the correct response should be 'Thank god that bxtch has gone.'

Don't let these people get away with it OP. These people are everywhere, scamming, manipulating, trying to bring down decent ordinary people.

Do the others in the group know about her arranging to meet you & not bothering?

If not i she trying to get you to leave before you tell them?