Sure teacher is lying, but can't prove it

[Chew33]

My 12 year old son received a detention (c2) for talking in class. He is usually as good as gold and gets great feedback, so this was very unusual. He said he got this with no verbal warning or c1, which is the procedure they're supposed to follow. He said she shouted c2 whilst pointing at him from across the room.
I challenged the procedure not being followed. The teacher emailed me in response with a completely different version of events. She said he'd had several warnings, then. C1 from her, then a c2 from the librarian! My son has admitted he was talking too much, but is adamant her version was no where near the truth. He even checked with one of the kids after the fact, who agreed.
I know when my kid lies. He goes bright red and its so obvious atm. I know he's telling the truth, and I'm disgusted how he's been treated. I think she just lost her temper and knows she did wrong. The detention itself was very short and never recorded in the system. He said she just said as this is your first strike and you're usually so good let's let this one go.

So I emailed back expressing i understood his talking was unacceptable, however I was very concerned about the difference in recalling events. She's doubled down and said her report is accurate.

Do I let this one go, or not? My gut is telling me she's definitely lying, but I don't know what to do or its worth pursuing further.

You should refer this matter to the United Nations.

Shit like this is why there's a shortage of teachers.

It’s a good job you were not my mother. I got slapped across the face for making a mistake in art. Taught me at aged 10 that all teachers are not perfect or even nice, some make mistakes. With your attitude you are going to breed an entitled mummy’s boy with no spine. How would it be if 30 kids decided to talk?
Never defend you kid when they are in the wrong and teach him some manners.
It’s a bad sign that he whines to you, but not too late to correct

Have you ever thought about how hard it is being a teacher. Managing around 30 kids, some of which are constantly talking (like yours probably was!) or misbehaving and you are trying to think about the different needs of students in a task, helping them, thinking about the time and when the task should finish and now having to think about what STEP of a warning you are on before giving a detention when you are probably stressed and at the end of your tether?? It's bloody hard. Give the teacher some grace and accept it doesn't matter what stage she gave the detention at. Your kid deserved it and now you have probably given her additional stress as she is having to deal with you too. Hope they aren't having any sleepless nights about it as I know I would!

I think you're getting an unreasonably hard time here because people are assuming you think your child wasn't talking in class. Your issue is with the lack of a warning and, if I've understood correctly that C1 would be logged in the system if it had happened so you feel like he's been sent off for 1 yellow card offence rather than for 2.

That being said, tell your kid that shit happens, the system will always back its own and this is a good reason to keep his head down and not be disruptive in class.

How long was the detention? 20 minutes? Your son was lying and now he knows he has you wrapped round his little finger and will undermine teachers even more. You are not helping him here.

If you want the truth, ask the librarian.

If I had a pound for each time I've heard a parent say that, I'd be a multimillionaire.

Consider "what reason would the teacher have to lie and make all that extra work for herself?" and then consider "what reason would my son have to lie?'"and you'll have your answer.

All kids lie. All of them. Remember all those times you lied to your parents?

Maybe your DS didn't notice the c1 because he was to busy talking to notice.

This is everything that’s wrong with schools - the parents. Support the teacher, may be she got it wrong this time, she’s human with a class of 30+ kids, most as entitled as your little prince, as well as a couple who need 1:1 support and aren’t getting it, and a couple of complete thugs who have zero respect. Teach your kids some manners, control and resilience.

You are doing your child no favours.

Im the omgoing saga this will cause, next week it will be

"should I complain that teacher didn't follow proceedure and tell a child off for talking and disrupting my child's learning, after I complained that proceedure hadn't been followed when mu child was told off"

So yes please complain, eventually the teacher will just give up on behaviour and your child will get the education that they deserve.

Why are you attacking this teacher? Are you power mad? Your son misbehaved in class and was punished as a result. If the ‘procedure’ wasn’t followed to the letter, should he have been allowed to get away with his misbehaviour?
By making a huge issue over this, you’re letting your son know that you’ll believe any old crap he comes up with. Wait until he’s a couple of years older and running rings round you.

Just tell your son to behave and he won’t get in trouble. Sometimes things are punished more or less harshly than maybe they should be. That’s life.
It’s not like the teacher has a vendetta against him - like lots of children seem to think.
I think it’s ridiculous that you contacted the teacher over this.
Teachers don’t want excess work and so are unlikely to just give out detentions for the sake of them.

If you and he are both ND then I can understand why you want “the rules” followed - I am the same as are my kids. But at the same time, the rules are don’t talk, and if he talks then he’s going to be punished. Sometimes life isn’t fair. And sometimes if you misbehave youll get an immediate harder sanction.

please don’t get stuck in he will never lie I can always tell, otherwise his teenage years are going to break you.

let it go and move on.

Your son has admitted he did wrong so move on. Please don’t teach your son that he above punishment or should fight authority. Leave the teacher alone.

Tell your son to stop talking in class and then he won't get a detention. At age 12, he doesn't need his mum to get him out of a detention. If he is asking around for evidence about the teacher following procedure and getting his mum to write in about a minor detention, the others are going to take the piss out of him. Then he will get upset and you will need to rely on the teachers to help sort that out.

Your son has wasted class time and now you need to stop wasting the teacher's time. It isn't important. Pick your battles.

My guess is "the system" is a massive PIA to log into when you have 5 other things going on in the background and a class to each.

I realise this isn't your problem Op but just tell your son you believe him but since he was actually talking that stuff happens.
Also he hasn't lost his house any house points - bonus!

Oh dee dums.
It’s a damn good job your child wasn’t at school when I was.
I too was slapped, hard, by a teacher for the crime of taking too long to get changed after PE.
We also had corporal punishment. I can tell you, you soon learned to do as you were told. And yes, I do think schools were better then.
Stop challenging the teacher. It’s such a minor issue.
Tell him to do as he is told at school.

'Sorry kid. This is a life lesson for you. It isn't always fair. However you admit you were talking too much. That's not fair at all on the teacher or your mates trying to learn. You're 12 not 2. You shouldn't need 1000 warnings to know when you're being disruptive. I'm not wasting the teacher's time with this. Maybe your recollections differed but you were disruptive and disrespectful. Next time STFU and you won't get a detention'

This is exactly how you could have taught your child some humility and not created the need for the teacher to go through a whole heap of extra work and stress and drive them one more step towards quitting. Next time please do this or homeschool your child if you're this insecure about the integrity of his teachers.

Exactly what I was going to say.

And you're teaching him now that you're fine with him being a dick twice in class as long as he's not a dick three times. Is that your intended lesson?

Poor, poor teacher.

What a helicopter parent, leave the whole matter alone.

Parents like you are the problem.

Even if its not right, its not going to kill him and might teach him a bit of resilience, which it sounds like he might need.

Your son was not behaving well. Support the teacher in disciplining him. Teach your son that you are on the side of him respecting the rules of classroom behaviour.

Most schools have a similar behaviour policy - verbal warning, then a formal consequence like a detention if not followed. However, all the schools I've worked in have a line in the behaviour policy saying a detention can be issued at any time (when a child is misbehaving) if the teacher feels it's necessary.
As a teacher, low-level disruption like talking is soooooo annoying, so yes the teacher probably did snap.