Do parents thank you after residentials?

[DoctorLawn]

I've been thinking about this, since returning from a residential last Friday.

Three parents thanked me.

I'm not expecting all out gratitude, but I was quite taken aback by our return in general. They all stood in the path to the main school entrance, two parents and a childminder helped us get the luggage off the coach while the rest watched, and nobody moved aside without being asked.

It's a very upper middle class school - wondering if that means the parents are much more 'entitled' feeling than others?

Why would any school insist on taking a child away if there really was fierce opposition on the part of the child and its parent? They would have to have a really passionate belief in it working, to warrant all the extra effort (and hassle, to be frank). My schools would have put forward a strong case for them coming along, but ultimately leaving it up to the family to decide.

I do think that it makes a difference whether it's primary or secondary pupils that you are taking.

If primary then parents know who the teacher is, in secondary the parents may never have met any of the teachers so may be unsure which of the adults milling about are teachers. In primary I would still expect thanks to come from a parent, by secondary I would expect the thanks to come from the pupils.

I've been quoted on this thread as being rude and entitled, even though I've also quite clearly stated that as a teacher running a residential i don't want to be thanked by every set of parents it delays things. At the end of a residential I have generally had a group thanks from the pupils, then most pupils say "thanks miss" on the way off the bus. That means a lot more to me than the parents who thank me, especially the ones who think it's necessary to chat for ages in order to say thanks. So, because that's how I feel I project that onto other teachers as well, so my dcs are expected to say thanks but I don't see the need to repeat it now dd1 is in secondary.

clam putting forward a 'strong case' could easily, effectively, be pressurising.

Thanks everyone- this has reminded me that DS has a 2 day trip coming up & I want to get the staff a box of chocs to take with them to say thank you in case I don't get the chance when they return.

Parents are sometimes very reluctant to send their DC on residentials. To thank a teacher who has taken their DC on a residential at great expense against their will might be very difficult...

A thank you doesn't need to be a protracted "what did pfb eat for breakfast this morning and how often did you remind him to take a shower this week" sort of conversation. It can be as brief as a wave and a mouthed 'thanks' from a distance.

But it seems to me from this thread that there are people who have almost made a deliberate tactical decision not to say thank you based on.... who knows what.

"To thank a teacher who has taken their DC on a residential at great expense against their will might be very difficult..."

Really? I just do not 'get' that at all.

If you believe that not going on a school residential trip is best for you children then no amount of putting forward a strong case will affect that. You are the parent.

clam if you even just tried to 'get' it, you'd be one of the teachers I'd more likely be thanking. Respect and understanding cuts both ways.

When I've collected children off a bus after a trip it's often been difficult to give personal thanks. I'd love to thank the staff personally, but if DC aren't going to be handed over one at a time to parents by staff, eye contact can be difficult to achieve.

The last time I collected from a residential trip I insisted my 15yo and his friend I was collecting quickly thanked the teacher, even though the teacher was busy dealing with an issue. I also mailed later, bu primary school don't give out an email address.

scurry I agree but sometimes people are less confident.

I don't understand bad manners, that's all, capsium. And I wouldn't expect or want thanks from anyone who felt the way you seem to.

I don't know hula - as a private school I guess they can set the rules. No one has ever not gone & they are not included in the fees.

Nope, still never taken a kid anywhere 'against their will'. Nor would I - it's hassle enough keeping them in school when they don't want to be there, without volunteering to add travel, no sleep & everyone out of their comfort zone into the mix!

As a parent, if I allowed myself to be pressurised into sending my child on a residential which they really didn't want to go on, & it was a disaster, I think I'd be thanking the staff for trying to help my dc to enjoy it, & kicking myself for making a duff parenting decision in not sticking to my guns.

If there are schools out there which are pushing trips to the extent that parents really don't feel they can politely but firmly decline, I'd suggest a letter to the Chair of Govs might be the appropriate response. Honestly not a scenario I've encountered.

It is not "bad manners" not to than someone for something they twisted your arm to get you to do. Something at which schools frequently excel IMVHO'

Capsicum,the cost of these trips is often the underlying factor. How many parents do you know will send their children based on pressure? Many are realistic and don't bow.

scurry there's more to it than cost. Parents can worry their child is not ready, but still sincerely want them to be, because it is seen as something they 'should' be ready for...and not being ready is generally seen as something wrong.

Pictures - seems very odd. I'm surprised no one has ever challenged the rules. They did (paid for extra) residentials at DD's prep from y3 and generally everyone went, it was advertised as such. But as said before, one parent did say no in the year below dd - it was for the y3 trip. And that was the first child to not go - infact 2 in that year didn't go. School just got on with it - children went in y2 for the time away,

There was one child who for medical reasons could not stay all week at the yr 5 residential. Her mother took her for some of the time. I don't know how she went on during the yr 7 bonding as dd went to a different school but its made very clear its a compulsory trip.

Parents need to challenge it if it is being made compulsory or lots of pressure. If enough do, things will change - even in an independent they will listen to parents if enough speak out - ime anyway.

I always bake stuff to send for the teachers, am always grateful, especially the long muddy cold trips.

My children and I are effusive in our thanks, terribly UMC school, you can't hear yourself for 'thanks say say march'

However, it wouldn't in a million years occur to me to help unload luggage. I'd assume the teachers had it under control and would be happily nattering to my mates, cluttering up the pavement, thoroughly oblivious to the passive aggressive mutters to move out of the way.

Maybe switch to a school where you feel more socially secure, OP, then your inverted snobbery won't have you looking for rudeness when perhaps none was intended.

Parents often don't want their child to be the only one not going either. Lots of pressure and very stressful if your child does not want to go.

When residential trips are clearly optional, with alternative activities offered, the decision making is a whole lot more straightforward. They go if they want to, then. That is no pressure.

Agree Capsium, but if the school is not supportive of those not ready to go on a residential, then I would address that with the year head and would not feel obliged to sent child anyway. You know your child, you know what's best for him/ her.

There I completely agree with you capsium. There should be no pressure to send children; it's inevitably just going to cause resentment.

I still maintain that it the vast majority of parents who can't be arsed to say 'thanks Mrs X!' if they happen to catch your eye can't be quietly seething at having their children dragged off away against their wishes, though. It's a weird one!