Do parents thank you after residentials?

[DoctorLawn]

I've been thinking about this, since returning from a residential last Friday.

Three parents thanked me.

I'm not expecting all out gratitude, but I was quite taken aback by our return in general. They all stood in the path to the main school entrance, two parents and a childminder helped us get the luggage off the coach while the rest watched, and nobody moved aside without being asked.

It's a very upper middle class school - wondering if that means the parents are much more 'entitled' feeling than others?

I'd say "thanks" out of good manners. It's thanks for giving up your time, looking after my child, etc.
If I then discovered said teacher had gone above and beyond to help my child I would express more specific thanks. Are you honestly telling me if your child came back off a residential and you caught the teacher's eye while collecting him/her, you'd not muster a "thanks lot, bye."?

Yes, of course. Why wouldn't you?

and I gave a bottle of champagne to the teacher who waited by the side of the road at midnight for 40 because I fell asleep and was late picking her up

At the risk of sounding like a stuck record, I'm puzzled as to why this is even being discussed. Of course you should thank the people who have looked after your child, and your child should too. Of course you should. It's just good manners. And yes an "automatic response" is better manners than no response at all. Just like you hold open the door for someone behind you rather than letting it slam in their face - another automatic response.

I would always say thanks at parties etc but I'd tend to think teachers who've had probably quite a stressful time of it just want the children taken away not to hang around chatting when they are tired. I'd usually drop an email/card to say thank you afterwards.

Having done MANY residentials, I can, again, count on one hand the thank yous I have had, including a lovely little card from a child.

There are always sick children who need TLC in the middle of the night/ homesick/worried children and it is an exhausting time for the adults and fun for most of the children.

I don't go on the residentials to watch children blossom or get thanks, I can do that in the classroom, I go because it's part of my job. I would much rather be at home with my family, if I am honest, surely like most people who travel for work?

The lack of thank yous made me feel taken advantage of and I am certainly teaching my DC that a small thank you goes a long way. I thank my hairdresser/doctor for their time and it just manners.

Why wouldn't you thank the teachers who watched over your child like a hawk, night and day, to make sure that they were happy/safe and have done everything they could to ensure that your child had the best experience???

There is no need surely to queue up to thank the teacher. What's hard about a call over your shoulder as you leave "Thanks very much Mrs X/Mr Y"?

"
And I'd be more fixed on my child & getting them sorted with their stuff etc than saying thank you to the teachers. After all its the school that wanted them to go in the first place."

What a very, very odd attitude!

Cat maybe, probably. I'm usually quite smiley, believe it or not.

However, if I was greeted by a bad tempered, disgruntled looking teacher (at not receiving enough thanks), I'd be out of there smartish!

I also might be nervous at how the trip went and whether my DC had been ok, which could affect my response...

Mine haven't been on a residential yet. However I did give the Beaver leaders chocs after a day out last year (they got wet). I will do the same this year.

Of course I would also thank teachers after a residential.

Well rest assured, the number of teachers standing there post-residential, looking disgruntled at the lack of thanks is approximately zero!
Fair enough about concerns that your child had a good time, but I just firmly believe that good manners cost nothing.

Well, you're not going to thank a teacher who is bad tempered or disgruntled looking or who has treated your child badly, obviously. But most aren't, or haven't. I can't imagine not saying thank you or expecting my child to say thank you.

I always say a quick "thanks bye "? Thought most people did.

But all this is tempered by the fact I think parents and children are pressurised into residential trips. If it was something I was completely on board with, the thanks would be far more forth coming.

Why on earth do you feel pressured? And what have you got against residential trips??

I'm a bit puzzled - why would I want to pressurise your kid into going on a residential? I honestly don't enjoy them that much!

Hak Own experiences. I've nothing against residential trips per se. However , I think that should be made clearly optional, not a 'we'd like everybody to go' type thing.

"However , I think that should be made clearly optional, not a 'we'd like everybody to go' type thing."

Why not?

When I taught, I had a pupil who thanked me after each lesson. He was otherwise unremarkable, but I remember him so clearly because of that. I also had one who shook the hand of each teacher who took him on a residential trip, looked them in the eye and said a genuine thank you. Again, he was unforgettable.

I thank everyone who cares for DD (she's too young for residentials). I do this for two reasons:

1. I am genuinely grateful for what they have done.
2. It sets an example for DD and I expect her to thank them at the same time.

It amazes me that parents and children leave nursery and pre-school groups without thanking someone. I know there is a financial transaction behind it, but I think that is irrelevant to the human relationship involved. And I also think that the financial relationship doesn't really reflect the value of the relationship. DD's nursery staff are brilliant, but certainly not paid in a way that reflects that.

Hak my point is that some schools do express their preference that everybody goes, in that they say 'We'd like every child to go...' in the trip letter and do not say what the planned alternative is. This I feel, is where the pressure comes.

The 'we'd like everyone to go' thing, on the rare instances when it is a thing, usually doesn't come from the poor sods giving up their weekend, though. It'll be from the Head (who is also leaning on the staff to run it...)

Anyway, if that's how you feel, deciding not to say thank you is erm, one possible response.

I'm not convinced we've ever dragged 95% of the participants on any trip against their will, though! The other non-thanking parents must just be rude buggers then .

raven I'm just giving an explanation why I might not. If the 'poor sods' don't want to do it I really wish they wouldn't.

If my child had a fantastic time, my thanks (and my DC's), would certainly be forthcoming.

What about if they had had a medium great time?

Hester appropriately muted thanks in response then..

I always said thank you to the teachers when my DC got back from residential trips. It is basic manners imo.

However, just as there are some ignorant and rude parents, there are some bloody rude teachers as well. Last year DS2 was one of the very few pupils who volunteered to 'man' his 6th form's open evening. I transported him, there and back in the dark, cold night (I'm disabled, DH was away with the Forces), he chatted to the parents and kids going round until 9:30pm. Did the teachers and HT say thank you? Did they fuck!

I always thank teachers and have a quick chat about how it went etc and always have. But I have noticed at lots of schools a "them and us" attitude between parents and staff (no idea how/why it starts) and often parents get the feeling from staff that they aren't really wanted.

No doubt because staff feel unappreciated etc.

It becomes a circle de viciousness.