Page 4 | Harry needs to go NC

Twatalert · 2023-01-09T13:03:01+00:00

Harry needs to go NC with his family and grieve for the kind of family he never had. It is clear they are completely dysfunctional. I believe everything he says. He has gained awareness of the abuse going on, but now sees abuse everywhere. It is typical for abuse survivors. Once you have seen it you see it everywhere and it is hard to distinguish which part is the abuse and which part is human. He needs to spend time with himself, continue to process and come to terms with everything rather than selling it. In time he might understand that he cannot change them and he cannot convince them to change. They'll either wake up or they won't. He can only decice how he wants to deal with what they give him. He has not yet understood he needs to let go of them, which is the reality of many that have been abused. William was the golden child and Harry the scapegoat. Trouble is he finds issue with 'normal' things (bigger and smaller bedroom's..) rather than pinpointing the systematic abuse he has suffered. He's trying to convince the world he was treated unfairly. A sign that he is not ready to let go and wants approval from millions. He is in pain. Instead of books and interviews, he should write a diary (and not publish it).

Original poster

Twatalert · 09/01/2023 13:58

CPL593H · 09/01/2023 13:42

@Twatalert , Harry is not the best poster boy for years and years of therapy.

I also don't think that William is a Golden Child in the usual understanding of the term. He is in line to be King and he is of necessity going to have a different path to Harry, in many ways a much more restricted one. From everything I've heard Diana bent over backwards to ensure Harry was not considered "less" in any way, even down to confronting the Queen Mother about favouritism. Charles was if anything too soft on him, from other accounts.

Yes, that's possible. And the too soft could be one reason why he became so entitled.

But Charles was also no emotional support, because he got none from his parents etc., and children bloody need emotional support, lots of it. It doesn't make them spoilt, it makes them secure and centred.

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Eeiliethya · 09/01/2023 13:58

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/01/2023 13:07

I imagine that if he did the sighs of relief from the RF would measure on the Beaufort wind scale.

🤣🤣

MoscowMules · 09/01/2023 13:59

CPL593H · 09/01/2023 13:54

Very true this and with long term effects on the child having to provide such emotional support, as well as what it does to them at the time.

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It makes me reflect on why William is portrayed as being rather overbearing/protective/guiding to Harry in his life. And why he is so quick to temper/emotion about Harry.

He was his mother's emotional crutch, and I would hazard a strong guess that she made William promise never to let anything to happen to Harry, to look after him and protect him, to guide him, not to let Harry down, as he was never going to have the same role as William.

That's a lot for a child to take on, and it changes them, their outlook and behaviour from a early stage. Always having to be the crutch, the diplomat the voice of concern and reassuring ear.

Lozzybear · 09/01/2023 14:00

@Twatalert not everything is someone else’s fault or because someone behaved in a certain way towards someone else. I have two children. They are so very different personality wise. One is so similar in personality to me that my DH calls him a clone. The other is the double (looks and personality) of my mum who died when he was a baby so it’s not her influence. Nature, nature, nature….

IdidntshagHarry · 09/01/2023 14:00

I hope all are NC with him too. Best way, dry up material for next books.

Original poster

Twatalert · 09/01/2023 14:01

BethJ62 · 09/01/2023 13:57

And yet ……despite all the “abuse” they still want half in/ half out according to Anderson . Apparently he said it in a piece that didn’t air.

That's the part where H is a hypocrite. Staying part of a system he's so unhappy with. He does not (yet) want to cut them off completely. I imagine it would be a very long process to get there.

He sounds like someone who's in the midst of therapy and still lacks clarity as to where he stands, what he wants, what he will put up with and what not and, most importantly, who he is.

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IdidntshagHarry · 09/01/2023 14:01

He should however demand a refund for therapy costs - the scale of bitterness shown. Why bother with therapy since 7 years didn't work for him.

54isanopendoor · 09/01/2023 14:02

I think it's clear that Harry hasn't come through his formative years undamaged.
His Mother's death & how that was handled must have been excrutiating for him
All 'the rest' - I don't know (none of us do, not really) but he's clearly in pain.
Due to that (or possibly purely to make £, but I think it could be a bit of both?), he seems unable to moderate 'his story' in a way that he only includes the main issues he wants to deal with ie the way the RF operates as 'The Firm' rather than as a family & that he feels he & his wife have been treated badly by RF & media.
He seems to have included lots of v personal details that are now being mocked - this, & the 'backlash' in the media & on SM will not help him.
I think its very concerning that some Taliban seem to be calling for 'vengeance' (not just for him but for those around him / British Forces in general)

I agree with the OP that further attempts to interact with the RF will be pointless.

Original poster

Twatalert · 09/01/2023 14:04

IdidntshagHarry · 09/01/2023 14:01

He should however demand a refund for therapy costs - the scale of bitterness shown. Why bother with therapy since 7 years didn't work for him.

But is has started to work for him. Because he's starting to see how dysfunctional his family is. Therapists don't fix you. It likely is a lifelong commitment of self development.

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Phos · 09/01/2023 14:04

"Trouble is he finds issue with 'normal' things (bigger and smaller bedroom's..) rather than pinpointing the systematic abuse he has suffered."

Maybe that's because there was no systematic abuse.

BethJ62 · 09/01/2023 14:05

Twatalert · 09/01/2023 14:01

That's the part where H is a hypocrite. Staying part of a system he's so unhappy with. He does not (yet) want to cut them off completely. I imagine it would be a very long process to get there.

He sounds like someone who's in the midst of therapy and still lacks clarity as to where he stands, what he wants, what he will put up with and what not and, most importantly, who he is.

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I think it sounds like someone who is starting to worry about finances and where he goes from here .

Original poster

Twatalert · 09/01/2023 14:06

BethJ62 · 09/01/2023 14:05

I think it sounds like someone who is starting to worry about finances and where he goes from here .

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That as well. He clearly wants to keep up this lifestyle and not downsize.

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Mirabai · 09/01/2023 14:06

But… stately homes…

Dysfunction is dysfunction no matter how posh the family.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 09/01/2023 14:07

Harry can only have his family back if they all decide to do years of therapy, reach a certain level of awareness, take accountability, change behaviours, learn new behaviours and forgive each other. It will never happen.

Harry can never have his family back because he has sold some of their most private moments. I don't even mean arguments / dogbowlgate / his goodbye to the queen (though that is all distasteful). I mean stuff like the secret code the brothers had invoking Diana's memory, or that Charles apologised when Harry explained all the ways he'd failed as a father. They will never trust him again, and I don't blame them.

Diana told stories that made it very clear she relied on poor William for emotional support. She said she would be in the bathroom howling and he was passing tissues under the door.

See, this to me sounds are more problematic (from an abuse standpoint) than anything Harry has accused his father and brother of. Putting a child in that position is completely unacceptable, imo.

I still cannot work out why the heck Harry didn't just ignore the haters, live in California with his wife and children, and enjoy his life. Nobody is universally liked, and H&M had a lot of people who did like and support them when they announced they were leaving (including me!). Trying to have the last word just doesn't work as a "healing" strategy, especially if your target is the media.

MoscowMules · 09/01/2023 14:09

Twatalert · 09/01/2023 14:06

That as well. He clearly wants to keep up this lifestyle and not downsize.

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And here lies the problem with life.

Nobody can have their cake and eat it.

Be you a peasant or a Prince.

So you either

Accept the dysfunction and try to live in in best you can and middle through. With great wealth and status as the pay off.

Or you leave, say no more and think "thank fuck I'm done with that shit show". Live "modestly" and carry on.

Original poster

Twatalert · 09/01/2023 14:11

JemimaTiggywinkles · 09/01/2023 14:07

Harry can only have his family back if they all decide to do years of therapy, reach a certain level of awareness, take accountability, change behaviours, learn new behaviours and forgive each other. It will never happen.

Harry can never have his family back because he has sold some of their most private moments. I don't even mean arguments / dogbowlgate / his goodbye to the queen (though that is all distasteful). I mean stuff like the secret code the brothers had invoking Diana's memory, or that Charles apologised when Harry explained all the ways he'd failed as a father. They will never trust him again, and I don't blame them.

Diana told stories that made it very clear she relied on poor William for emotional support. She said she would be in the bathroom howling and he was passing tissues under the door.

See, this to me sounds are more problematic (from an abuse standpoint) than anything Harry has accused his father and brother of. Putting a child in that position is completely unacceptable, imo.

I still cannot work out why the heck Harry didn't just ignore the haters, live in California with his wife and children, and enjoy his life. Nobody is universally liked, and H&M had a lot of people who did like and support them when they announced they were leaving (including me!). Trying to have the last word just doesn't work as a "healing" strategy, especially if your target is the media.

Agree. Perhaps the inner child in him still hopes his family will finally listen to him. He's going about it the completely wrong way. They will not listen or they would have already. It's extremely difficult to accept and to let go of family.

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MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/01/2023 14:13

He clearly wants to keep up this lifestyle and not downsize

Unfortunately he has just slagged off his brother - the bloke who holds the pursestrings of the Duchy of Cornwall and who might, had all this not erupted, quietly financially supported him. I sincerely hope that after the revelations of the last few days PW tells little bro to go swivel and get a jo.

Youwhatnowbiggles · 09/01/2023 14:14

growinggreyer · 09/01/2023 13:11

Very rarely does the user name correspond with the content of the post so accurately. Well done OP.

Absolutely😂🤣

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/01/2023 14:20

Have you thought about the fact that H was a minor whilst taking drugs and what drives someone to do drugs?

Because they want to in a lot of cases. Not every person takes drugs for a reason. Maybe you're projecting

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/01/2023 14:20

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/01/2023 14:13

He clearly wants to keep up this lifestyle and not downsize

Unfortunately he has just slagged off his brother - the bloke who holds the pursestrings of the Duchy of Cornwall and who might, had all this not erupted, quietly financially supported him. I sincerely hope that after the revelations of the last few days PW tells little bro to go swivel and get a jo.

Job, not jo. That's if any reputable organisation would take him after the last few days. I imagine he'd be an HR nightmare, if nothing else.

Youwhatnowbiggles · 09/01/2023 14:21

The fact that he didn’t have the perfect childhood doesn’t mean he suffered abuse. Who are these people who have families that have never dealt with divorce, death, bullying, sibling rivalries & fallings out etc etc etc…? Can the rest of us have the coordinates for Utopia?

Youwhatnowbiggles · 09/01/2023 14:23

He was a 17 yo at Public School - no idea about now but back then the drugs bit was (sadly) quite normal….

CPL593H · 09/01/2023 14:24

MoscowMules · 09/01/2023 13:59

It makes me reflect on why William is portrayed as being rather overbearing/protective/guiding to Harry in his life. And why he is so quick to temper/emotion about Harry.

He was his mother's emotional crutch, and I would hazard a strong guess that she made William promise never to let anything to happen to Harry, to look after him and protect him, to guide him, not to let Harry down, as he was never going to have the same role as William.

That's a lot for a child to take on, and it changes them, their outlook and behaviour from a early stage. Always having to be the crutch, the diplomat the voice of concern and reassuring ear.

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This makes an awful lot of sense to me @MoscowMules . I'd never really thought about it in the case of William and Harry before now, but I was the eldest and very much had a "parentified" emotional support role with my mother, for a lot of years. Always felt I had to fix what was wrong so she would be happy (never could of course) It makes one very watchful, though.

Even now, my siblings having any kind of real difficulty gives me more gut churning worry and panic than almost anything else in life. I have to hold myself back from charging in to try to protect them (even if just with loads of bossy advice) I love them both and some of it is from love, but some of it is from a difficult place in myself, I think.

Original poster

Twatalert · 09/01/2023 14:25

Youwhatnowbiggles · 09/01/2023 14:21

The fact that he didn’t have the perfect childhood doesn’t mean he suffered abuse. Who are these people who have families that have never dealt with divorce, death, bullying, sibling rivalries & fallings out etc etc etc…? Can the rest of us have the coordinates for Utopia?

But it also doesn't mean he didn't. Eh?

He suffered dysfunction at the very least and dysfunction in families is rife as is mental illness. I'm sure there is a correlation, but other factors play a part too.

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coolmum123 · 09/01/2023 14:26

Scarfweather · 09/01/2023 13:41

I don’t disagree with you, but that route doesn’t pay or get Meghan to the White House.

She is deluded if she thinks she has the backbone for politics. The scrutiny would be 100 times worse as a politician. Michelle Obama had next level of abuse. M would never be able to handle it and she wouldn't be able to keep telling her truth she would be ripped apart.