How Harry lost his virginity

[SnottyLottie]

Harry described losing his virginity as "a humiliating episode with an older lady".

He said it was "with an older lady, who loved horses very much and treated me like a young stallion".

The excerpt read: "'I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and held me back… one of my mistakes was letting it happen in a field, just behind a busy pub. No doubt someone had seen us'."

source: Sky News

well I don’t even know what to make of that 😬🤭😆🤣

Netflix must be FURIOUS. They got mooning about in black and white photos and one short anecdote about William shouting at Harry.

The book publishers got #dogbowlgate, #olderhorseylady #royalpenisreveal #25Talibans and #foremostWillyinacape

Screaming 😂😂😂😂😂

Oh dear god, pass the mind bleach

What the hell is wrong with him?

Thank god the Queen's not still here

🤣

Harry writes: “Pa liked telling stories, and this was one of the best in his repertoire. He’d always end with a burst of philosophizing … Who knows if I’m really the Prince of Wales? Who knows if I’m even your real father?
“He’d laugh and laugh, though it was a remarkably unfunny joke, given the rumor circulating just then that my actual father was one of Mummy’s former lovers: Major James Hewitt. One cause of this rumor was Major Hewitt’s flaming ginger hair, but another cause was sadism.”

Is Harry... okay?

I still think this has Banksy stunt written all over it. Perhaps it's because I can't believe this can possibly be real.

The time he won the midnight wanking competition in the dormitory at Eton?

I feel so sorry for the translator having to read this drivel.

Hasbeen did say he was taking cocaine, are we sure it was not an actual horse 🐎. 😂😂😂

I kind of don't want it to be.

Why can I hear, Mrs Doyle shouting " Ride me sideways! " ?!

What I did on my holidays and why I like horses.

It must be Ursula von der Leyen! Or Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with a lead pipe.

Same!

Whether it's true or not, and IMO I'd take it with a large grain of salt, can you really imagine writing this with the sexes reversed?

Some older man made her do it behind a pub, yeah right, she probably didn't even care whether he enjoyed it.

OMG that's exactly it!

Genius.

The day I snapped and farted.

“My penis was a matter of public record, and indeed some public curiosity,” Harry writes. “The press had written about it extensively. There were countless stories in books, and papers (even The New York Times) about Willy and me not being circumcised.”
He adds, “Mummy had forbidden it, they all said, and while it’s absolutely true that the chance of getting penile frostbite is much greater if you’re not circumcised, all the stories were false. I was snipped as a baby.”
Harry had been discussing how his penis was “frostnipped” during his trip to Antarctica prior to William’s wedding to Kate Middleton.
“The pre-wedding dinner was pleasant, jolly, despite Willy visibly suffering from standard groom jitters,” he says. “I regaled the company with tales of the [South] Pole. Pa was very interested and sympathetic about the discomfort of my frostnipped ears and cheeks, and it was an effort not to overshare and tell him also about my equally tender penis.

The really unforgivable thing is if he actually said ‘ass’ and not ‘arse.’ There’s truly no way back if he did.

This is going to be the extract Charles Dance reads out on Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2023, isn’t it?

Oh no, I can already hear his voice in my head! Along with the thornbirds sad theme tune playing softly in the background. Violins and heartfelt pause to bring on tears. Unfortunately the wrong type of tears than ones PH intended. 🤣😅

Honestly I have not cringed so hard since I heard Matt Hand-cock was going on I'm a celeb. I was driving at the time and almost turned inside out I cringed so hard for him.

Next stop PH on I'm a celebrity eating testicle and bum hole. PW will sign him up.

Omg yes it will indeed! 😂

Coo coo ca choo, Mrs Robinson, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you....