Is this the end ?

[stophuggingme]

I’m so sad and worried
One of my three beautiful cats has overnight lost the use of her back legs and is dragging them
We are seeing the vet this afternoon
She is almost thirteen
Three months ago her right hind leg was stiff and she was a bit wobbly on it. Bloods were run and didn’t reveal and raised markers she was predicted pain relief and within days was back to her normal self.
The last few days she has been a bit stiff again but was still getting up into the cat tree, using her litter tray and eating and walking fine
Yesterday she just went downhill late at night.

My heart is in my mouth and I’m so sad. She is eating today but I’ve had to help her back into her favourite hiding hole . She’s had water and used the litter tray. She’s let me brush her and cuddle her.
When I call her she responded and is purring occasionally plus her eyes are bright. I’m hoping against hope aren’t I?

I’m terrified this is a saddle thrombus / thrombosis

I’m so worried she will need to be PTS today when I take her.

Does anyone have any happy outcomes for this sort of thing. I’ve had her and her sister since they were 12 weeks old they have been my family before I had one of my own 😢

@stophuggingme - thank you 💕. That face was reserved purely for me. He had a very specific “fuck off” face for anyone else that had the cheek to enter his orbit, was plain for everyone to see and much commented on! He had a huge heart which, for some reason, he decided only I would see it.

Would be lovely to see a photo of a Bella. Glad she appreciates the chicken, mine are/were weird and never seem fussed by it!

@stophuggingme - we cross posted and I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise that the photo was of a Bella. I hope I haven’t upset you by thinking it was Dolly.

Very lovely photos of Bella And Simba stophuggingme & furries. Bella looks so sweet natured and Simba looks like Aslan.

Just sending you both & fluffycloudland and thoughts for you.

@furries
No not at all. They look very similar in those photos.
Then I see one like this (my black BSH girl is in the middle😁) and see how different they could also look. Little Dolly is at the top of the stairs

Cats pick their humans of that I am certain. You got his heart for a reaso. 🌈⭐️♥️

@nettie434 thank you x

Mid March for my loss, and I'm struggling on some days.

Last week I was in the kitchen and a George Ezra (I think) song came on, with the lyric "give me a minute to hold my girl" and it just set me off. In floods. I don't think I'll ever be able to hear that song again without thinking of her. And I'm off again now!

Thank you for the kindness, it’s good we’ve got mumsnet to talk about it on. Only on person outside of dh checked I was ok when we lost ours.

Grief isn’t a linear process, I didn’t know that at the time. It’s a lot to deal with.

@ginandbake 💐

It’s a week today since we lost her. It has been a very sad day. She is still everywhere I go in the house I just keep crying

@stophuggingme - what a lovely photo of the three of them 💕. How on earth did you manage that, one of mine would normally do something to muck it up! Most people struggled to tell mine apart, yet to me the looked completely different. The second photo is how I think everyone else saw Simba! I’m so sorry for how you’re feeling, the anniversary day is really tough. The crying is difficult, but it is much better than trying to hold it in. Just post on here whenever you have something you want to share or a hand hold.

@nettie434 - thank you, I remember wanting an Aslan as soon as I read the book.

@TheRattleBag - am so sorry you’re going through this too, and completely understand re certain music. It’s a blooming George Ezra song for me too which was on the radio on my way to the vets (when I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be).

@Fluffycloudland77 - you’re so right re it not being a linear process and it’s definitely a lot to go through. I always “knew” it was going to be rough, but had no idea how hard it would be. I too couldn’t look at threads like this beforehand due to the fear.

@ginandbake - am sorry you lost your boy during lockdown. Giving them the honour of a peaceful passing is the very best thing we can do for them, but it’s just so difficult to deal with.

My mum sent me a lovely verse, which she said was exactly what a Simba would say to me if he could. I won’t post it on here, but if/when anyone feels able to read it, it’s called Today You Did The Bravest Thing.

Wishing you all strength 💕

Well a few more days have crawled by
Last night I was beside myself crying about her. I went earlier that day to see her sleeping spot. The rose bush has a bud. I knelt down on the soil in the rain and just cried.
I just want her back: every night at 3am or thereabouts I wake up still with a start as if she is still here and needs her medicine. Then it hits me she has gone and I am overcome with grief. Then I get cross with myself because I fear it sound self indulgent and pathetic.

I miss her so much.

@stophuggingme - it most definitely isn’t self indulgent or pathetic, you are missing a much loved friend. I’d say don’t be cross with yourself, but having done it myself it’s easier said than done. The only words I can offer sound really trite, but everything you are feeling is truly part of the grieving journey. There is no rationale behind it for you - each day it just “is”.

That feeling of “I just want her back” is such a hard part of it. I can’t count the number of times I’ve phoned my mum along the lines of “I want him back / I wish I could turn the clock back to when I first got him and do it all over again”.

When it first happened, I think it was @Fluffycloudland77 who posted and said that a wise lady had told her to write the first month off - so I kept that in the back of my mind, it sort of helped me try not to beat myself up for how overwhelming the grief was. It has taken a lot longer than that, but it is easing slightly. That “raw” pain has lessened and it’s more of a numb sadness now, but I have been able to recount a couple of funny stories without being a mess. Just allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, don’t try to hide it or bottle it up.

I think it’s lovely that you have a rose planted for her and that you are able to visit whenever you want to. And she really will be with you forever in your heart - some days with tears and others with a smile. And she was blessed to have enjoyed such a loving and caring family.

Am still fairly new to what a difficult process this is, but I - and Nancy others here - completely understand. Please don’t feel alone, am sending you a hand-hold 🤝

I'm sorry for your loss, be gentle with yourself and let yourself grieve.

I lost my boy around 2 months ago now and it is starting to become easier. It can still be really hard at times, when I come home I still expect to see his happy wee face.

It’s normal, some cats take a lot of looking after, their a lifestyle as much as a pet. The first and last thing you do is attend to them each day. Their always pleased to see you too.

It’s best to let it all out. There’s nothing to be gained by stifling it.

I only saw my mother cry over two things, the Thorn Birds & her cat dying.

Would we expect anyone who has lost a friend of 13 years to be able to carry on as normal, stophuggingme? Of course not. It is no different for you now. I was actually going to post on this last night to see how you are and then I thought I'd wait till Monday as that would be another week. I wish I had now! It's completely normal, the waking up especially, because you had to do that in the last few weeks.

Thank you all once again.
We sat this morning and looked through some of the photos from when she was a little kitten. There were tear, but also smiles as I told the children about the day I got her and her sister and some of the things they used to get up to together.

Last night was the first night I haven’t thought I’ve seen her out of the corner of my eye. She is still here with us though. When I close the kitchen door before I go to bed I will always say her name with the rest of them 🌈

I still say goodnight to the kitchen when I lock up. If it brings us comfort why not?.

We both still hear ours jump off the windowsill.

I'm so sorry for both your losses it's just so terribly painful. I've lost 5 over the years and each one took a piece of my heart with them. I have never truly got over my losses.
Number 6 cat is 19 and has just fully recovered from a stroke.

Last night Dolly’s sister cat was outside wandering around the garden making these sad little noises. She has been really forlorn the last couple of days.

Hope she’s ok in time
We are at the vets soon for boosters and health check so Hopefully it will have lessened by then

Did she see her sisters body? Sometimes it helps. Is she close to the other cat?.

Breaks your heart when you realise how much they miss them too.

No she didn’t
Wonder if I should have but too late now

Her and the other cat are getting closer
They’ve both sat behind me on the sofa and have started eating together which they never did before. They have also shared the double basket on the top of my sideboard .

Hopefully they’ll bond. Carrying a deceased cat home is no fun.

Last week I was in the kitchen and a George Ezra (I think) song came on, with the lyric "give me a minute to hold my girl" and it just set me off. In floods. I don't think I'll ever be able to hear that song again without thinking of her. And I'm off again now!

My male cat was PTS in Feb after a saddle embolus (he had HOCM, although we didn’t know, he was only 5 and seemed healthy) and that was the song that broke me too. It still does. It must resonate with cat owners.

I’m still sad when I’m reminded of him, although functioning now. I think I cried every day for a month after he died though.

A month today 💔

How are you? I thought of you yesterday but couldn’t find the thread. Is her sister still looking for her?.