PB on the bed, dreamies and chat

[Ollivander84]

Here!

OOOhhh. Could this be the way forward?

I can just see the Mail headline:

Woman, 32, becomes national sensation as Bengal Bills make UK's first Pet Betting Billionaire

Fluffy Cloudland, 29, has become a billionaire, thanks to her Bengal cat, Little Asbo, age 5.

Speaking from her lovely home in XXX, slim, attractive Fluffy said:

'I was pigsick of the cat (6) pissing everywhere.

[insert pic asbo and Fluffy]

'My little prince struggles with UTIs. They cost an arm and a leg to treat. He is just a helpless scrap of fur.'

[insert pic asbo sad face]

'In desperation, I took to a life of gambling and loose living to pay the vet's bills. It paid off, which it usually does, annoying all Mail readers.'

Fluffy's husband continued: 'Are you the ocado man? Where's my tinned salmon.'

The couple's actions have triggered a national craze for 'Pet Vet Bet', whereby concerned pet owners have taken over online gambling forums.

Although industry professionals and addiction charities are warning against the risk, Mr Fluffy is laughing all the way to the bank.

He concluded with a smile: 'You don't want to do that mate, he doesn't like strangers. Shit, Fluffy, call an ambulance.'

Fluffy's vet was unreachable for comment and thought to be on a yacht.

Read more: Could a cat scratch kill YOU?

Funniest thing I’ve read in ages. Also you knocked 12 years off my age ❤️

Quality journalism, see

O just came in from doing "cat FINGS" and hurtled through the window, dragging his muddy paws down the paintwork. No remorse shown

It’s awful isn’t it? I genuinely could cry when I’ve cleaned and he leaves muddy paw prints over something.

I’m sure the absorbing powers of his paw fur has an industrial use. Oil spills or something.

He does it every time he comes in. Slides down the wall rather than jump

I painted the landing in paint that can’t be washed. Suspect I’m repainting it soon.

Every Christmas we repaint the hall and make a pigs ear of it. First year too dark (dh wanted the colour of my hair, turns out it doesn’t look good in halls) last year right colour but not washable. This year who knows? It’s the worst Christmas tradition ever.

We saw the head vet last night, he redeemed himself for always driving a hugely expensive car by saying fluffy cat is beautiful.

Head vet is right.

I am painting the hall at this very moment. It's white because I can't decide which colour matches Mr C best.

Dulux Diamond White is 32 quid at Travis Perkins, it's scrubbable.

Dulux trade vinyl matt here
Chic shadow in the hall, rock salt in the bathroom, polished pebble in the living room and just done goosedown in the bedroom

That sounds really lovely. I'm dithering re Grecian Spa 6 in the sitting room:) Pale aqua.

Or Verditer, Little Greene but it's 24 quid a lick, or similar. Acid turquoise.

You can get Diamond Matt tinted in any Dulux trade colour you want BUT it's 70 quid a pot. Lasts for life tho', worth it if you finally get your right colour.

I have to buy insanely pricy paint because the walls here are so awful, & I'm sick of the flat, glum, chalky 'heritage' look. All rather serious.

I really want a nice soothing NHS Mental Ward Green and Care Home Pale Pink.

"Stop moving hooman. I don't care your leg has gone numb"
Also why does he have such giant clodhopping paws?!

His paws look normal ! 😃 (I reckon it's you.)

His paws look normal ! 😃 (I reckon it's you.)

All the better to love you with...

C are you all right? Or are you slumbering beneath PB (hopeful)

Just dished his nosh. 🙂

O has big bunny rabbit back feet, there are some in this house too. Tiny cat, mahoosive plates.

I love those huge meaty cat paws. They pack a punch, too, as anyone who has tried to access the Sacred Space of Belly without prior written permission can tell you.

I am currently sporting a plaster for just that reason.
I was allowed floof privelidges but overstayed by 0.0002 seconds.

Fucidin cream from the doc heals it quicker.

Bad luck.

I have painted the hall 2x white and it looks like a protest on H block prison. When people talk about 70s chic. they don't mean that.

Also, according to Dr Google, I have carpal tunnel syndrome as well as sodding arthritis in my gnarled claws. Had to stop as can't grip the effing roller without dropping it on my own face

Does anyone know how you paint a ceiling? I might as well DIY as the mess is so flamboyant already.

Stick roller on a broom handle

Ollie went out ten mins before I needed to leave for work to do important CAT FINGS
Found him skulking around the sheltered accommodation across the road and he came trotting back with such an attitude

I'm doing the ceiling now thanks Guilty! Mr C has stumped back to bed, sulking.

Workman Mr C is coming tomorrow to paint the the ceiling

Turns out broomstick not an option unless it's a flying one - I am, frankly, comedy short. Watching telly with Mr C now. Much nicer. I'll try and pass off the White Splash Print look as a paint effect in case to visitors.

.....the White Splash print.......??

Sorry. Print.