The adventures of Newerboy

[Lanaorana2]

I've got a Siamese cat. He was abandoned by his owner and is living in state - three nests made by neighbours - in our garden. He is absolutely beautiful, aged 11, and a white/cream colour, brown eyes I think. So far we have blinked at each other, me flat on face behind bush in garden.

The lady who feeds him is going away for 6 weeks. She is in a royal state of anxiety so I stepped in. Have been trained to do the feeding, leg massage, etc.

His history is shameful. He has been coming to us for food for ages, finally taken to Battersea, where his so-called owner collected him in 90 minutes. Then left him to starve. So you see I can't not.

Any words of wisdom? I need them.

Yes, look next to the sausages. Fiver a kilo. The shapes are a bit weird - lots of shaved or v thick chops but down South that counts as artisanal.

Genius Lancashite hotpot:

1. Drop bag Iceland chops into large pan, no oil. Fry a bit till some fat comes off. Put cat back on floor.
2. Drop bag sliced Onions (89p, stockists as above), two sliced carrots, continue frying. Put cat back on floor.
3. Get bored. Pour over 1 pt or so of stock, shake Worcester sauce over till the top flies off, simmer & wander off with angry handbag.
4. Hours/days later, tip over packet of sliced potatoes (or do your own if you are really tight but the saving is 4p, I warn you) simmer 1 hour with lid on.

Comes out really golden like the telly if you dot butter on potatoes, but note increased pet risk.

Iceland, haven't been there for ages, ours is in a really strange location, marooned on an island in an industrial estate with only a pizza hut for company.
OH has commented that new favourite red ball looks very similar to decorative items from next door's Christmas wreath.
He's stolen it and hoarded it somewhere hasn't he? The advantage of being about 4foot tall when standing on your back legs and reaching up. I can't give it back, it's got fang marks

Stay calm, soon it will be Comic Relief

He'll be trying to ram one of those enormous car red noses through the cat flap at 3am....

Random bit if foliage seems to confirm the theft theory

Ollie is on my lap. Call the midwife is his favourite programme as "no stupid adverts for hooman to move about"

Angry handbag works a treat
DP face though when I told him

Pic of the little lady from the weekend

Broke what a beauty she is.

Weeds then you'll find a horribly mutilated Pudsey in November. :)

Ollie watching TV last night. And yes, he sat like this for a full hour

Who got tired or had to take a litter-box break first :)?

I went to make a brew! Watched call the midwife and then he sat on the sofa while I got my drink and shouted mama until I came back

I love your use of the 'hmmmm' face with Ollie because I know that you (and he) would not really have it any other way :)

It's because some days I really am a bit "honestly? Are you not all cuddled out?!"
It's like having a toddler clinging to your leg

He loves you deep. I kipped with Mr C's fat paw on my nose to loud purry satisfaction. I think he was trying to say he's da boss. That ship's sailed.

He lets you go to the kitchen and handle hot water on your own olivander? Mine would have been on full security alert and followed me to keep an eye out ( while lurking dangerously under foot). I can't even go to the loo on my own!

Weeds - open plan he can gaze adoringly at me at all times!

PBoy has started to ask for his breakfast. A reasonable time of asking - he'd get short shrift if he tried any of that 5.30 nonsense - but asking nonetheless. I think some confidence is creeping in.

Ooooh. Sounds very promising. And respectful < glares at Ollie >

Have you tried doling out short shrift?

Yep. He just goes in the room next door and howls. And howls. And howls

Ah. And then you 'give in'?

Nope but I can't get back to sleep as the noise keeps me awake. He's very... persistent
I did feel slightly guilty when I left the bedroom door shut the other night, opened it when I got up at 6am and he had slept outside the door in the freezing hallway curled into a ball outside my bedroom 😭😭

That's OK. I usually find that 20 minutes is long enough for them to brood upon their particular sin but Hey. If you fell asleep?

He shouts for an hour sometimes
I've been shutting the door as he seems more inclined to sleep longer in his palace that way and not trample over my head at 4am whining his "paws are freezy"

That is so sweet re timidly asking for the menu when arriving downstairs in the breakfast restaurant! Pboy has lionheart, we all knew it. He is talking!

O you have moral courage which I am in awe of. Even assuming Mr C ever did anything to warrant a disciplinary, in no way could I ban the bed. Don't get me wrong, a decent night's sleep is my most heartfelt wish.

TMI - phew, knockers certified normal by the doc.