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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

Just got a kitten for my 6 year olds birthday, and its caused huge rows between husband and I.

241 replies

lovesmountains · 10/07/2011 21:51

Thanks for taking the time to read.

We bought a 3 month old house trained kitten from a rescue centre this week for my daughters 6th birthday present.

She is adorable and we all love her but DH has decided she is ABSOLUTELY not allowed in the house at all. We do have a wonderful garden and some shelter for her outside but my daughter and I would still love to be able to give her a cuddle in the house.

I've suggested that she comes in the house just to go on our lap and not wander around, but DH thinks she need to know her boundaries and this will only confuse her.

Never having had a cat before, would love to know others views on this.

Many thanks,

OP posts:

unclefest · 11/07/2011 12:44

you should discuss this and rehome the cat if you aren't going to let it in the house. My Dad carried on like that. Result - our three month old kitten got hit by a lorry. Way to go, Dad.

unclefest · 11/07/2011 12:46

Oh, sorry OP. I did not see the previous page. My fault - and good call on your part.

chocolateyclur · 11/07/2011 12:48

Sorry, but your husband's attitude is shite. He should have made his stance on cats (and kittens in particular) clear before you brought the kitten home.

If it remains outside it will, at best, be picked up by a well meaning rescuer, taken in and you won't see it again. At worst it may become food for foxes, picked up as bait for training fighting dogs (happened in my old area), get squashed under a vehicle or perish in the cold.

Take it back to the rescue. You are teaching your daughter nothing positive by your current actions and opening her to more heartbreak.

chocolateyclur · 11/07/2011 12:51

And to add re men and cats - my husband makes sure he has our siamese cuddled into him every night at bedtime. My pregnant self has often been squished into the tiniest of spaces in our king sized bed because the cat is sprawling and husband didnt want to move him.

It drives me mad but reading this thread I wouldn't have him any other way.

Ephiny · 11/07/2011 12:51

FFS, cats are not toys, it is not OK to buy them as presents for small children. Cats and dogs are living creatures with feelings and needs, if you can't acknowledge that and make her safe and happy as part of your family, then take her straight back to the rescue centre, she'll have a better chance of finding a new home while she's still young.

Your DH sounds nasty and cruel. I haven't seen your other threads, but being unkind to animals is a massive red flag for me in a relationship. My DP is not especially fond of cats (more of a dog person) but he has never turned away a stray cat in need, and would never make a tiny kitten sleep outside. I would not be with someone who would.

MrBitey · 11/07/2011 12:58

Any update OP? Have you returned the kitten?

Reality · 11/07/2011 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Insomnia11 · 11/07/2011 13:10

There is no way I would let a kitten spend one night outside even in summer.

DH hasn't been enthusiastic about us having pets, kind of "Ok then as long as you feed it" but within a few weeks he goes gaga over them...hmm a bit like DDs really :o

We have two cats and three chickens. He was very skeptical about the chooks - he actually hates eggs (except in the form of cakes) which didn't help. But a few months later he loves them, though they are 'mine' and I do the lion's share of the feeding and all the cleaning out, he is always going out with little treats for them, and does help feeding them, and even collects the eggs. In fact I have even persuaded him to do me boiled eggs for breakfast on a Saturday. That's why I love him, he's a big softie at heart. And seriously outnumbered by females, only one of the cats is male.

My dad was similar - though much harder to convince to have any pets at all. He softened after I'd been very ill aged 7 and we got a cat when I was 8. He ended up being her favourite, she used to sit on his lap the most and run up his trousers!

moajab · 11/07/2011 13:11

I hope the kitten is safe now. I hope that anyone who is thinking of buying a pet for their DCs reads this and thinks beyond the moment their DC's faces light up to see the cute little bundle. I also find it concerning that the OP seems to not be allowed to control what happens in her house. When we adopted out stray cat it was a joint decision between me and DH. And to add to the debate about men and cats, our cat has DH wrapped round her little paw! If DH wants to relax on the sun lounger out side and the cat has got there first DH sits elsewhere. If one of the DC have got there first they get turfed off!

seeker · 11/07/2011 13:12

"cats are not toys,"

Absolutely. But they aren't babies either.

stinkyfluffycat · 11/07/2011 13:15

Poor kitten. Please do take her back to the rescue. Even if your husband decides he's ok with the kitten coming in the house now he may change his mind after she brings in a mouse/leaves muddy pawprints/throws up a hairball on the sofa, and the longer you keep her the more attached your daughter will get.

Al0uiseG · 11/07/2011 13:19

Let the cat in and kick the husband out. Wanker!

yearningforthesun · 11/07/2011 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ephiny · 11/07/2011 13:32

No cats are not babies, but a three month old kitten is a baby cat, and can't be just put outside alone to fend for herself. Even outdoor farm kittens have their mum there to feed them, teach them to hunt and survive etc.

seeker · 11/07/2011 13:47

Absolutely Ephiny - and I'm as outraged as everyone else on this thread except the OP.

Just continuing my one woman campaign against the 'fur-baby tendency"!

mollschambers · 11/07/2011 13:49

I don't have a problem with a pet being bought as a gift for a child as long as the reponsible adults of the house are willing and able to look after it properly. Which clearly isn't possible here.

TheMadonnaWithTheBigBoobies · 11/07/2011 13:58

Rehome the kitten. You, not your husband, are being cruel here by not doing so. You should never have got the kitten if this was the arrangement. And a kitten doesn't need to just come inside for a cuddle. It needs warmth and shelter and company. OP you have riled a lot of people here and quite rightly too. It is a shame this is a relatively anonymous forum or else I am sure you would have the RSPCA knocking at your door before the day is through, and the kitten would end up in a loving, secure home.

And don't even get me started on what kind of lesson this is teaching your daughter ...

TheMadonnaWithTheBigBoobies · 11/07/2011 13:59

And don't even get me started on what kind of lesson this is teaching your daughter ...

NetworkGuy · 11/07/2011 14:02

While I totally agree that as a pet, the cat should be welcome indoors, I can understand (up to a point) how the husband might feel if he only ever knew cats only slept in the barn (and only got drinks of milk from the 'owners').

I remember seeing cats with 6 claws on a farm when I was about 10, down in Somerset. Those cats were given hardly any food as their job was to catch any vermin (hence the extra claw, seem to have developed to cope with a hard 'catch your food' lifestyle).

It's not 'solidarity' with the husband, as I expect many women brought up on a farm would have a similar ('harsh') attitude, but this isn't the 50s, post-war, and if you want this kitten (all the more reason to treat with more charity) to be a family pet and let's face it, bought for your daughter, then you need to review this harsh way, and treat this kitten as a member of the family, not a cat which is going to be left to 'fend for herself' (as that's the rather rubbishy way it sounds).

I don't think your husband deserves some of the abuse, but clearly his attitude is out of line with having a 'family pet' and while giving this kitten a home might have been a charitable act, the 'home environment' your husband insists on is contrary to how nearly EVERYONE ELSE in our society considers the keeping of a PET.

Clearly you feel different, but HE needs to see that for such a young cat, with no parents or siblings to have as company, plus foxes (!) around, he's being a shocking example to your daughter, in an animal-loving nation.

FWIW just to give some balance, my (12-ish year old) female tabby has been 'living outside' since mid April, and barely comes in unless there's a downpour. She doesn't like the bullocks (which look in over the back wall) but with the hours I keep (working from home and often up all night) she has every opportunity to come in. She is welcome to come in (and now and again does sleep on top of my duvet) but she will probably spend the next couple of months outside.

No, I'm not entirely happy about it, because of the mixed weather we have had over recent months, but (a) she can take care of herself (5 other cats nearby, she's eldest and trespasses on the 3 tom cats gardens a lot, apparently treating those gardens as her territory too!) and (b) she has plenty of locations (eg garage roof) where she could go to evade a dog (but one of her sleeping places is in below a thick hedge where a dog could not reach her anyway).

NetworkGuy · 11/07/2011 14:24

Just read the bit about 'husband adamant'.

Someone else wrote "Why is his decision about the cat so bloody final anyway?"

If you have a democratic household, then I think the three females who want the kitten indoors should outvote the solitary male.

(Yes, I was including your poor kitten in that vote!)

hester · 11/07/2011 14:32

seeker, yours is definitely not a one woman campaign. I have an almost allergic reaction to people who talk about pets as though they are child-substitutes, or indeed have rights equivalent to children's. It always seems very 'soft toy collection on the bed and toy troll collection on the PC' sort of thing to me. But this is straightforward animal welfare.

Funnily enough, one of my neighbours recently gave me grief about me letting my cat out all night: "the foxes will get it!". Well yes, maybe, but it's an adult cat, doing what cats do, with ample opportunity to do otherwise (we have a catflap), and if it gets unlucky then that's the price you pay for being a cat who tastes freedom. I'm not for cossetting cats, just for giving them a fighting chance of realising healthy cat adulthood.

SenoritaViva · 11/07/2011 14:38

Networkguy speaks sense.

My grandparents also had farm cats on their farm in Ireland, I'm not against them. But the reality is, you don't live on a farm. You and your husband got the pet for your daughter as a 'pet' not as a farm cat. She needs to be treated like a pet, or donated to a farm with many cats who wouldn't strip her to shreds (sadly highly likely to happen so this is more of a theoretical suggestion).

OP please come back and tell us your decision so that people, even non cat lovers like me can stop being concerned

seeker · 11/07/2011 14:43

Shall we get some badges made, hester?

hester · 11/07/2011 14:49

"Don't call me furbaby"

"It's not your baby, it's a chuffin animal"

"Get a hobby, for Gawds sake"

SenoritaViva · 11/07/2011 14:55

Seeker/Hester

My Step Mother In Law, who has never had children, 'knows exactly what it's like to have a child because she has cats' and other tales.

I want more than a badge I want a sign that I could stick up... oh no that won't work, she lives abroad and I don't like paying excess luggage (but on the up side at least she does live abroad).

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